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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

What did you do with surnames?

27 replies

BabyLlamaZen · 15/05/2020 12:55

Just curious. We gave ds both our surnames (I kept mine for personal reasons and this is something I have always felt strongly about). Despite this, many of my friends still call me by my husband's name!

We understand that ds now has a very long name. I am happy for him to drop whatever part of his name he wants when he's older (including if it is my part). I just felt strongly he should start with both equally. We also grew up in London where long and mixed names were not unusual.

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NameChange30 · 15/05/2020 13:00

Same as you. DS has both surnames (no hyphen) and we chose a short first name! DC2 will have the same. We decided on no hyphen because it allows a bit more flexibility for dropping one of the names if they want to. Full name on official documents though.

Mistressiggi · 15/05/2020 13:00

Very normal to have a double barrelled name. It's your friends who call you mrs x? That makes no sense, get them telt!

nervousnelly8 · 15/05/2020 13:07

We gave DS double barrelled after much agonising. With hindsight, I would have preferred us all to be double barrelled so that we share the name. But it's too much faff to do it now. We get a weird and wonderful mix of names when people send stuff to us!

Orphlids · 15/05/2020 13:13

We did the same as you, too. Kids have my surname, hyphen, his surname. DP’s family try to annoy me by addressing things to the kids using only their surname . Like you, I’m more than happy for the kids to drop whatever part of the name they like, as it is a bit of a mouthful. But I didn’t want them to miss out completely on my name. Although from a feminist point of view, it’s all a bit of a waste of time, as there’s no such thing as a woman’s surname, is there? It will have been inherited from a man somewhere along the line.

LividLaughLovely · 15/05/2020 13:18

We agonised over it and for complicated reasons DC now has two middle names plus an unusual double barrelled surname!

He’s certainly unique...

happymummy12345 · 15/05/2020 13:22

I always knew I'd take my husbands name when I got married. I did, so any children will have our family name (my husbands surname).
I know many think it's outdated but I loved the tradition of taking my husbands name and being mrs husbands name

NameChange30 · 15/05/2020 13:26

"Although from a feminist point of view, it’s all a bit of a waste of time, as there’s no such thing as a woman’s surname, is there? It will have been inherited from a man somewhere along the line."

Absolutely not a waste of time. Of course there is such a thing as a woman's surname. Why do people say that a man's surname belongs to him but a woman's surname belongs to her father?! The point is that women should keep the surname given to them at birth, just as the vast majority of men do. When mothers give their own surnames to their children, and those surnames are in turn kept and passed down, they will be the women's names as much as the men's.

YahBasic · 15/05/2020 13:27

DH already has a historic double barrelled surname, so I feel like I now have no option to include mine in there. Who wants a triple barrelled surname!

At some point in the future, there will be some difficult conversations between couples who both have double-barrelled surnames, but “strongly think” they should keep their names in there.

NameChange30 · 15/05/2020 13:28

It's pretty simple. One surname from each parent.
The Spanish do it! They pass on the grandfathers' surnames, but that's easily fixed by passing on one grandmother's surname and one grandfather's surname, to make it equal.
Or just pick the two surnames that work best together.

Original poster

BabyLlamaZen · 15/05/2020 13:55

We get a few odd looks now we're no longer in London as it is pretty long and I removed the hyphen as DH has a double barrell. The more people who've been odd about it though the more determined I've been to keep it.

OP posts:

Purpleartichoke · 15/05/2020 14:28

We didn’t want to hyphenate because for us, that felt like pushing the choice on the child. It’s impossible to hyphenate through many generations. So we went with girls would get mine and boys would get his. We considered a coin flip, but wanted something that could be copied if our children chose to do so. Either of us giving up our birth names was never really an option.

whatswithtodaytoday · 15/05/2020 14:36

We're not married, and he has my surname. But if we were I wouldn't dream of changing my name anyway and we would still have named him my surname, my partner doesn't have any particular connection to his name whereas mine is quite unusual.

