Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Huge arguments over a boys name :(

46 replies

Julz58 · 24/04/2019 19:55

Hi everyone. Myself and my partner are finding it really difficult to find a boys name. It got the point the other evening that a full blown argument came out just because we cannot agree. Im in love with the names elliot and heath (after the late great heath ledger-one of my faves forever) but im also in love with the name evan. He wants Joshua, i have nothing against that name but it doesnt grab me like other names. Thing is i give him a whole list of names and try hard to find one, he wants Joshua and wont budge. He wont look for another name or anything. We havent found out the sex of our baby and have the girls name sorted. Do i keep looking or do i compromise on Joshua knowing its not my fave choice out of all the others? Thanks x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

IlonaRN · 25/04/2019 07:52

Are you Jewish?
To me, Joshua is a very Jewish name.
We avoided any names that were religious.
(It is a nice name, but not for us due to religious connotations)
Maybe get a book of names and go through them all? We found searching for the names' meanings helped us find ones we liked.

WhiteDust · 25/04/2019 07:58

TBH I can understand him not wanting to name his child after actors Heath L and his lookalike Elliot C. How would you feel if he wanted to name his daughter after his actress crush ?!!!

Drizzlehair · 25/04/2019 08:02

I agree loopytiles.
My reply was on the assumption that baby would definitely have the dad's name, because in the vast majority of cases the dad especially if a bit of a git like this one sounds to be insist on it, so it's good leverage to at least get the first name OP wants, or at least give her a way of thinking about it - he's winning one so not fair for him to insist on winning both names

Weenurse · 25/04/2019 08:03

We never did agree on a boys name, lucky we had 2 girls

Aquifolium · 25/04/2019 08:14

www.namedtogether.com

Aquifolium · 25/04/2019 08:22

Sometimes people get very stuck on the baby being named one of the names that they initially suggested. My ex partner and I both wrote lists. He didn’t like any of my choices. On retrospect, I realise he wanted me to agree with one of his choices.

This was fairly representative of his finding it hard to compromise.

Notice he is my ex now.

However my current partner only liked one name. I suggested so many others, and no. He, on the other hand, is quite able to compromise on other issues.

The point is, when the inability to compromise over a name reflects a wider inability to compromise, it it more difficult to accept. But when it’s more of a specific name thing, relax and you will work out something acceptable in the end.

It’s an easy thing to play power games over.

NameChange30 · 25/04/2019 08:26

It should be a joint decision but if you absolutely can't agree then the mother should get the final say. I can't stand men who bully their partners into using a name the man has chosen and the woman doesn't like.

I actually like the name Joshua but that's not the point. It should be on the shortlist along with the OP's favourites.

Let me guess, DC1 has his surname and you will give DC2 his surname too?

afterashowerr · 25/04/2019 08:50

You going with Joshua isn't a compromise though, it's dh getting his choice because he won't consider any others.

thisisalongdrive · 25/04/2019 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SinkGirl · 25/04/2019 09:40

Oh I shouldn’t have read this should I? 😂

We had about ten girls names we loved, and one boys name we were luke warm on. Then we found out we were having twins, then we found out it was twin boys, and both of them went off the one boys name we sort of liked.

It was so crap - we spent most of the pregnancy suggesting things that the other vetoed. We couldn’t come up with anything. At about 34 weeks we sat down with the biggest list of boys names we could find and whittled it down to names we didn’t hate. It felt like such a massive issue.

I had an emcs at 35+1 when twin 2 stopped moving. Both boys taken straight to nicu. All their early name bands (which kept falling off because they were so tiny) say Twin 1 and Twin 2.

After the shock had worn off a bit, we picked the two names we were happiest with - it definitely felt a lot less important than it had. The one who was smallest and sickest and spent two months in hospital is called Joshua, and his twin has a traditional, biblical name.

I can’t imagine Joshua having any other name now, even though I didn’t love the name at first - I just wanted him to have a name if something awful happened, I didn’t want him to be Twin 2 SinkGirl’s Surname forever.

I have lots of mum friends, lots have twins, so I know lots of small children with names - lots have what their parents thought were more unusual names, and I know at least two or three kids with each of those names (I never thought I’d know so many kids called Reuben!). I don’t know anyone else with my sons’ names.

