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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

What do you do if you just can't agree?

18 replies

Flappergirl86 · 29/08/2019 14:00

My partner and I are expecting our second child. We didnt struggle to name our first as we both liked the same name by a stroke of luck (it wouldn't be my first choice but it was on my list).
This time around there isnt a single name we agree on -i think his suggested names (there are only 2) are really, really ugly. I dont just not like them, I actively dislike them. He feels the same about all my suggested names (I've got a fair few). We are both very stubborn. We cant be the first couple in this position -anyone else been in the same boat and came to an agreement of some kind??
Help! X

OP posts:

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Cbeebiesrehab · 29/08/2019 14:20

Keep looking! Both write a list of 10 names you could live with, see if there are any crossovers. Use the named together app. Think of any names with a compromise-such as one of you like a diminutive that could be used. You’ll get there eventually? Do you agree on a particular style? Maybe we could help with some ideas you haven’t thought of.

ilovemykids5 · 29/08/2019 15:19

@Flappergirl86

Exactly the same with me and hubby right now but he is expecting me to make a list and he will choose of it but every suggestion he doesn't like. Feel like I'm not bonding with the baby properly because of it.

Clarabellawilliamson · 29/08/2019 15:24

Have you used any of those apps that you both download and it throws LOADS of names and you and you swipe left or right and it tells you if you have a match? (There's one called BabyName I think) some of the names are very American and 'our there' but it was interesting seeing if we had any matches- I can't remember now if we actually chose a name from it now though?

whattodowith · 29/08/2019 16:54

You just have to keep looking until you find one you do agree on. Obviously the baby will have to be named at some point so you will eventually agree!

Original poster

Flappergirl86 · 29/08/2019 17:27

I had no idea that the tinder style name app existed, that's a great idea. I like names that are less popular and maybe a bit old manish (Think Vincent/Ray/Sidney/Frank/Rudy/Jude/Byron) and Welsh names (Bryn/Gruff/Evan/Ivor/Dylan).

He has suggested Eli or Ethan. To me those names ring a bit of Hillbilly.

OP posts:

ilovemykids5 · 29/08/2019 18:31

I dont like having to scroll through loads of names. If I have my heart set on a certain few names.

bridgetreilly · 29/08/2019 18:37

ilovemykids, but you aren't the only person who gets a say, so it doesn't matter what your heart is set on. Both parents have to choose the name. You don't have to use the app, but you do have to agree.

BendingSpoons · 29/08/2019 18:38

Ethan sounds pretty similar to Evan and Dylan to me. Could you find something with a similar sound?

SallyWD · 29/08/2019 18:41

We just had to compromise and went with a name that was nice enough. Neither of us were mad about it but now that name has "become" my DS so obviously we feel differently about it now and grew to love it.

BammBamm · 29/08/2019 20:19

Yes exactly that situation with DS. We were more on the same page with DD but finding a name for DS was a challenge. I preferred older, more traditional names and DP didn't. He also wanted to give NNs as a name which I couldn't compromise on. We had numerous baby name books, apps etc. In the end, I compromised a lot and him a little to find a name we could both tolerate.
It's grown on me but I regretted not fighting more for a long time. I've since found a song with his name that I love which definitely helped!

skankingpiglet · 29/08/2019 20:24

We had this problem with DC2. The name we eventually compromised with was on my 4th shortlist (10-odd names on each list). As a result it's a name I like but don't love, and DH feels the same about it. A few years in and I'm not sure it's the best fit for them either, but DC will hopefully grow into it. DC definitely feels ownership over their name though, so it's fine on that front. The whole process was incredibly frustrating as DH was vetoing names with no particular reason (eg I went to school with one, they were awful/ex's name etc), just 'because'. I would tell DH to go and create his own short list, but it was never forthcoming.
He used to like telling people that I'd chosen the name as he got to choose DC1's name (he suggested it and I loved it, but it was very much chosen together!). What a load of bollocks! If I had chosen it, it would have been one from the top of list #1! He no longer makes that claim after some very sharp words on the subject.

Keep making lists OP. Hopefully you'll find something soon you can both live with, even if it isn't something you love.

NeverMindTheBuzzards · 29/08/2019 20:34

Both of my DSs were named after they were born. Kept throwing names at each other until something worked! Neither have a name we discussed during pregnancy, as neither suited any of those names (and we didn't really have anything solidly agreed anyway)

We both adore DS1's name, and we both really like DS2's - and I'm sure he'll grow into it.

Sometimes I feel a pang of sadness for the names that never were (a few of your favourites are also mine!), especially as we're not planning any more children, but I'm happy enough with how it's worked out.

polkadotpixie · 29/08/2019 20:36

We downloaded a list of 1000 names into Excel. We both had a copy and deleted off all the names we didn't like then compared to see if there were any names we both liked

There were 2 so DS is named one of them! 😂

MikeUniformMike · 29/08/2019 20:53

Why not try the 'if I like DC1's name what else might I like?' question on here?

Or go for something that is not on your lists. Like Oliver or John.

Tigerwhocamefortea · 29/08/2019 20:54

We had the same problem. We tried the tinder style app and after hours on there still had no matches.

In the end I got to name both DC. After seeing my labour them both I think DH felt obliged to let me have my way!

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 29/08/2019 22:42

Luckily dh and I both like “classical” names. But even so we had real trouble with ds. If I’m honest I like his name but I don’t love it. It is very much a “perfectly pleasant” name.

I know a couple where she liked names like River and he liked names like George. That was interesting.... They ended up with a “modern but not trendy” name that neither of them particular liked but neither of them hated....

EdgarAllenSloe · 31/08/2019 11:08

We had this issue! Massively struggled for a girl's name we both liked for DD1 - she doesn't have a middle name because we literally couldn't think of a second one we both liked. Of course, second child also a girl! In the end I downloaded the list of every girl's name registered in 2017 and we just kept going through it and going through it and going through it till we found one we could agree on. It took a while, and it's a name we both like rather one either of us loved - but it's grown on us both as we've used it. Can't imagine calling her anything else now!

I'd recommend downloading the list - you can Google it - and you both need to be prepared to compromise a bit.

Marty93 · 31/08/2019 12:04

OP, I hear you! Im in the same boat with my partner.

Our taste in names are the COMPLETE opposite! It's so frustrating. I don't think he realises how much it stresses me out and I think deep down the name of our son is much more important to me than it is to him.

I keep half-joking that our baby will just be unnamed for weeks because we are both so stubborn on what we do/don't like. I'm just hoping we find something that we both like. I refuse to "settle" on a name though!

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