And yes, my surname is my name - it is from my father's side of the family (because it would have been highly unusual to give a child the mother's name in the early 80s), but it is MY name. And now my son's.

FerneGreene · 15/05/2020 14:42

DC isn't here yet, but she'll have my surname with DP's as a middle name.

If we marry in the future and I take his name then we'll swap it for DC as well.. not really decided on this yet though. DP is fairly unbothered but on the other hand his surname is slightly nicer so 🤷

Passionfruitt · 15/05/2020 15:27

All Hispanic countries do it. I have a first name + middle + two surnames. It was always the law that a father's name should go first but it was just recently changed in the country I'm from that the mother's surname can go first. My DP is English and so when we've discussed marriage and kids I've always been very clear that I'm keeping my surname.

I am not sure if I would give them double surnames or just put mine as their middle name. It is a very rare and unique surname so I don't want my future DC to miss out on it. It is a nightmare to spell and pronounce but it is a part of who I am and I want my DC to be a part of it too

NameChange30 · 15/05/2020 15:28

Don't relegate it to middle name.

Babyfg · 15/05/2020 22:46

That's interesting about a woman not having a surname, but genuine question, doesn't a man technically have his fathers name to?

I kept my surname after marriage but the kids took their fathers surname. I'm not really sure why. A friend of mine gets really heated that the kids don't have my surname. This scenario is probably more question raising than if my kids had both our surnames if that's any consolation 🤦‍♀️

Purpleartichoke · 15/05/2020 23:29

My surname doesn’t belong to a man. It belongs to me. It’s the name on my degree. It’s the name I published with. The day I was born, the name became a surname that belongs to a woman. It doesn’t matter who it came from. Technically, it’s not even my name by blood because my father was adopted. That doesn’t make it any less my name.

Nicknamegoeshere · 16/05/2020 00:26

Our daughter (due soon) will be double-barrelled so my fiancé's surname plus my surname (family name). When we marry I will also become double-barrelled so will match my daughter.
My two boys from my ex-husband have a totally different surname to me and that makes me sad - really regret changing it upon marriage. Young and naive.
My youngest (10) says that when he is old enough he is going to db his surname to include mine because how he sees it is simply that he is half of me, half of his dad

Midnightdream · 17/05/2020 00:02

DS1 has my last name. I'm currently pregnant(different father), DC will have my last name. We are not married and I dont want them having different surnames.

DP has no objections and agrees the children should have the same last name.

CayrolBaaaskin · 17/05/2020 00:07

Have dds both surnames (no hyphen). They can decide to drop either, both or none when they are adults

MamaGee09 · 17/05/2020 00:09

Dh knew that if we were to have children they would take the same surname as me, so it was either my maiden name if not married or our married name if I was. We got married way before having our children so we all have the same surname.

May be old fashioned to some but much prefer my married name to my maiden name.

edwardson · 17/05/2020 00:22

An economist (forgot their name but heard on a podcast recently) said that they wish they'd thought of their solution to the "naming problem" before they got married and had kids. The suggestion: flip a coin at the wedding, and pick whichever name for both people and for the kids. I know that's probably a bit late for you, but I just wanted to get fun idea out there double barrelling also an excellent option.

CoalCraft · 18/05/2020 12:13

I use my married name for personal matters and maiden for work stuff. Kids will have my married name.

Maiden name is common and there's already a lot of children in the family. Married name is rare and DH is the only one on his family likely to pass it on. I also prefer my married name (I wouldn't have taken it if it were a name I didn't like)

sibbys · 18/05/2020 12:37

Our children have one first name and one of each our surnames (we didn't take each others when we got married). No middle names for our children so they are not too long.

MsSquiz · 18/05/2020 12:45

I took DH's surname when we got married & DD has only that surname.
I had no connection to my surname at all - I had my dad's surname, him and my mum split when I was 6 months and I rarely saw him. My mum remarried when I was 18 and took her new husband's surname.

If we'd had a son instead of DD, he would have had my mum's maiden name as a middle name, as I have a connection with that side of my family

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