“Stealing“ a name - cardinal sin? (From potential stealer)

[Changedname81]

Nine years ago my close friend was pregnant and discussing baby names with me - she wanted my opinion and the name she had I said “oh that’s been my favourite name since I was 11 and started getting into Greek mythology”. Of course she chose the name.

Nothing particularly special or unique to many - Phoebe . To me this name just sparkles and I LOVE it. Call me dramatic but it’s the name I’ve wanted for almost 30 years.

I was pregnant at the beginning of the year and she asked me about names. I said I was going to wait until baby was here (not strictly true). Long story short I sadly miscarried at 11 wks.

So whilst admittedly it’s not an issue at present I will hopefully in future be able to carry a healthy pregnancy (wish me luck lovely ladies) and if it’s a girl I’d love to use “my” name...

What tack do I take?

Sit down and have a chat about it and get her feelings?
When ( 🤞🏻) I get pregnant again and she asks about my names say “well as you know, Phoebe is my fave girls name...” and let that start a convo
Or just not announce and introduce? (My anxiety will probably not let me do this)

I realise this is all speculative, I might not get pregnant again/ it might be a boy.

One thing is for sure though, this is the name I love and to not use it on a girl would make me feel so sad.

(If you’re having a bad day and want to come on and be mean, is there any chance you could not cause I’m 4weeks out of a m/c and still feeling pretty fragile.)

Hope you’re all doing ok and keeping safe.

I think it is a common enough name that it is not an issue. Wait till you are pregnant to discuss it though. But if e.g. she was Norwegian and called her daughter Solveig and then you, with no connection to Scandinavia, used the same name that would be very different.

I think make a short list and discuss with her first, then when you have your baby you will know whether she is a Phoebe or not and if she is - tough your friend will have to deal with it. It’s not a particularly uncommon name so it’s not hers to shotgun.
If it helps, my auntie called my cousin Henry, a name that my mother and her had fought over, and a few weeks later my mum named my brother henry too. It was a little awkward at first but everyone (including both henry’s and our parents) found it very funny later on :)

Oh, OP, I am so sorry. Not only am I sorry, but 24 years ago, I was where you are. (More than one ms, then a year without success, THEN! Ds. Bc we had so much trouble, at ds 1yo, we tried and !! Our dc are 1 yr and 9 mos apart)

I bet you will have lovely baby.

Dh's friend took our name when we miscarried. It meant something to him bc of his deceased father. We still joke abt it but if we had truly wanted it, both sons would have that name.

Friends come and go. Our children are our hearts. Name your child whatever you wish. Best wishes