Sister in law wants same name

[Flymeaway4]

I'm pregnant with our first child. My fiance and I have spoken about names and have one boys name we love, although it's not settled yet. We purposefully haven't mentioned any names we like/don't like to anyone else, because we don't want them turning their nose up at a name we love and putting us off.

The other day my sister in law mentioned that she loved a certain name (the one we love) and if she ever has another boy that's what she'd like to call him! She has 2 boys already and I didn't think they were planning any more, but maybe they are after that comment?!

Would we be wrong to use that name now? Should we ask her before using it?

Use the name.

No, you really shouldn't ask her before using it. As people often say on mumsnet, no one owns a name, and while I think there are sometimes circumstances when you should avoid using a name, I really don't think this is one of them.

If I were you I'd go ahead and use it, and when you announce the birth and name, if it feels appropriate you could mention to SIL that you'd already chosen it before she told you she liked it.

Is she the type to get offended and think you "stole" "her" name?

Just use it. No one owns a name.

When she said you liked the name did you say it was one if the ones you were thinking of? Cause that will make it easier if you do decide to use the name

My exes sister named her son after my ex. 6 years down the line when he had his own son ( my baby ) he wanted to name his son after himself. So now theres 2 cousins with the exact same name but about 7 years age difference. Nobody's bothered about them having the same name

Why would you allow her to reserve the name?..
Bonkers.
Use the bloody name!

My sister has the same name as one of our first cousins and they're very close in age. It happens to be the same as my daughter. And my aunt. And my grandmother. And quite a lot of other members of my extended family. Some with the same surname. Even my husband's second cousin called one of her daughters this name.
No confusion and no toes trodden on.
You need no one's permission to use a name.

I have 2 cousins with the same name. It’s not a problem at all.
I’d use it.. she may not have any more children, or she may have a girl xx

Use the name she's not even pregnant!! If she was and she said she liked it I may not use it but even then you could because nobody owns it as pps have said!

When she mentioned the name I'd of jumped in there with "Oh, that's our favourite too" or something to that effect.
If you haven't said anything then it does look like you've got the name idea from her tbh.
It's no one's name to own however, so I'd still use it.

Agree with PPs that ideally you should have said something like "oh we love it too". But even if you didn't you should definitely still use it.

She’s got 2 boys already so if she loved it that much surely she’s had 2 chances to use it.
She’s not pg and you are so go for it.

There’s no guarantee she will ever have another child so ask yourself if you don’t use it will you regret it?

Just use whatever you want.

When we had our dc we refused to get into any conversations about names and just told people when he was born.

Definitely go ahead and use the name, though I'd have your DP give her a heads-up that you'll be doing so if your baby is a boy. Not to "ask" (as everyone else has said, she doesn't own it!) but just to warn her that it was already top of your list and you'd both agreed, etc. That way she can get over any initial, misplaced hurt before it's born and you avoid any drama in the early days.

I think you should use it but I do think it’ll be slightly awkward if you didn’t say anything at the time and it would be worth mentioning it in advance that you genuinely already had this as your favoured name. Nobody owns a name but no point in creating unnecessary bad feeling when SIL will automatically think you “stole” the name she mentioned when this could be cleared up in advance. I don’t think you should ask permission but I do think you should explain that you already had this name in mind before she mentioned it.

I was hoping you'd all say that, as we're struggling to find another boys name we like! Was worried it might seem like we stole it, but I guess I'll just have to explain. We didn't say anything at the time, partly because we were a bit shocked, but also because we don't really want to discuss names with anyone else before baby arrives (we see it as our choice and find people are too judgemental about names before it's here). We'll see, it may be a girl anyway!

Thank you everyone

I think you should speak to her if you plan on using it. Not to ask permission but to let her know.

Imagine it the other way - OP posting “my SIL just had a baby and named the baby the name I want to use if I ever have another. I told her it was the name I wanted to use and she didn’t say anything and then 2 months later has used the name herself without saying anything to me!”

Use it ! What is it? im struggling for boys names x