DD same name as FIL? Would you?

[dramallamarella]

Name changed for this!!!

I really like the female version of a male name for DD... lets say Philippa, for example.

FIL coincidentally has the male equivalent name... let's call him Phillip.

Both will have the same surname... so Phillip Turner and Philippa Turner.

Is this too close?! DH loves his dad, but they're not hugely close, and FIL and I don't really have any kind of relationship. (Quietly I'm not his biggest fan!) And I'm nervous people think she's named after him. I know his side of the family would love the connection and make quite a big deal of it.

I can't decide if it's too much / weird / enough to put me off, or if I'm overthinking a bit. I think if it was the feminine version of my own dad's name (who I'm super close to!) I'd like it, but it's just cos I'm thinking about FIL and a bit 😕 at creating that link!!

Would you notice / assume it's a namesake thing / think it's weird / would you do it yourself?

Or am I overthinking and should I just use the name regardless if I like it? Any advice welcome!!

People who know your FIL (including him probably!) will definitely assume she's named after him. But this shouldn't be a problem unless it would irritate you for people to assume you were honouring him.

But I personally wouldn't want people to think I was championing my FIL who I wasn't close to over my own father who I was close to. So i prob wouldn't do it.

My friend has the female version of her Grandfathers name. He was dead when she was born and it was to honour him and everyone assumes as such but it’s never been an issue. She loves her name.

Yes people who know you well enough to know your FIL's name will assume it's for him. You need to decide how you really feel about that.

I think you'd need to explain to your own Dad or he may be quite hurt. Personally I'd choose a different name to avoid any complications.

I think it depends on your relationship with your fil.
I liked the name Neve when I was pregnant only to have FIL announce it was after him - Neville.
It absolutely was not after him and DD was given a totally different name.

People will 100% assume she is named after him (and he might to). If you don't have that kind of relationship with him I would choose a different name

Everyone will think it's for FIL and you'd have a really awkward situation explaining it isnt - it might come across as rude or obvious you don't like him if you feel the need to correct the assumption?

Agree with PP who said if you do chose that name a convo with your own dad would be a good idea! He could end up pretty hurt

I wouldn’t use it in those circumstances

Sounds fine to me. If you and your dh like it, that's what matters.

@Cushionsnotpillows

Yes people who know you well enough to know your FIL's name will assume it's for him. You need to decide how you really feel about that.

I think you'd need to explain to your own Dad or he may be quite hurt. Personally I'd choose a different name to avoid any complications.

I agree with this. It's inevitable that everyone who knows your father in laws name will think she's named after him. If you're not close I would definitely avoid using the name.

I agree that people will assume she is named after him. I would only proceed if I was comfortable with people assuming that.

She may also prefer a name which is not as similar to her grandfather's, given she would share the same surname.

It may depend on the name, if he's Charles known as Charlie and she's Charlotte, known as Lottie, it doesn't feel as close as Benjamin and Benjamina would if they both used their full names.

Everyone will assume she's named after fil, I'd find it disrespectful to your own father.

I'm pregnant and there's a girls name I like that is very close to my FIL's name but as I don't really like him and know he would take it as naming the baby after him I've ruled it out!

I'm assuming it's not Philip/Philippa, but that made me smile, as that was a storyline in The Archers. Golden Child David and his annoying wife Ruth named their firstborn, who was Phil's first grandchild, after him. She's known as Pip and is currently arguably the most annoying character in the programme, which is quite an achievement.

As you were.

@FeedMeSantiago

I agree that people will assume she is named after him. I would only proceed if I was comfortable with people assuming that.

She may also prefer a name which is not as similar to her grandfather's, given she would share the same surname.

It may depend on the name, if he's Charles known as Charlie and she's Charlotte, known as Lottie, it doesn't feel as close as Benjamin and Benjamina would if they both used their full names.

That's a good point. Even more so if the short forms of both names are identical, e.g. Chris (Christina or Christine, Christopher), Sam (Samuel/Samantha), Alex (Alexander, Alexandra/ia/ina/is), Pat (Patricia, Patrick). Jo/Joe is not quite the same. Joe/Josie very different in my mind.

It also depends how many people know the female form is connected to the male form. George and Georgia/ina are obviously connected, as are Paul and Paula/ina/ette, Stephen and Stephanie, Adrian and Adrienne, Daniel and Danielle/a, Gabriel and Gabriella, Harry and Harriet, Henry and Henrietta.

John and Johanna or Joanna are probably not such an obvious connection, and neither are Peter and Petra or Thomas and Tamsin.

Depends on the name.

I am struggling to think of any that have a "nice" female equivalent?

I couldn't, I find naming babies to honor people that are still alive a bit cringey I'm afraid!

Oliver/Olivia

@Cushionsnotpillows

Yes people who know you well enough to know your FIL's name will assume it's for him. You need to decide how you really feel about that.

I think you'd need to explain to your own Dad or he may be quite hurt. Personally I'd choose a different name to avoid any complications.

I agree. Choose a different name.

If there's a risk you'd have to explain that baby Philippa is not named after Grandpa Philip then yes, it's too close. Having to explain that you chose the name because you like it and it's just a coincidence that it's the feminine version of your FIL's feels as though it could actually be quite hurtful to your FIL which is unnecessary. It's one thing to share a name/have a similar name to someone in the family who you have a good relationship with but I wouldn't use a name that required a negative explanation e.g. "yes, baby Olive does have a grandad called Oliver but she's not named after him because we don't like him..." vs. "baby Olive isn't named after grandad Oliver as such but it's a lovely name and he's a fab bloke so it's an extra connection for the two of them..."

We considered giving DD2 the name of the obstetrician without whom, DD2 wouldn't be here. It's a lovely name but is also the name of DH's SIL and although we get on with her well enough, we didn't want to have to explain that the middle name wasn't after her but was in honour of a doctor. We chose a different middle name that no one would feel might be in honour of them.

I’m having this exact issue with Kieran/Keira!

My Son has my dh dad name
Dh is not close to his dad and he has been in and out of his life
Technically its fil middle name but name he goes by
Dh liked the name , ai was unsure and im sure some people thought it was after dh dad but we didn't really care and if anyone asked we said why we chose it