Fundamentally I don’t care though. What matters to me that is my DH and I respected each other’s choices and would never have insisted on a name the other didn’t like. However, neither of us “loved” the names we used - they were both compromises and the best options at the time. I think this idea that there’ll be a magical name that you fall in love with and you “know” it’s the right one is nonsense for most people - reminds me of wedding dresses, and I never felt like I was supposed to about those either.

Much more important is that you both feel respected and involved. If you don’t, then say no.

GummyGoddess · 25/04/2019 09:43

We had a hard time naming both dc who are boys. Both times we've agreed shortly before labour began, with dc2 it was about 4 hours later!

If you don't love Joshua then it's off of the table. As he doesn't love your choices you can't have those either.

MikeUniformMike · 25/04/2019 10:49

My comment was due to the 'huge arguments' in the thread title and OP's 'won't budge' remark.
Joshua is popular but if OP isn't keen then she should at least have a say. The assumption on this thread is that the baby will have his father's surname, not the mother's.

Kedgeree · 25/04/2019 10:52

If the baby has his surname then it's game over I'm afraid. You get veto over first name.

ReginaPhalange89 · 25/04/2019 10:53

It's only fair that you both like the name , it's completely unfair of him to act that way the, it's both of your baby not just his.

I'd tell him he has to come up with more and you can wait and see what he looks like when he arrives .

For what it's worth I do love the name Joshua , I'd like it for my baby but I've a cousin Josh so I can't use it.

Flamingosnbears · 25/04/2019 11:00

You have to both agree and if you don't they should be off the table.
A few combinations of the names you like:
Evan Joshua
Joshua Elliot
Joshua Heath

NorthernRunner · 25/04/2019 15:34

I didn’t love my DDs name but my husband and I were falling out about it and it was causing stress so I just caved and said yes. It’s taken me 3.5yrs to like the name. I have cried over it, I have held resentment, it’s been the most awful experience.

I’m not expecting dc2 (a boy) we can’t agree so we just aren’t talking about it. I’m only 25 weeks anyway, but no way am I caving again.

NorthernRunner · 25/04/2019 15:35

*Should say I am now expecting dc2...

Original poster

Julz58 · 25/04/2019 16:33

Thankyou for all your input! Im.going to try and reply to most of the questions/remarks from you all. No, he did not back down when naming our first child, i mentioned it and he said yes he liked it quite early on in the pregnancy. He would have spoken up if he wasnt keen (trust me!)
Its been playing on my mind quite alot, there really is no hate for the name Joshua. I know a few children with that name and they are all lovely little ones but, like i mentioned before, it wasnt my first choice. You know when you hear a name and it just grabs you, this one doesnt unfortunately. Trust me i wish it would!! Ive spoken to him since posting (again!) and he said he will sit down with me and go through alternative names. Im more than happy to veto my names if hes not happy, never said i wouldnt! I also wouldnt give a monkeys butt if he named it after a celeb he had an eye for. Elliot was not chosen after a celeb (to whoever mentioned that one) i saw it on a list and liked it.

OP posts:

Esmereldapawpatrol · 25/04/2019 17:17

As another poster has said, chances are he will so in awe after you have given birth he would let you name the baby whatever you like (happened both times for me even after DH having a strong opinion on most names I liked, we did decide together in the end though). We didn't find out the sex of our babies until the birth and had a shortlist for both as we felt we wanted to see what they looked like first and it did change my mind from my favourite both times once I saw them! Maybe you could draw up a shortlist and then wait until baby arrives to make a final decision?

Original poster

Julz58 · 25/04/2019 17:23

Yep i think the idea of a shortlist will please us both until we see what ge or she looks like. Thanks for your reply!!

OP posts:

GummyGoddess · 26/04/2019 01:13

Remember you don't have to pick from the shortlist. My parents sat down with a baby name book, listed all the names they each liked and then vetoed from that list the names they hated. They were left with the name Tiffany which neither of them liked but also didn't hate. When I was born I did not look like a Tiffany and they had to start all over again!

Flip

1 2