DP vetoed all special names? WWYD

[Auntieaunt]

We’re not even pregnant yet - kind of half trying to see ‘what happens’.

We’ve been talking a lot about baby names as there’s two girls names I’ve always had my heart set on.

There’s a family tradition that goes back generations (at least since the 1800s) that every other generational there’s a Rose. My granny Rose pretty much raised me and was an unbelievably strong lady and real role model. She’s always spoke highly of her Granny Rose and it’s always something I’ve wanted (I also like the name as it’s not that popular now and classic).

My DP has ruled it out but maybe as a middle name as ‘it’s too old fashioned’.

I really like classic/traditional names. He wants something fashionable. I don’t know how we’re going to meet in the middle here.

Names come in and out of fashion. Just pick a name that you love. My ds name was considered out dated, but in the last 5-7 years the name has become extremely popular.

I think middle name is fair if he doesn't like it very much.

I think Rose is in fashion - so it should suit both of you. It’s definitely not old-fashioned at all. It’s very, very common as a middle name and is even better as a first name.

I don't think you can expect someone to call their child a name they dislike just because it's a tradition in your family. You have to come up with something you both like - you'd not want to call your baby after his relative if it was a name you weren't keen on.

It doesn’t make sense to have a “Rose” in every generation. Your daughter is her own person, she doesn’t need to live up to the namesake of granny Rose.

Names come in & out of fashion and I personally feel that Rose is currently outdated. It is much more popular as a middle name though eg Evie Rose.

I think special family names should really be middle names, rather than it being a done deal as a first name that gives your partner no say.

The name needs to be agreed on by both parents, regardless of whether one has been thinking of one name for years.

He hasn't ruled it out if he agreed to it as a middle name. That's fair enough.

There's nothing in the least old-fashioned about Rose. What does your husband mean by "fashionable" names?

Would he want the baby to have his surname?

Look, you are not married, so the bottom line is - it's your decision!

Meet in the middle, yes, but I'd be quite straightforward about telling him that for a start, if he was expecting a child to have his surname before marriage - or even a double-barrel - then the first name would be my choice.

He has no 'veto'

Surely, if it’s every other generation and you have a grandmother called Rose, your parents should have named you Rose, not you naming your daughter that. It’s a nice name, but your justification for choosing it is flawed. So just choose a name you both like!

Fizzy, she might be able to legally do whatever she wants wrt the name but if she does that, she won't have a relationship for very long! Not being married doesn't make him any less the child's parent.

One of the Rose-and-suffix names?

Rosanna
Rosalind
Rosamund
Rosalie

Or Rosa?

Surely, if it’s every other generation and you have a grandmother called Rose, your parents should have named you Rose, not you naming your daughter that.

This is what I was coming on to say - the tradition has been broken already! So it's not a justification for naming this child Rose.

Rose is an ok name but if he doesn't like it, he doesn't like it. You both have to come up with something mutually agreeable.

From the opposite perspective - when DH mentioned that if we had kids we had to call them X and Y, I said no - not even because I disliked the names (although I did) but because it just took away any opportunity for me to actually have a say. I wanted to choose, not be given a fait accompli.

I'd agree, using family names as middle names is better. I'm in the situation your DP is in...my partner really wants to use his mother's name as a middle name. Not only do I not get on with his mother, I can't stand her name either. I'm trying to find a version of it that is acceptable as a middle name.

E.g. Rose, Rosa, Rosamund etc.

It's important that both partners truly like the name. That said, this is a long way off - it might grow on him.

Have you looked at the popularity lists? Rose/Rosa is quite current, and very very popular as a middle name. I don't know if the current lists would make him rethink what "modern" names look like? If he doesn't know many babies, he might be surprised.

Whose surname are you giving your baby? Your boyfriends or yours?

I think middle name seems like a fair compromise.

Surely, if it’s every other generation and you have a grandmother called Rose, your parents should have named you Rose, not you naming your daughter that.

This. Ultimately, both parents should really agree on a name they both like together. Given that you're unmarried and presumably have different surnames too then that's all names on the table. Find something you can agree on, which may be a compromise such as using it as a middle name. Rose is actually very common as a middle name at the moment though, if that's not what you're looking for

You could only have boy children. What then? dont stress until the situation becomes relevant. things will become clearer then.
FWIW I totally went off of my special long standing names when it actually came to it. They suddenly weren't right for the 'actual' children who were instantly themselves in their own right. The reality of a baby rather than hypothetical situation makes a huge difference.

Rose is really popular round here for little babies - it’s very fashionable for 2020!

Your DP might come round to the idea when he sees a/the bump

If it's every other generation and your Grandma is called Rose then shouldn't you be called Rose and not your future DD?

As @Ellmau suggests, you could be creative and see if he likes one of the Rose variants. As well as the ones she suggests there’s:

Primrose
Rosalyn
Rosetta
Rosie - surely one of the most popular / fashionable names at the moment
Rosa

Or even:

Briallen (Welsh for Primrose)
Roisin (Irish for ‘little rose')

But really - it’s all so hypothetical at this point I wouldn’t worry about it. There are a gazillion names in the world - I’m sure you’ll find one you can agree on when it comes to it. And a middle name to continue your family tradition seems like a good compromise to me.