Adding my maiden name to baby’s name?

[munchymoo]

I’ve just had our beautiful DD who is 2 weeks old and as yet unnamed! Have DS1 5 years old and DS2 18 months.

I changed my maiden name on marriage to my husband’s surname in a fit of romance (!!) and in all honesty have always regretted it - have been honest with him about this. The reasons are multiple - I feel like I’ve lost my identity in ways, I love my maiden name and do not like my married name (it’s not a great surname!), I’m the last one of child bearing age in our family and there are no males to carry on the name so my surname will die out now in our direct line, and I also now feel since having a daughter that I don’t want her to comply with the patriarchal system if she doesn’t want to (but in no way am I disrespecting those who do, it’s just becoming an issue for me that’s all).

We’ve discussed double barrelling and we all 5 of us become new name - let’s say Smith-Jones for example. Or do I just revert to maiden name so I’m Smith and husband and kids are all Jones. Or do I double barrel on my own?

I want my maiden name back but I don’t love the idea of my children having a different name to me.

If you double barrel - what is difference between heiphenating or not? I’m really confused. So Smith-Jones is different to Smith Jones - in the latter example the surname is basically Jones and Smith is a middle name??

If I gave my daughter my maiden name as a middle name, would it be weirdly that my sons don’t have it? They both have my father’s names as their middle names as he died years ago and wanted to honour him in their names.

If I change their names by Deedpoll - adding in my maiden name - will that be a nightmare for them for ever more having to produce lots of documents etc?

Sorry so many questions! I’m in a tizzy. Can’t work out how to name my daughter when all these ideas are going round my head. Any help gratefully received!

X

Also meant to say:

Older DC just had a normal middle name and DP's surname, I didn't think about reflecting my surname then. But when younger DC came along it was suddenly important so we changed older DC by deed poll.

It was a bit of hassle and expense (£200ish?!) but not too bad. Needed two solicitors as well as the deed poll itself! That's because DC was under 18 so I needed to prove it wasn't detrimental to them and that the new name was in common usage already. Easily achieved by a letter from nursery stating DC recited the correct new name, but things needed rubber stamping.

Maiden is synonymous with virgin. Maiden name is a very creepy term. YANBU to revert to your birth/given name for whatever reason you wish. Legally I believe you have the right to use a spouses surname if you wish, but your name doesn’t actually change, you always have access to it, hence not needing deed poll. If you all want the same name, and don’t like double barrel, you could amalgamate if that works, or all change to yours. I mean it’s your turn, right?

My maiden name is the second middle name of DS and DD. With DS it works better because it is also a boys’ name, although not common, but then we had DD so she has the same. Eventually I’ll add it back in for myself as a middle name.

@munchymoo it works fine. I would have preferred to just keep my name but I used to travel with my first child on my own and thought it would be easier if we shared a surname so we are Firstname Myname DHname (it sounds better that way) . I only have that name on my passport and our shared account, I never changed any other documents. I use just my name for most things, and the kids get called both surnames never just one. However, they are free to choose to drop a name when they're older.

Both my sons have my maiden name as their second middle name, so they have four names in total. I don't have any particular desire to have a double barrelled surname but I guess they have that option in the future.

Step back from it a bit. Your maiden name came via the patriarchal system too. You honoured the grandfather's with your boys names. Are there any women you would like to honour? What you choose is up to you (with some compromise and negotiation with your dh). But ultimately they are all just names and have their pros and cons. I wanted to change the first name I go by a few years ago. I couldn't care less now, I was just going through something. What will be important in 10, 20 years?