To give baby two surnames...unreasonable?

[lucifersam]

Hi everyone, I'm hoping you can have a read through this and see if I'm being sensible or ridiculous with this suggestion!

So I did not change my name when I married my husband - for two reasons. The first is that I am a doctor and I also have a PhD, so I have 20+ years of education plus a career built on my name. The second is that my partner is British and my family is Indian. Although I have a large extended family, I am the last person in my family with my surname.

I'm newly pregnant and we're talking about names now and a surname dilemma has come up. I would like to give our children both our surnames (mine first, his last, no hyphen) because I want to pass something of my family history and my culture onto my children. Both our surnames are only 4 letters long, so even if they were to use their full name it would only be 8 letters in total. They also sound really nice together.

I did consider putting my surname as a middle name, and this is my second option, but there's something so appealing to me about both of our surnames having equal standing. Of course I expect and have no problem that casually our kids might only use one surname (my husband's, since his would come second), but I would at least like to give them the option to use both if they wanted to further down the line.

I don't think my husband has fully made his mind up on what he wants to do but now I keep second guessing myself! In the context of the wider world, am I being too unreasonable in wanting to do this?

Oops...did not mean to format that "full" into bold. Sorry guys!

Sounds perfect. Don’t doubt yourself.

That sounds like a good option.

He doesn't get to veto it any more than you get to veto his surname being used, I'd say. So the decision is yours. He decides whether he wants his surname there, you decide for yours - the end.

Sounds like a great idea to me.

That sounds good just please don’t double barrel! My name is double barrel and it causes nothing but issues

Sounds fine. I added my husband's surname after mine (no hyphen), and DC has both surnames in three same order.

*the same order

YANBU. I myself have two surnames, no hyphen.
I did the same for my DS who has one surname from me and one from his dad (DH).
It's the best and fairest way to do it IMO, and if both surnames are short and sound good together - perfect.
I think it's only an issue if the surnames are very long and/or sound really bad together.

Someone I know combined her and her husband's names into one name when they got married and they both changed their surnames (two give letter, fairly common English surnames).

I know plenty of families where Mum keeps her surname and DC gets both surnames. It is very common in academia/professions. As to order of surnames that is split about 50:50 (some, mother's 1st, others put the father's first). I would go with the order that sounds the best.

In my case, my surname didn't really blend with DH's so I just kept using my surname. People struggle to spell both of them, sadly.

Sounds sensible to me. It has worked well for us. Works well for family too, as they can just use ‘their’ name if they want to for whatever reason.

You're definitely not being unreasonable, I think it's a great idea and DH and I are doing the same! Our names are both two syllables so it will be four syllables altogether. We will not hyphenate as I think this can look a bit lame and as others have said, could have complications. In Spanish culture nearly everyone has two surnames it's super normal! Not that we are Spanish ;) For me it's the only way. We are not married, and if we do marry I wouldn't take his name. My name is part of me, and my mother gave me her name as she raised me as a solo mum, so I feel very strongly about keeping it. And I want my children to have my name as much as they have my partner's name.
Like you are thinking, DP's name will come second so they might end up using it solely (it's also nicer haha) but I will be happy my name is on the birth certificate :)

Firsname Mumssurname Dadssurname is quite acceptable.
Camilla Parker Bowles and Helena Bonham Carter are two examples of two surname surnames.

I wouldn't double barrell.

First not Firs.

Sounds fine to me. All I’d say is that DH only gets to make up his mind in terms of his name I.e. whether he wants his added on or not.

NOT whether yours is in there.

AND your surname WILL be the babys name at birth. His is optional because when the baby is born, it’s hospital records and ID bracelets will be created with Baby LuciferSam on.

If you were then to go with only DH mane you’d have to change the medical info after you've registered the birth.

Why ever not? It’s fairly common (maybe it’s a scottish thing) for kids to have their mums maiden name as their middle name (or on my brothers case, first name - but it worked as it could be either).

We did exactly that. Left it so she can use my husband’s surname as a stand-alone if it makes life easier, but means my name is still there too

Obviously YANBU

We did it - no hyphen.

we did

Thanks for your responses all - I feel a lot better now and it seems a lot more common to do this than I'd originally thought - the main reason I was asking because I think I am the only person I know who didn't change their name on getting married and I definitely don't know anybody personally who has two surnames (without a hyphen). In terms of the circle I'm in, I definitely thought I was being "out there" and wondering if it would cause confusion for the child, but you've made me see this is not so! :-)

Indeed, in my culture in India it was common for the husband to also change his wife's first name on marriage (and she would take his first name as her middle name)...I believe this happens to a lesser extent these days but it happened with my parents and everyone before. So you might see having autonomy over your own name is a fairly recent concept, which I'm sure added to the doubts I was having!

I double barrelled my name when I married and gave dc my 'maiden' surname as a middle name. My dc said that if she gets married and takes her dh's surname that she'll still have my name as a middle name. Hadn't thought of it like that.

I think it's a good idea, and the fairest option. I also prefer double surnames to not be hyphenated, as I think it looks better.

We did his name my name, with a hyphen, for similar reasons.