Choosing a middle name

[mazcroz]

Any advice much appreciated! We're having our first baby in June and it's a girl.

I wanted her middle name to be my mums name, however i'm really worried about offending my mother in law. I talked to my husband about this and he's completely fine about us using my mums name, however agrees it is likely to upset his mum if we do choose it. She's a very sensitive and emotional person.

What should I do? Should I just use the name I want and she will just have to suck it up? Or should I choose a different name entirely? help :(

Use your mil’s name too so there’s two middle names.
Don’t use your mum’s name.
Use your mum’s name and see what happens.

When you say your mil is emotional and sensitive, do you mean she’ll make a fuss about it?

Could you not give her two middle names or is MIL name awful?

@IggyAce Her names not awful or anything, but my husband is dead set against us using two middle names. Not sure why, I guess he's just not a fan of making her name too long. @Magicbabywaves It's not so much that she would make a fuss, she would just make me feel incredibly guilty. She is lovely, but cries at the drop of a hat about absolutely everything and I just don't want to upset her.

I can’t understand why your husband would care about two names, no one ever uses them. (All my children have two middle names, using the grandparents’ names). Well, there’s your answer I suppose. She’ll be upset if you do do it, so you have to decide if that’s worth it. (I’d do it, but I won’t be made to feel guilty about stuff like this)

Can you use a variation of your mums name? Ann - Annabel etc.
The tribute is there but not no blatant from your MILs point of view x

@Kiki275 That's a really good idea, her name is Dawn though so not sure how I would shorten it. I think maybe I might just have to go down the route of not using a family name x

How about Aurora instead of Dawn?

Dora ?

Oh yeh @HalfTermHalfTerm that’s a much better idea than mine. Aurora is the meaning of dawn definitely Aurora

What first name have you chosen @mazcroz

Two middle names would be easiest but would a combination name be at all possible? A friend of mine had her mother's name (Anne) and her partner's mother's name (Joan) combined into Joanne. A bit older though, as you can tell by the names .....
I don't mean invent a name though!
Alba means dawn in Italian, I think.

Are there any grandparents names in common? Or two names from both sides you could put together?

Use Dawn and don't let your MIL's emotional manipulation worry you.

Well your MIL sounds like hard work.

You say husband - did you take his surname after getting married? If so the baby will share a surname with MIL and that whole side of the family. So it would be right and fair for her to have a middle name from your side of the family.

Give baby your mum's name as a middle name. Do not engage with MIL if/when she is upset about it. Say something bland and change the subject.

Perhaps if you have another daughter in future you could consider using MIL's name as a middle name. But do not let your fear of her emotions dictate your choice this time. You and DH are going to have to be confident and assertive about asserting boundaries and making your own decisions. Parenting is not about pleasing other people.

USe your mums name and don’t feel bad about it. Our dd has my mums name as her middle name. Was my mil upset? I couldn’t tell you? I never asked as it was important to me that my dd has my mums name.

If the baby will have the same surname as your MIL, then calling the baby

Olivia MILfirstname MILsurnmae would be too much.
Dawn's a nice middle name.

I was going to say as a couple of PP have already said... baby is likely to have MIL surname!

If this baby is a girl, one of her middle names will be a combination of both my mum and my husbands mums names (Susanne taken from Susan and Julie Ann).

Thank you everyone :) I really appreciate your opinions, I think i'm going to just do it, it is important to me. And it is a good point @NameChange30 that she will have husbands surname so looking at it like that it feels fair!

I know sisters where one has one grandmother's name as a mn, and the other has the other grandmother's name as a mn.

Would she be amenable to the suggestion you use her name for a future second child? I ask only because I'm planning to do a similar thing should I ever have a second.

No matter what though, stick to your guns, and use just your mother's name. You and your DH both agree on it. Your DH is the one not wanting to have two middle names, which would allow his mother's name to be included.

Dawn is a gorgeous name btw. It's my younger sister's middle name, and I've always been mildly envious of it.

My SIL used her parents' first names as her two children's middle names. My mother is one of those emotionally fragile types and I was bracing myself for the fallout, but in fact it didnt bother her at all. So what I'm saying, is that your MIL might surprise you by being OK about it.