Can I use same name? Advice needed!

[sweetlittlemystery2021]

I absolutely adore a girls name. I've loved the name for the last 5 years.
However, last year a close friend used the name. We went to college together (over 10 years ago), we are still in regular contact but don't live near each other. Probably see each other once or twice a year at most. There is a group of us and I am also friends with her family.
Does this write off being able to use the name?
There isn't another name that I feel as happy with as this name. But also I'm concerned about ruining friendships.
What should I do?!

I think it's fine to use the same name, it's a compliment. I might have answered differently if you lived close by and would spend a lot of time together.

Yes - totally fine - you only see her couple times a year

Not at all. Go for it!

Gosh definitely use it. Would be different if close family or someone you saw more regularly

My mum and her best mate have the same name for their son- never been an issue we just called them big Joe and little Joe

Totally go for it otherwise you will regret it!!

Absolutely use it! It's fine.

I’m on the fence with this.

I wouldn’t use it, if it was as good a friend as you say. I would always worry that it annoyed her.

However, I wouldn’t be offended if a friend chose one of my DC’s names (and I’d be glad I got in first!).

Totally fine

Could you add a number to the end of the name to make it unique?

That's what I did for my email name.

I personally wouldn't use it as I wouldn't want it to look like I'd copied her.. But it wouldn't bother me in her shoes if you did.

Use it

I think it’s absolutely fine to use.

I didn’t use my number 1 name for DD as a friend I was very close to at the time had used it for her DD 3 years earlier.

We are still friends but she has moved away & although we still speak & message, our DD’s spend no time together. Having the same name really wouldn’t have mattered after all.

I'd have said at the time she told me the name, but you can't go back in time.

I'd just say to her something like. 'I've always wanted to call my daughter 'xyz', I was going to say so when you told me it was the name you chose, but it felt silly as I wasn't even pregnant, but we both still love the name, so I hope you're not too upset we'll each have an 'xyz'.

State it as fact, not a request, but acknowledging she might not be too happy about it.

But use the name you want, it's not like it's your sister.

I feel as long it isn't a sibling who has used the name for the babies cousin use it.

Thank you everyone.
Reassuring to read the still use it, it shouldn't matter comments.
But also those that have reaffirmed my concerns... that she is still a friend.
I'm very much undecided still as to what to do.
On the one hand I love the name but on the other hand friendships are so valuable.
I hope the right decision will come to me at some point

Just talk to her! I had this situation with my friend and i immediately confessed and she was absolutely fine with me using it... Even a bit excited that our babies would have matching names.

If you’re feeling unsure I would talk to her.

If it’s a highly unusual name, mutual friends might wonder why you’ve chosen it. But if it’s a relatively common name, I don’t think most people would give it a second thought.

I wouldn’t do it. As well as upsetting a good friend I would want my baby to be the only one in the social group with a particular name. Avoids comparing too.

My cousin did this and whilst I would never say anything, in my own mind I think she's a bit of a weirdo...out of all the names in the world! And now my child has been lumped together with hers with people often referring to 'the two Barneys' (not real name) which is a shame for both children.

Yes, technically you can use it, and your friend will probably feel she doesn’t have a right to say anything.

However, personally I would find it odd if a close friend used my child’s name and be pretty annoyed...there are literally millions of names.

Even though you only see each other a couple of times a year, are you in regular contact? I think this is the deciding factor.

My friend’s child has a name I like, but would never use. I just think it would be really awkward on my group WhatsApp... “how’s Daisy?”, “yea, good thanks, how’s Daisy?”

I would talk to her first, just in case it would damage your friendship for life. I doubt it will.

I have a common name. Some of my mum's friends had kids with the same name. It was fine. My mum didn't care. None of us children have been scarred for life and I'm pretty sure we all still have an innate sense of our own identities!

Talk to her! I would suggest saying you had picked the name for a prospective dd years ago. Is it a name that is commonly shortened in different ways? If so it's worth perhaps have a different nickname