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Original poster

Change baby's name? Help

40 replies

hoorayformatcha · 01/11/2020 10:22

Hi,
I'd please like your honest thoughts on whether I should change my baby's name. He's now 5 months old and the name we chose still doesn't sit right. It's also much more popular than I originally thought it was and there are different pronunciations and we have had to correct people a lot.
I feel like I just should have done this earlier. I think maybe it's too late now? I worry if we do that people will think I'm a bad mum. I worry that he will learn the story one day and my indecision will affect him.
I feel also that I would feel upset to lose the name we have at the moment as it has been used by other people and we did love it before he was born.
My husband wants me to make a decision now. I also feel that my husband would feel upset and embarrassed even though he's willing to change it. This makes me sad to think of him upset and embarrassed. I would definitely feel embarrassed too and I also care what people think.
I know ultimately a name shouldn't matter that much as I have a lovely baby boy and I know I am so lucky to have that
Please let me know your thoughts, good or bad.
Thanks

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CharityPecksniff · 01/11/2020 10:26

Tricky one, I feel for you.

Five months is pretty young. What's the name OP?

Greyhoundgirly · 01/11/2020 10:30

I think the not sitting right and the pronunciation is one thing. The popularity thing is another. At the end of the day you could give your child a new name and then some celebrity or royal give their baby that name and that also becomes a super popular name so I'd let yourself off on that one unless you go pretty obscure. I do wonder what the name is though, how can it be popular but have multiple pronunciations?

Original poster
hoorayformatcha · 01/11/2020 11:21

I'd prefer not to say as I'd like to stay anonymous, sorry

OP posts:
Diverseduvet · 01/11/2020 11:25

I'd change it if you feel that strongly then inform everybody. Start using new name asap

ArmchairCritics · 01/11/2020 11:25

We did this. Roughly the same age as well actually. Were between two names for my whole pregnancy and made a fairly snap call at the last minute to choose one over the other based on some fairly superfluous reasoning. Like you I also struggled with how popular our chosen name was and also multiple spellings. In the end I got so stressed about it I could barely even say her name as it just wasn’t sitting right with me. Spoke to DH and made the decision to try the other name for 2 weeks then decide. Best thing we ever did. I immediately knew that this was what her name was actually meant to be so we made the change permanent. The old name is now a distant memory (bar the odd personalised gift still kicking about!) and we are SO happy we changed it. Try it out and see, you’ll know pretty quickly I reckon,

ArmchairCritics · 01/11/2020 11:31

(Oh, and FWIW, you are MASSIVELY overthinking this in terms of how it might affect him later; it will become nothing but a passing anecdote especially if you change before a year as a whole new birth certificate is then issued and there’s no record of the previous name. My nasty MIL tried to pull this absolute bullsh*t I can only assume to make me feel bad about changing it; the fact is baby doesn’t even begin to recognise their own name until at least 6 months anyway so you’ve still time anyway. And no one else should be invested enough in his name other than you to mind if you change it; at the end of the day the only people who get to decide if the name is the ‘right’ one are you and your husband.

Original poster
hoorayformatcha · 01/11/2020 11:34

Thanks @ArmchairCritics. I did suggest this to my hubby but he says he doesn't want to try out the new name. I've been talking about this for so long that he really just needs me to make a decision as it's driving him a bit crazy. This is why I'm finding it so hard because it's me that it comes down to.
I'm worried I'll make the decision and then feel regret or loss for the old name, as it has some attachment. I've tried to get over this lots of times but it keeps coming back.
I think maybe if I thought there's no option to change then I'd just have to get used to the name and that would be the end of that?

OP posts:
ArmchairCritics · 01/11/2020 11:47

@hoorayformatcha how bizarre, why on earth not? Even for a week perhaps? How else are you going to know? I wonder whether this might be a ‘putting your foot down’ moment; you are just as entitled to insist on trying the name as he is to insist that you don’t, and quite frankly he’s being ridiculous. You don’t have to go announcing it to the world, just try it out for size around the house for a week? Honestly, you’ll know either way as soon as you do.

ArmchairCritics · 01/11/2020 11:49

(I’m really sorry I’m all up on my soapbox about this, I just feel so strongly for you about being comfortable with your chosen name, as I know how much of a negative affect using the ‘wrong’ one had on me, though of course you may not be the same! Just over here trying to be your cheerleader 🙈)

roarfeckingroarr · 01/11/2020 11:53

If it's that popular, you'll hardly out yourself by saying it...

