Using nieces middle name

[Notrobusta]

Hi all. We are expecting a baby girl in January and have started to come up with a short list. Both us really like one particular name which happens to be one of our nieces middle names. (On my husbands side of the family) It also happens to be the name of my grandmother. My sister in law can be a little precious about certain things and we are wondering if we should ask her if she minds us using the name. My concern is that if we ask and she says that she does mind we will be in an awkward situation. It’s either that or use the name and risk her getting annoyed (possibly). Would you just go ahead and use the name or discuss it with them first ?

Just use the name. She can't claim it for her own, it's only used as a middle name and it's your grandmother's babe so a family link. Definitely don't ask.

Babe? Family name, I meant!

No one owns a name :) Just do it! Don't settle for second best in fear of upsetting your sil, you'll regret it if you don't x

Just announce she is named X after your beloved grandmother. If you ask for 'permission' you are acknowledging it may be an issue and give people the opportunity to be involved and bothered. Don't even entertain it.

I'd use us and tell everyone this is BabyX, named after my Grandma.

I did this. My niece (sister’s child) had my Gran’s name given as hers, and I used it too, eight years later. I didn’t ask permission as she was my Gran too! It was almost her first name in fact.

Thanks everyone. My instinct was to just go for it. After all if they liked the name so much they could have used if for her first name. It’s not a unique name and I’m sure most families have someone with the same name somewhere .

If someone in my family used my dd's middle name I wouldn't be made up about it. And I wouldn't expect anyone to ask permission. But I think maybe a heads up would be nice!

I would just tell them in the nicest way possible that you will be using that name for certain.

I would go for it. Our newborn nephew's name is the same as our three year olds middle name. No biggy. My ds is thrilled they have the same name! Its a new name to the family too so I think between the two families we have introduced it!

Nobody really knows a person’s middle name anyway. Middle names really aren’t a big deal, I wouldn’t hesitate in using it.

I’ve just had a daughter and my SIL has said that should they have a daughter later down the line, my daughters middle name is high on their list of favourite names. Firstly I actually think it’s a rather nice connection for the two cousins and I envisage generations in years to come looking at it on our family tree and seeing the trend. Secondly, my SIL never asked permission. She just said it as a matter of fact. Who knows if it will happen but I’ll take it as a compliment if it does. We clearly both have good taste

Yes, it would be nice to tell SIL in advance, but definitely don't ask for permission.

Is it a really unusual name? Or is it something like Elizabeth?

It's your grandmother's name so it has particular importance to you. I'd tell SIL that and I wouldn't ask permission, I'd just tell her I'm using it and why.

My SIL asked me and I was fine with it.

Don't ask, just do it. My SIL used my son's middle name for her son's first name. I was more flattered than anything.

I used my nieces middle name for DD2. There was no issue and now my niece and DD2 like sharing a name.

We had similar situation with my daughter and niece.
When my daughter was born we told sil and bil the name we were planning to use and said we hoped they didn't mind and they didn't. We told them out of courtesy so there wasn't any bad feeling but didn't really ask permission. I think and hope they felt honoured to have been told her name before anyone else.
If it's a name with family meaning to you, absolutely use it

My cousin did and I had no issue with it- had to explain to her that no the baby was not named after her, it was a family name and that was it.

I’ve had the reverse...my SIL took our baby girl (only 8 months at the time) name as the middle name for her second child. Not a family name or of any significance to them. And they didn’t give us the heads up! I was definitely upset about that as I felt it almost devalued our daughters name as a first name (and it was only our daughter and her two kids - boy and girl - on the scene, no more cousins). My SIL however has form for being selfish and attention seeking - I could write a book. BUT on your case I think it actually is lovely because if she loved it that much as a first name she’d have used it as such. So you are actually making more out of a name in a lovely if you get me? X

My friend was named James, because his mother's sister was desperate to have a boy and call it James. They both got pregnant at a similar time with boys, and the aunt would wax in about how she was super excited to call her son James. She's wanted this since she was a little girl etc.

Well my friend was born first (came early) and his mother called him James to spite her sister.

So it could be worse!

Just use the name, it's fine.

Go for it and don’t ask for permission.
She might make things tricky and tarnish the name for ye.

If it wasn't the grandmother's name I would certainly ask your SIL, but in this case I think you could just use it. It would be nice to tell her though first.

To be honest, if it is a generic name then I don't see the issue and I don't understand people who get upset if their kids name is used as a middle name for another child in the family. Different if it is a more unique name perhaps.

I would be flattered . No need ask permission