Being told you can’t use certain names

[Ohgawd2020]

My sister in law has told my husband that she doesn’t want us to use certain names. About five in total. I feel really prickly about this but husband is defending sister. Should I be feeling prickly about this?

I would tell her that she cannot tell anyone they can’t use any names.

I’d say,

“No one owns a name. I’ll call my children the names I really want to call them. I have no problem with you doing the same. I wouldn’t dream of bagsying a name, we aren’t five. I’m sorry but I do like this name too, and my child is on its way and I want to call them by that name. I won’t be entering into any further discussion about it and will not be dictated to over my child’s name.”

I'd say,

"Jog on"

😂😂 well isn't she a control freak - I'd use whatever I wanted

Am so anti this. First come first serve. It's infuriating from people who aren't even pregnant! Especially 5 names!? Perhaps one you had set your absolute heart on if it it had particular meaning.

My friend was pregnant and her SIL banned her from using a particular girls name. My friend had a girl and had avoided this name dutifully.

Year later - SIL is pregnant, they had a boy. She may always have boys, or no more kids. Utter madness.

Why is your DH defending his sister in this bat shit Idea.

She should have racked on and had those five babies, shouldn't she? And even then she wouldn't own the names.

Cracked on, I meant.

Hmmm... When you have settled on a name in your ow mind, it's a pity to change. If it means that two cousins end up with the same name, is that so bad? All the girl cousins in our family have our grandmother's name as middle name - we never discussed it and we laugh about it.

Quick message to SIL,
Hey SIL, thanks so much for the name suggestions! DH and I wanted to choose our own, and keep it a secret, but I love the name X so much! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I'm bursting with excitement and dont know how I'm going to wait x months until baby x is here! Much love x
And breathe...

I had a similar situation. When my second was born my SIL, who everyone thought was fabulous, she sidled up to me when no one was around and told me that I couldn’t use my FIL name because she was saving it !!
I had no intention of calling my child that anyway, but was gobsmacked at the cheek and saw her in a new light.

I had a similar situation! We liked the name Maria, we were going to use it for my first but changed our mind. Then was thinking about it again for our second.. I kind of had reservations as it still felt like my first DDs back up name? Haha I hope that makes sense. But we love it and we were thinking about it, I told my sister and she said.. well if I ever had a baby girl I would want to call her that so I vote no. Luckily as we found another name we loved more it wasnt an issue. But when I mentioned it to her that she said that she pretended like she didnt?! Because me and our mum were teasing her. She has 0 intention of having children, she isnt in a relationship and lives abroad and moves around a lot. So at the time I was like ummm when are you going to be having kids? First come first serve!!

If you genuinely like one of the names, use it

And discuss family boundaries with your DH

She doesn't sound a nice person or at least she's very immature.

Ah, ha, ha, she’s hilarious. Can’t believe you would even give this ridiculous comment headspace. Ignore. Use the names you want to use

Growing up my cousin and I had the same name. It was a result of a marriage between our relatives after we were born, so I guess we were step cousins or something, so a bit different to naming a baby the same as a relative. But the outcome is the same. It was never an issue, we naturally had different nicknames (from before we were related) and that was it, never any confusion or difficulty. If you use the name and she really loves it, there's nothing stopping her using it too. I'd be more sympathetic if it was one particular name for a specific reason, but 5 because she just likes them is taking the piss.

Good lord no, she is being completely ridiculous. She sounds like the ultimate spoiled brat and your husband giving in to her just enables such shitty behaviour.

You use whatever names you like. If she kicks up a stink let her, she will be the one who ends up looking like an absolute loon not you.

Tell her she can't eat certain foods because you like them. Or she can't go certain places because you liked them first. Seriously fgs. I really don't understand this claiming a baby name crap. 5 names as well! Use whatever name you want. Tell your husband to go get his balls back from his weird sister.

I could see her point fin it were her own children’s names or if it rhymed with her children’s names but you can’t reserve a name just incase you have a child.

My friend reserved the name Eilidh and so none of us used it and she has ended up being a career woman with no children!

I did tell my sil one of her suggestions would have sounded bad as it rhymed with my daughters name and would have sounded silly. Think Milly and Tilly.,

By the time she is ready for children she may not like or want the names anymore. I have had 2 boys names since my first child was born 18 years ago, i finally have a boy on the way and no longer like the names i had.
You name your child as you please, also dont share the names until you have picked that way no one can tell you to change it.

Are any of the names your favourite?

My whole family know I love Edward down to Teddy. Personally I would be really upset if they named their child Teddy, as have pretty much been set on it since I was really young and have let them know.

So I guess she can say - yeh I really want this name. If it isn’t one you really like then why would you choose it anyway?

Of the people with huge fall outs because of names - I personally wouldn’t do that. I’d be pissed if it was Teddy. That said - I would actually still name my child it (unless literally a niece and nephew - then I’d enjoy them having the name).

My mum had her boy and girl names picked out. After 2 boys, my aunt used her girl names for first and middle of my cousin. My mum then had me and was pretty annoyed - but was thankful she had other names she liked and kept her annoyance to herself. However, when my dads cousin used my name for her daughter (born about 9 months later), it did annoy my mum a lot more - though didn’t impact their relationship.

So summary - if she has one die hard name and it’s not a favourite for you, I wouldn’t use it whether she is single or not. Otherwise keep it to a middle name.

If she’s given a list of 5, and you like one. I’d phone and say can I use this - or is there one name which is your 100% favourite. What’s the chance she has five kids?

If you end up with cousins with the same name, that’s life. But if your husband is backing her, there might be more to the story than you realise. Some people (myself included) have had favourite baby names from very young and there is no reason to use one unless you are 100% set on it - that said I think vetoing five is quite extreme. I have about 5 boy names and 3 girl names I would have on my shirt list - but only 1 I would actively be upset about.

I should say my best friend has the same name as her and two of her cousins (all born in a year and a half). They all find it pretty funny and have different nicknames.

All came down to one aunt loved the name - but didn’t feel like she could veto the other aunts name choice. However, had a personal reason for the name and didn’t budge when her baby (the youngest) was born. The first two didn’t realise until after birth certificates were in as born within weeks of each other in different countries.

The aunts sat down and chose a different nickname for each child when they were all around 1/2. They gave the aunt who actually loved the name first choice.

When my best friends mum told the story she point blank said - while it had caused no problems, she wish the aunt had just said she loved the name and the others wouldn’t have chosen it as to them they just thought it was a nice name and had others.

No harm to the cousins though - and one cousin just called her daughter it as essentially now a family name 😂

My cousin and I have the same name. It was popular at the time.
We became Big Emma and Little Emma. Never an issue.

Except that I grew up to be taller than her

As long as you're fine with her still using the name then yanbu

She sounds weird and very entitled.
Be prepared though that if you choose to use one of 'her' names, she might give her future child the same name. She does sound a like very petty person.