Found out an ex used our name

[JK201]

I feel so trivial writing this....

Hubby and I have been together for 9 years, we have no ex's who live near us, no ties with ex's, no axes to grind etc. We simply both just outgrew our late 20's respective partners and moved on. Since then, other than the immediate fall out and usual house sale admin neither of us have had any contact or interest in our former partners. We do not follow our ex's on social media.

We are expecting our second baby in
a few weeks and had settled on a name, not a hugely unique name, infact it's quite popular right now but what we intend to shorten it to a slightly more unusual version than the obvious shortening. Anyway, somehow through a friend of a colleague of a friend we found out purely in passing conversation my husbands ex has had a baby boy and named her child the shortened version of our name.

Our lives are so far removed from her it really would have no bearing at all and it really shouldn't matter. But I can't shift that feeling of we should re-choose. Like I say, it's all in the past, there's no ill feeling on either side and no skeletons or bad history. I just can't shift that feeling that now I know I want to avoid that name. Hubby isn't fussed either way, he says so what, it was 10 years ago and it's only by chance we found out and means nothing.

Help.

Your husband is right. I wouldn’t give it another thought.

I also agree with your husband! See if you can shake it off.

Use the name anyway. If you don't, you'll have let your ex influence your present-day life.

I say sit with it for a couple of weeks and see how you feel then. If the feeling isn’t going away and your husband isn’t fussed, then discuss looking towards another name. Good luck!

Wait until the baby arrives and have a few other names in mind just in case DS doesn't look like a Firstname nn Nickname.

If the name is unremarkable (e.g. top 50), don't worry about it.

I'd wait till baby is here to name them. You need to see what they look like and what suits them.

It's not your name, it's a name.

Use it anyway! Or you is there more to it ?

is there*

I think it’s okay to use the name, especially as you say it isn’t an unusual name. If it was very uncommon I probably wouldn’t because it might feel a bit weird. I agree it might be an idea to have a backup in case it still feels off when the baby comes.

I'd personally feel the same as you do and would choose a different name. But maybe that's just me.
I would feel like it was a sign not to use it and that a better name was out there for my dc

Weirdly I have just posted a really similar thing - about my ex using the same name we had planned. I also feel weird about it, but people are telling me there's no need.

I get you.

Presumably you did share some tastes in common with your ex so not unusual you should both favour a particular name, along with hundreds of other new parents. I’d just disregard it and use the name ( if it suits baby) and personalise it with your more unusual nn.

I found out that my ex used “our” name we’d chosen if we’d had a girl and his daughters middle name is the same as my daughters name that obviously he was around a lot. I still find it odd...

I think if you feel weird about it that's enough reason to change it. It may not be entirely rational, but many of our associations and preferences for different names are irrational! Is there another name you love?

I wouldn't change it, but since you want to and your husband doesn't mind, then sure, why not?

If it's Sam, Teddy or Oliver YABU.

Otherwise pick a different name or you might be reminded of your ex every time you have to say your son's name.

I named DC1 the same name as my ex boyfriend and his wife had used for their first child. Ex and I are still on each other's radar through mutual friends but don't ever see each other. He used it 5 years before me but it was one of the only names that DH and I agreed on plus it's a family name on my side. I don't think it's weird but I have wondered at times if ex and his wife think it is.