Middle name disagreement/family names

[Betsyboo87]

Expecting our first baby in June. We know it’s a boy and we decided on the first name together very quickly after finding out. DH wants to use his name as a middle name. Fits nicely with the first name so I’m happy with this. Baby will also take DH surname, I kept my own when we married but I’m ok with this. All sorted...

DH has now decided that he wants to add his late grandfathers name as an additional middle name. I don’t feel a second middle name is necessary and it doesn’t really go with the others. It would also mean that DS would have three names from DH and none from my side. I wasn’t bothered about using my family names but now it doesn’t feel right. We’re unlikely to have a second child so it’s not like we can “even it out” next time. I’ve considered asking him to choose one or the other but I much prefer DH’s name.

I can’t decide if AIBU? Am I being disrespectful to his feelings re his grandfather?

All names 'go' when you say them often enough. Having said that I'd be using my surname if I was in your position.

You’re not being unreasonable

He’s being very selfish and this has actually raised my blood pressure reading this. 3 names?? Unbelievable. Tell him to pick a middle name, either his or his grandfathers. Tell him you don’t want both. (I don’t think it matters if names “go” or not, middle names are an irrelevance to me but can be important if the child wanted to change their name)

I actually find it really odd when parents want to use their own names as middle names of their own kids. Just sounds like an ego trip to me. But each to their own and id never actually say that to anyone’s face, particularly as my own children’s middle names are a bit unusual so they’d probably tell me to take a look in the mirror. But I’ve got 2 close family members who choose to go by their middle names. You’re taking that option away really as no child is likely to want to be called the same name as their dad.

I'd give him the additional middle name but use your surname. You're the one carrying and birthing the baby - he should definitely have your surname!

I agree that sounds too one sided. If DH couldn't choose between his name/grandfather's name for the middle then the baby will have your surname. Good luck - I don't envy you.

He chooses his name or grandpa's name. You get to choose the second middle name. I'd suggest your surname.

I think you need to get a name of your own in there, perhaps your surname as a middle name.

Thanks all for your responses. I was worried that I’m being insensitive re late grandfather. I’m not into naming babies after anyone so I thought maybe I just didn’t get it.

I’m going to stand my ground on this one and say he has to choose one way or the other. Those that have said any name will go are probably right, i think i was just looking for more justification. I did suggest my surname as the compromise but we live abroad and my surname is a bit of a headache here. I think I’d be shooting myself in the foot.

Oh that would make me furious!

Why does he want his name as the middle? Is it a family name so honouring his dad, grandfather etc etc or is it actually just .. after himself? Because honestly I do find that weird.

Our name choices were completely a joint decision, no one saying they want x name in there and that’s final.

I’d tell him he can either have his own name or his Grandfather’s but not both. Using his own name is frankly weird.

I agree with everyone else.

It doesn't have to be absolutely perfectly "fair" insofar as you're happy using his last name and to let him choose the middle name. But it does feel very one sided.

I hope you at least get to pick the first name !

I'd use the grandfather's name as the middle name instead of his. I think naming your child after yourself is bizarre.