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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby name / ex name

24 replies

MrsXx4 · 17/03/2021 09:03

We are set on a name, it’s a unisex name so we are set for a boy or a girl. However, I have an ex of this name, I dated him when I was 16 so literally a million years ago, for context I lost my virginity to him but we were never actually serious, we were kids and ‘the relationship’ was over in about a month, we only slept together once.

Do you think I need to be open about this with DH, my friends and family will remember this ex boyfriend as the name isn’t that common around here.

Also, if it matters, I’d forgotten all about this name until I saw it suggested on a baby name thread on here and suddenly really liked it. So it was my suggestion to DH and he loves it.

What do you think? Do I need to say something?

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MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously · 17/03/2021 09:05

I would tell DH. If he doesn't care then great, but some people do feel a bit funny about it. If you don't say anything, then someone else in your family will, which makes it look.like you were keeping it secret rather than it just not mattering to you, iyswim.

JingsMahBucket · 17/03/2021 09:19

It happened a million years ago. Why on earth would your teenage sexual history matter now? I’m guessing it’s also a common name? If so, it’s all totally a coincidence anyway. I wouldn’t bother telling your husband at all. There’s nothing to tell.

Tallybeebloom · 17/03/2021 09:36

I don't think he needs to know the sexual aspect of it but I think it would be reasonable to tell him it's the name of an ex boyfriend. In all likelihood he won't care with it having been that long ago but it's fair to let him know.

I have a name I really like that I'm going to suggest to DP, however it's my EXH's brother's name, so if DP likes the name I would let him know this as I think it's only fair in case it's something he's not comfortable with.

FeistySheep · 17/03/2021 09:45

Yes of course tell him. If it's really not a big deal it won't make any difference. But if it does bother him, and he doesn't find out until after you've named your child, he'd be right to be upset with you.

Original poster

MrsXx4 · 17/03/2021 09:48

Thank you, yeah I agree I’m not going to go into the details of anything with DH but I just wanted to put some context on here as to why it might be a bigger deal.

I don’t think it will change anything but I think I would ultimately feel better telling him and yes about family or friends saying something in the future that could make things awkward.

OP posts:

Kiehl · 17/03/2021 09:50

Bloody hell why would you tell your partner about a guy you slept with in your teens

Original poster

MrsXx4 · 17/03/2021 09:58

Only really because it’s not a common name, if it was like James or Jack or something I wouldn’t bother but this isn’t a name you hear very often so I feel if he does somehow find out it could look a bit off.

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PlanetPuddle · 17/03/2021 10:03

Yeah I'd give him a heads up that it was one of your exes name if its an uncommon name just incase your family mention it.

PlanetPuddle · 17/03/2021 10:04

But especially as it was your suggestion be prepared that he might want to find something else.

Champy87 · 17/03/2021 11:19

I'd tell him, not because it matters but because it would be better coming from you rather than a family member making a joke later down the line and your DH feeling like something was kept from him.

It really isn't a big deal at all but your husband deserves to make an informed decision too especially about something as permanent as a child's name. If I named my child a name and then found out it was the name of my DH's ex's and he hadn't mentioned it, it would bother me.

Whatsyourflava · 17/03/2021 15:57

Is the name in the top 100 names?? @MrsXx4

I think if it's top 100 that might change things a bit but I still think you should definitely tell him. It's a betrayal otherwise. You don't know how he will feel about it if it eventually comes out. It's not fair for you to decide on his behalf it's not a big deal

Roszie · 17/03/2021 16:11

I think he needs to know.

Original poster

MrsXx4 · 17/03/2021 16:13

I am going to tell him. It wouldn’t be fair if he found out later down the line.

I was intrigued myself how popular the name is and yes it has just made the top 100 according to one website I checked.

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JingsMahBucket · 17/03/2021 16:46

If it's in the top 100 names then I really wouldn't bother. It's not like the name is overly specific like Phineas or something.

ohhmygosh · 17/03/2021 17:01

I wouldn't use this name if you dated someone with it, especially if you had sex with them. I had to rule out a lot of boys names DH suggested as I erm just didn't like them

Original poster

MrsXx4 · 17/03/2021 20:09

I’ve told him! I can’t keep stuff to myself when it’s on my mind so just blurted it out that I have an ex called the same name as what we’ve chosen but it wasn’t a significant relationship (and it really wasn’t).

