Same name as my best friend’s son?

[Idontthinklikethat]

Okay please be gentle I’m blaming the crazy on my hormonal state...so DS3 was born end of last year. Same year my gramps passed away and my DHs father passed away. Both had a top 10 baby name and we considered using it but I immediately discounted it due to my best friend’s DS1 having same now (he’s 4). DH and I could not agree a name so we kind of compromised and went with another. It’s not right for him...4 months in I feel like I want to call him something else. That’s the only other name we both agree on and would be happy with. I don’t want to damage my friendship though or have her feel weird about it and this far down the line I’m hesitant to bring it up...thoughts??

Honesty!
Talk to your friend, she doesn't own the name and may be flattered.

Change his name. We're only here once. Do what you want to do.

Speak to your friend, explain about the connection and why you changed your mind. I imagine you'll have spoken to her about it beforehand any way if you are close.

In all honesty though as much as MN likes to pull the no one owns a name card I would find it a bit odd if someone close to me just randomly changed their DC's name months on to the same name I had used.

With that said after the initial moment I probably wouldn't give it another thought!

I think it depends on your relationship. If you mainly see her alone it's fine, but if you spend time with each others children it might seem a bit strange.

Is it a name with different nickname options? For example, if it's something like Theodore and her son is usually called Theo could you use it but choose a different nickname like Ted?

I named my daughter the same as a very close friend's daughter. She wasn't even vaguely upset - in fact she was really pleased!! There was an 8 year age gap though

It’s got different options but the one we would use is the same :( also our children don’t see each other but we’d like them to when all this is over. We live a little way from one another.

It's a top 10 name!!
Seriously, she'll probably be flattered. You're overthinking. It's not a big deal. No one outside of your family is that bothered or interested in what you call your child. They have their own stuff going on. They will care momentarily and then not care.

I think you should change it. I still regret my dds name and she is 5, so the feeling may not go away. It sounds like your partner is in agreement?
A 4 year age gap is quite considerable, your friends ds will presumably be at school (if not already) soon, so realistically they won't spend much time together and the age gap means they're not really going to be playing together much when they do. In my experience as children get older they find their own friends and you tend to spend less time socialising with your own friends and their children (especially different ages).
Also, sharing a top 10 name is very different to sharing a name that is very unusual.
If a friend named their DC the same as one of mine I honestly wouldn't care in the slightest!
I think you should speak to your friend about it first, just explain your feelings and how you wanted to use the name but didn't because of her ds, but can't shake the feeling now. I'm sure a good friend would be understanding. 4 months is still very little but I would do it sooner rather than later, especially before you start getting out to groups etc as they open and introducing him.

I know people don't own a name but two of my friends have daughters with the same name and hence they always get referred to as "xx surname" or "baby xx" within that group of friends.

Ah it's fine. Mention it to her if you feel as if that would be appropriate. But especially since it's a top ten name, it would be weird if she was annoyed to be perfectly honest.

Just tell her that you didn't choose it because of her but it turns out to be really important to you. Decide before the conversation if you will do it despite her reaction or if she gets to veto.

Do it! just talk to your friend and explain why.

My name is the same as my mums best friends daughter and there was no sentimental meaning my mum just like it an robbed it for me haha. Her best friend didnt mind in the slightest and me and the other girl loved growing up with the same name. We was called big (name) and little (name)

Thank you everyone, the comments have been reassuring and it’s definitely made me feel less of a weirdo 🤪 /bad friend!!

Change it, it's a family name.

I'd change the name if I were you. Maybe spend a week or so referring to the baby as the new name to make sure that the name feels right for you. You could explain to her that the name is meaningful to you and you wished you'd used it from the start, but I wouldn't ask permission, just explain that you are changing the name.

Thank you, did you consider changing your daughters name early on? Was it a compromise name for you both or did you just decide you’d gone off it? Just curious as I’m thinking I will probably feel the same - I’m a bit concerned he’s “becoming” the other name!