Would this put you off a name

[IDontLikeMondays88]

I’ve had a certain boys name on my list since early on in my pregnancy. At one point it was the front runner, although we now have a few we like.

I’ve met a few new mums through various ante natal groups and one of them has used this name. I would stress these are new acquaintances rather than life long friends. I’m of course hoping to keep in contact with these mums but who knows. I’ve actually not even seen them for months due to lockdown although there is a WhatsApp group we communicate on.

I’m not sure whether the fact that someone else has used this name should put me off or not, or whether it would be poor etiquette to use it now. If it was a really good friend then of course I wouldn’t.

Any thoughts?

It wouldn't if I was using the name for a reason - such as a family name or one I'd loved for years. But if it was just a name I liked and had others I liked I wouldn't.

But if I was the other mum I wouldn't be bothered.

The reason for using it isn’t that it’s a family name or anything, more that my husband and I are finding it tough to settle on a name and this is one we both like.

I wouldn't, I would always think that the person thought I named my baby after theirs.

But, as MN always says, no one owns a name, so if you love it, go for it.

It depends how popular it is, if it was very rare then I wouldn’t because I’d feel self conscious using a name that would stand out as being the same because it was an unusual choice. Something more mainstream I would still use it.

It’s not top 100 or anything but not uber unusual either

it depends. I'd probably have to say to the parents ''I was momentarily put off using the name we'd chosen when I heard what you'd called the baby but now I realise this is statistically likely for a name ranked at XX moving up the charts''.

That is ego though. Who cares if she thinks you copied her.

I’d use it. She’s not a neighbour, good friend or a relative.

Then I’d say go for it if it’s still the name you love most.

12 years ago there were two Wilf’s in my baby group which surprised me as it wasn’t popular then, there’s always a risk that you’ll meet someone who chose the same name so you might as well make sure it’s one you love hearing as you’ll be hearing them say it too!

What’s the name? I probably would. You could send her a message just to say:

congratulations on your birth, I can’t wait until my little one is here too! We love the name you’ve chosen and it’s been top of our list for a while, so it looks there will be two little Billys meeting for play dates soon!

So you’re not asking her permission, just letting her know and keeping it positive.

Out of 7 in my NCT group, we were very close on maternity leave, then when we all went back to work it got less and less, some had second babies, some moved away (one to Australia!), we keep in touch on Facebook but it wouldn’t matter at all if two of the babies (now six year olds!) had had the same name.

I'd use it without hesitation, it's not as if someone close to you had used it.

@sawollya Why would you say that?!

It’s not unusual at all for babies who’s parents belong in a parents group to share names! Go for it!

@LittleRa, I thought that would be obvious.

Nobody wants a neighbour they're going to cross paths with to believe that they copied them.

So that's why I said that if your ego is upset by that (and that's not unnatural, it's human) you could briefly acknowledge that it was a difficult decision.

Not exactly complex feelings!

@sawollya I just meant the way you put it wasn’t very friendly

You inferred it to lack warmth but it wouldn't be said without warmth. I put it clearly and succinctly.

I personally wouldn’t, you might become really good friends after all. Majority of my close friends are ‘mum friends’. That is only my opinion however, you do you!

Hmm, quite tricky!

I did already say to her when she announced the name, that it was a lovely name that was on our list of possibles.

Use it but tell the WhatsApp group when you announce the birth that it's after your grandfather or someone, so they won't think you're copying. I sympathise with not being able to find a name you and your DH agree on (I'm currently in the same boat!), don't not use it because of someone you might never see again.

Go for it if you like it. Who cares if someone else you know slightly will have a child with the same name? At school there will be a few children who share a name, that has always been the case.