Middle name dilemma for DD due next year!

[Feburary2021Baby]

Our DD is due February 2021, we’re so excited and have picked her name.

However, we love a certain middle name and have become a bit worried as DH’s brothers daughter has this middle name

It’s quite a common middle name! Amongst others but we love it and it first her first and surname perfectly her name reads so lovely

We’re just worried that BIL and his wife will be annoyed that we’d use the same middle name as their daughter? I hope they wouldn’t be too hung up on it but DH’s brother is a bit childish to say the least so I can imagine he’d make snipey comments and be a bit rude to us regarding it

We don’t want that at all, we just want it to be a happy time and we don’t want to pick this name to annoy BIL but we really do just love the middle name for reasons stated before!

Is it so unreasonable if she had the same middle name as his daughter ? Her cousin

Are we being arseholes or am I just worrying too much?

If it’s Rose then every other girl had that middle name so I don’t think it’s a big deal that two cousins have the same.
Like if you were born in the 80s and your middle name is Louise.

@RAOK I couldn’t possibly comment.

@zigaziga

If it’s Rose then every other girl had that middle name so I don’t think it’s a big deal that two cousins have the same. Like if you were born in the 80s and your middle name is Louise.

In my class at primary school there were exactly 3 girls who did not have the middle name Louise. Me and two girl’s whose first names were Louise.

My daughter and niece (DSis DD) have the same middle name. My niece is a few years older. Her mum/my sister didn’t mind.

Amongst my siblings and cousins, some of us have called our kids the same first names so, on that basis, I think you should go for whatever middle name you fancy. I wouldn't have any issue with a family member choosing the same middle name.

Yes, just remembered my sister and cousin have the same middle name and it isn't anywhere near as common as Rose / May / Louise etc. Nobody cared. In fact they both have three syllable, kind of similar sounding first names and then the same middle name. Again, nobody gave a shit.

My nephew also has the same first name as my cousin's son. Nobody cares! They never see each other anyway.

My mum has two sisters and they both called their daughters (first name) my mums name. It is not a common name but not made up either. My sister then used the name as a middle name for her daughter. I’ve never thought twice about having two cousins on the same side of the family called the same thing 🤷‍♀️

In my class at primary school there were exactly 3 girls who did not have the middle name Louise. Me and two girl’s whose first names were Louise.

If the 80s middle name was Louise and the 2010s/ 2020s middle name is Rose, I wonder what the middle name everyone born in the 90s had? I’m actually not sure I know many people born in the 90s to ask!

We purposely chose middle names to match cousins (first one is great grandads name) then decided the others could match a cousin too - they love it as is a name link on maternal side where surname is different. No issue at all.

It’s absolutely fine to reuse a middle name. Some of my children, nieces and nephews share the same middle name (they are close cousins of varying ages) and they love the wee connection to each other!

Also, I wouldn’t even give the in laws the satisfaction of running the name past them. Just happily announce your little girl’s full name when she’s here.

I don’t think it matters one bit if the middle name is popular either. You love it because it sounds beautiful. I wouldn’t be changing it to a family name etc for the sake of it.

@zigaziga I'm early 90s and Jane/Elizabeth/Louise are literally the middle name of me and all my friends.

I have the same middle name as my cousin. We’re close in age. It has barely ever registered with anyone that it’s the same. No one gives two hoots about other people’s middle names.

Can’t you just say-her name is Eleanor and not announce the middle name?

I have the same middle name as 2 of my cousins. My DD has the same middle name as my cousin's DD. No one has commented except to say how nice it is that they match!

Also , this has just reminded me that when i was in secondary school, 7 out of our class of 24 had the middle name Rose. We also had 9 Hannah's and 8 Isabel/isabelle/isabella/isobels out of a year group of 98. Hilarious.

I think you’re asking people to make you feel ok about using it and discounting those who don’t . Just use it.

When I was young, most girls in my class had the middle name Elizabeth. It was whatever. I wouldn’t have blinked if two cousins had that same middle name.

I agree with YoniAndGuy totally also.

If you’re worried, don’t give your BIL the child’s full name. I probably couldn’t tell you what my nephew or nieces middle names are, tbh. Middle names aren’t important.

Obviously it goes without saying that you don’t need to “ask permission” to use a name, but if you’re worried about it why don’t you just speak to them? Say “I hope you don’t think this is weird, but we’d love to have Rose as our DDs middle name, but we know your little one also has it! Just checking you’d be ok if we used it too?” they’re not exactly likely to say “actually no, I’d prefer you used a different name”... and if they are the type to say that, at least you’ll know their feelings in advance, rather than them making a comment when she’s born!

My Brother and SIL used the same middle name as their niece on SIL side, it's also not a very common name either but there were never any problems. Use it and if they have a problem with it, they'll just have to suck it up.

I have at least three nephews with the same middle name (my late father's). Not seeing your problem, it's fine.

My DD and her cousin who is 2 years younger than her have the same middle name. We love it that they have that little link to one another. They get on really well. The name is pretty common as a middle name, but it suits them both beautifully. Go for it!

@zigaziga

If it’s Rose then every other girl had that middle name so I don’t think it’s a big deal that two cousins have the same. Like if you were born in the 80s and your middle name is Louise.

Or they have perfectly good imaginations but also share a taste in beautiful names, and are presumably more polite than this post!

Just have a chat and say you intend to use the name, don’t debate it. My sister and 2 cousins share the same middle name, it’s a family name, I’m the only female cousin without it as my
Mother obviously didn’t want two children with the same name. It’s not uncommon and cousins usually love it at a young age.