He started laughing and said it was a daft reason not to use the name. Although then he said that he is going to need to forget what I told him but he was smiling at the time so.....

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Whatsyourflava · 17/03/2021 21:13

Is the name Robin/Robyn? Lovely.

Well done for telling him. If the unisex name is something like Rowan that's super common and trendy these days, as are near-identical names like Roman. There's about 5 Roman/Rowans at our local nursery, so will be loads sharing that name not just you Ex.
If it's a name like Wren then that is more underused so might be more of an obvious link to your ex.

Whatsyourflava · 17/03/2021 21:14

Meant to tag you @MrsXx4

PlantPotting · 18/03/2021 09:23

I would agree that you need to tell him about the ex and see what he thinks. I expect if it was the other way round you would want to be told.
What is the name by the way?
If the name Rowan, that's my baby girl's name and so just to warn you that the name is booming up the charts these days along with Roman and Reuben and other similar names. They've all risen hundreds of places and continue to rise so could be top 20/30 very soon. I hadn't realised this when I picked it so wanted to warn you in case it's an issue. On the plus side, I doubt people will be thinking of your ex though as there's so many the last couple of years.
In terms of where to find the official top 100, you need to look at any site that is giving you the official Office National Statistics (ONS) numbers. Websites like Behind the Name have good charts and graphs. Websites like Nameberry are a bit misleading as they give you the top names which have been searched on their website, which means nothing. ONS is based on actual registered births.

Original poster

MrsXx4 · 18/03/2021 09:30

Thanks ladies.

Yes you have guessed the name, it is Rowan. I have personally never met another Rowan apart from my ex.

Popular names don’t actually bother me as I just like what I like. My ds is called Noah and I think his name was 2nd most popular at the time. However, strange as it is, we’ve never come across another Noah as yet! May be different when he starts school but there haven’t been any in any baby classes or at his preschool.

Yeah I looked on babycentre I think for a name list so it wouldn’t have been accurate anyway.

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PlantPotting · 18/03/2021 12:10

Ah Noah is a great name, love it. @MrsXx4

Yes I don't really mind popularity either. What more bothers me is the similarity to other increasingly popular names (mainly Roman but also other too 100 names Reuben, Rory, Ronan and Ronnie). Noah sounds more distinctive whereas I'm often asked if Rowan's name is spelt with an 'M, H, W or N' in the middle and that gets me down because I've got a popular 80s name that's similar to another popular 80s name (think Laura and Lauren). It gets annoying having to correct people getting muddled up. I didn't want that for my daughter but there we go. I just hadn't realised Roman with an M was the fastest rising boy name.

The seemingly inevitable shortening of Rowan to Row irritates me too. I know I should have thought of it but I didn't.

Just read your update. Your husband sounds like a lovely man by the way. Congratulations on baby!

Original poster

MrsXx4 · 18/03/2021 12:38

@PlantPotting ah yes I didn’t think of the shortening to Row. I think that will also irritate me. I’ve been put off many names because of how they can be shortened and I don’t think the parents necessarily get to pick what it’s shortened too either, especially when they are in school.

We also have a baby Roman in the family and I’ll be honest I never even considered it being too close of a name, they wouldn’t mind at all what we named our baby though they aren’t like that so it won’t put me off I just hadn’t even thought about it.

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PlantPotting · 18/03/2021 14:45

@MrsXx4 yes I hadn't really anticipated the Row shortening but well meaning family and friends started doing it almost immediately. Gah! I've asked them not to and they do try, but they forget. It seems to be a reflex sometimes. I'm starting to think there's no point fighting it once she starts school.
I also agree that Roman and Rowan have totally different feel as names and weirdly don't immediately strike as similar. I think it gets hard when you have a few in the same nursery, they suddenly do sound very similar and confuse people. I wish Roman wasn't so popular but it is and it's still rising fast so it's only going to get worse but it's not an issue for some, it just does feel like an issue to me as I really didn't want a name that was going to get confusing.

Flymetothestars · 19/03/2021 10:03

I wouldn't use the name Rowan if you don't like nickname Row @MrsXx4
I don't like Row either, sounds unfinished and like rowing a boat.
The similarity of RoWan and RoMan is unfortunate and would put me off, especially now Roman is the fastest rising boy name and is becoming increasingly ubiquitous. Let's face it, the names are practically identical even though they have different meanings and origins.

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