Am I being selfish?

[JE87]

My husband really likes a name for our first child (a boy) that I don't like one bit. He said can we use it as a middle name and has basically told me I'm being horrible for not allowing him to have this name as he's always loved it.

I can't stand the name and would be embarrassed to tell people that's my child's name.

Should I let him have it as the middle name despite my feelings towards it?

Also - I have never liked middle names in general, just don't see the point of them so don't really want one at all.

It started almost as a laugh and a joke but it's got to the point where we have argued over it now.

The name is Steele.

faster or ‘man of’

Tell your DH that you can't subject your child to a name that will cause him to be ridiculed. I know someone who's surname is Steele and he gets constant jokes about stealing.
Or you could say Steel as a middle name but Sheffield, Carbon or Stainless as a first name.

Buns of ... Abs of..., Thighs of...
Steel by name, steal by nature...
Tin man...

Just no.

Use it as a middle

For what it's worth, there was a Australian politician in the 70s and 80s called Steele Hall. For those saying "Steele isn't a name".

No. Both parents should agree and you've done 99.9% of the parenting thus far, so I can't see why he thinks he has more rights to name the child than you do.

I once knew a girl who had a double-barrelled first name with Steele. E.g. Rosie-Steele. I thought it was bizarre and awful at the time so no, YANBU. Veto that lunacy!

Is he a welder?

Ohh it’s terrible but I have read this out to dh and we have had a wee laugh.
Sorry. Please don’t allow this.

YANBU, but I'd use it as a middle name. Middle names are rarely used anyway, its a good compromise

Nah that’s not a proper name..!
It sounds weird.

I would use it as a middle name.

I would use it as a middle name on the basis I got to pick the first name.

I'd go with it as a middle name.

I'm trying to figure out whether everyone posting stuff like this didn't read the OP or is taking the piss. Just in case: The name is Steele. To clarify- he wants to call the child Steele.

I don't want to post anything too cruel because doubtless OP will be along with a drip feed about DH's severe head injury but @OP no, no you can't let him have that name.

For what it's worth, there was a Australian politician in the 70s and 80s called Steele Hall. For those saying "Steele isn't a name".

FFS if you are going to count Australians then you could claim anything is a name.

Tell your DH that you can't subject your child to a name that will cause him to be ridiculed.

Probably best never to let any of his friends meet DH for the same reason.

No, I don't think YABU at all, as it is a very niche name. I don't think I'd be comfortable using it.

Nobody gets to insist on a name. You both have to at least not hate all the names. Preferably you should both like the names. Even if they aren't your absolute favourites.

Personally, I would give your ds a middle name though. It gives him options later. I know a handful of people who started going by their middle names as adults. Just not Steele.

Lots of people are understating the utility of a middle name. I use dd's middle name pretty much daily. Whenever she's up to something cheeky, I call her by both in a singsong way. Like "Sally Ja-ane, what are you doing?" (her name is not Sally Jane). Or sometimes sternly if she's trying my patience a bit, often with the surname attached for good measure. Middle names are a lovely thing to have, and I know many people who go by their middle names rather than their first name.

It's a bit much to expect you to hate part of your child's name.

He needs to see this from your POV. Try suggesting a name that you know he'll hate, then tell him he's horrible for not allowing you to choose that name. You both have an equal say in this, and you BOTH need to love the name(s).

If he really loves it and he's flexible about everything else then why not have it as a middle name?

I think it's manipulative of him to call you "selfish" over this. Classic emotional blackmail. He says that to make you feel like you have to prove you're not selfish (by letting him get what he wants). That's a horrible thing to do to anyone, let alone your spouse. For that reason alone I'd stand my ground, OP.

I think neither partner has "the right to choose" but both have a right to veto names they can't stand. I'm sure he has vetoed names you like, OP. You're not selfish.

And by the way, maybe I'm cynical, but if he's the one to fill the birth certificate I'd check it over. Just to be on the safe side. I'm sorry but your partner sounds immature and manipulative.

Both parents should love their child’s first name. Keep looking until you find one you both love. He is being selfish not you

When my DH thought of a similarly ridiculous name, I refused. I used the ‘I’m giving birth not you; so I have twice as many votes’ argument. Steele sounds like something out of Mills and Boon or a bad porno. Absolutely no way would I let my child be called that.

Steele sounds like a pornstar name 😂

Does he give any reason other than he quite likes it

There were loads of names I loved and DH didn’t and vice versa, guess what? DS isn’t called any of them as that’s how adulting works.

My DH isn’t from the uk and had some questionable name choices none were as bad as Steele though...

Is he a superman fan?! You're fine to vito that. It's awful!!

Tell him he gets one vote for a name, you get one vote and your vagina gets a vote!!

He is being worse than selfish - I think he sounds manipulative and controlling. It is not a compromise to use a name you hate for your child, even in the middle. Is he this inconsiderate of your feelings in other ways too?
And I assume the child will have his surname? Then he is already having a disproportionately big influence on the child's name. He has no right to insist on the name. You need to find a way to make it clear that a name you hate is not even up for discussion.