Original poster
hoorayformatcha · 01/11/2020 12:02

@ArmchairCritics I understand what you're saying but he has been understanding. This has been going on for months and months and he just wants to enjoy using her name without feeling like it will change any minute. I think this just goes round and round and it's really taking it's toll now.

OP posts:
Original poster
hoorayformatcha · 01/11/2020 12:04

@ArmchairCritics Thank you, I appreciate it! What was your situation? Did you change your baby's name or regret not doing it?
Don't want my hubby to come across as rigid because he's not. Most people I talk to about this are amazed he's still entertaining the idea of changing it!

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ArmchairCritics · 01/11/2020 12:19

@hoorayformatcha yes we changed it 🤗 - that’s me in the 6th post down on the thread. So glad we did, absolutely no regrets and the whole thing is a distant memory a few months down the line. Glad he’s being understanding! Good luck whatever you decide.

Feminist10101 · 01/11/2020 12:36

@hoorayformatcha

I'd prefer not to say as I'd like to stay anonymous, sorry
It's also much more popular than I originally thought it was and there are different pronunciations and we have had to correct people a lot.

The odds of someone recognising you in this instance are tiny.

Original poster
hoorayformatcha · 01/11/2020 13:31

@Feminist10101 I know it would be unlikely, but all the same I'd like to keep it to myself. Also it would be better for it not to be a discussion on which name is better but on the big decision of whether to change.

OP posts:
Waitingforamate · 01/11/2020 14:48

We changed baby’s name and it was the best decision. Original name did not sit right and I was all consumed with it and hated introducing her to people.

Original poster
hoorayformatcha · 01/11/2020 18:12

@Waitingforamate how old was your baby?

OP posts:
Original poster
hoorayformatcha · 01/11/2020 18:12

@Waitingforamate and how did it go down with people?

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 01/11/2020 18:14

Stop caring what other people think.

Your indecision will not affect your child in any way.

Decide what you want and not on the basis of anyone else's thoughts.

MikeUniformMike · 01/11/2020 18:45

It depends on the name, OP. If the name is always popular like Oliver/Thomas/Daniel etc then I'd stick with it.

If it's something that is trendy like Roman, Arlo or Ezra, change it, if your DH is ok about it, as they'll be more likely to date and chances are you chose the name because it was 'unusual' so finding out there are several in his peer group will bother you.

Is it the name that is bothering you or is it life in general?

Audreyseyebrows · 01/11/2020 18:48

Has he got a middle name you could use instead?

hollylouise1994 · 01/11/2020 18:54

I’m going against the majority and saying don’t change it - suppose you do and then regret that as well? At least by keeping this one, it’s the name you gave him from the get go and that’s that.

I think it’s one of those decisions that can be a bit over-thought if you allow it to be. And popular names really are not a big deal. I thought I cared because my eldest has a Top 40 name but as time has gone on I don’t tbh.

rainbow40 · 01/11/2020 21:26

@ArmchairCritics where abouts are ? As I believe the original name is still recorded and new name added to bc if in England

ArmchairCritics · 01/11/2020 21:42

@rainbow40 oh sorry, perhaps I’m wrong - this is definitely what happens in Scotland but I may have assumed I was looking at a UK-wide bit of guidance when actually it just applies to Scotland. An amendment is certainly the case above one year here, but below a year it’s a new certificate.

MercyBodle · 01/11/2020 21:51

It's fine to change it at this age. You will not be affecting your baby. You will not be a bad mum (I'm sure you're a great mum!) Don't be bullied by your husband into deciding too quickly - you need to take the time it takes. Just you, on your own, call your baby by your alternate name. Maybe for a week or two, maybe longer - till you know if it's right or not. Consider the option of keeping the old name if you decide to change - just put the new name in front of it.

Best wishes - I know you're feeling stressed and anxious about this but I hope you can take the drama out of it a little. Just be calm, try out the other name. It is not that uncommon to change a baby's name - as this thread shows.

It is a risk changing because of popularity - you don't know who you'll be mixing with in the future or who will be in his class. Not sitting right seems a good reason though - your gut instinct is that it's not right.