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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

I want DC3's name to be MY choice..

21 replies

ThisAintAScene · 23/04/2019 08:33

Couldn't think of a properly straight to the point title so will explain better now!

Currently awaiting arrival of DC3 in September - sex of the baby to be discovered tomorrow.
DH and I have 2DS's, both of which DH named. With DS1, we approached the naming as 'if it's a girl, I'll name it, if it's a boy, he will' and that stuck. DS1's sex was discovered and we went along with the name that DH loved.. no problem.

DS2 was slightly more difficult with the naming process. I came up with a tonne of names I liked, but all of them were vetoed by DH. I was minutes away from being sliced open for my elective c section when I looked at DH and just agreed to go along with yet another name he liked as we simply couldn't agree on any of my choices.

I should point out, I do like my sons names. They're unusual and the older my kids are getting, the more their names are suiting them and I couldn't imagine them being called anything else, however, it does still bum me out a bit that I've not really helped with their names.

I've told DH that I really would like to be the one to name our third and final DC. But once again, the (very few) names I've got my heart set on, DH doesn't like.

I don't know what to do. I'd like at least one of my children to have a name that I've selected. Should I just put my foot down and say we're not budging on my selections, and he'll have to like it or lump it like I've had to do previously?

I ultimately don't want to name our child something that DH detests, but I also don't want to simply agree to go along with another one of DH's choices, especially as this will be our last baby and I will honestly feel sad knowing I've not named a single one of my children.

OP posts:

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MondeoFan · 23/04/2019 08:36

I think naming a baby is hard, and if it's a girl you should def choose it. If it's a boy then choose together but it should be more your choice than his (presuming you won't have any more)

MrsMozartMkII · 23/04/2019 08:37

You get to choose.

CherryPavlova · 23/04/2019 08:38

YOu should choose together as equal parents.

Lweji · 23/04/2019 08:39

Give him three names you like and he chooses from there.
Don't allow him any vetoes.
You'll be the one registering the baby and he's already picked two.
Is he usually this selfish? I hope not.

Propertywoes · 23/04/2019 08:39

You've got 6 weeks to name a baby. You don't have to decide just as you're being cut open.

moofolk · 23/04/2019 08:41

Completely reasonable. How about if he doesn't agree then don't name the baby until after it's born? I think that's pretty normal.

Badgering you to agree with him as you're being prepped for surgery is well out of order imo. I would have hoped theatre staff would have stepped in and told him to support you not bully you into a decision you don't want.

It's easy to feel out of control amidst the cascade of intervention that ends with an emergency section (I know from experience), and I definitely got to the point of 'ok whatever' with it, so being made to agree to a name you aren't mad on as well as a birth you didn't really want makes sense at the time but is also being taken advantage of when you are vulnerable.

He needs to suck it up and go along with what you want.

MrsKrabbapple · 23/04/2019 08:41

I was going to say the same as Property.

Original poster

ThisAintAScene · 23/04/2019 08:44

Sorry not sure it was clear in the original post.. but he didn't badger or pressure me whilst I was in theatre. One of the staff members simply asked if we had a name, I said we'd been struggling to decide before looking at my DH and just going 'shall we just go with (insert DS2's name here)' and that was that.

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 23/04/2019 08:44

Badgering you to agree with him as you're being prepped for surgery is well out of order imo

The OP doesn't actually say he badgered her.

SoupDragon · 23/04/2019 08:46

I think it's fair enough to give your DH a list of names to choose from, although I would insist he gives a reason for not liking them so you can then maybe come up with one that doesn't have that "problem" (whatever it is!)

JaretsGirlfren · 23/04/2019 08:48

Put your foot down and name the baby whatever you like.

RussellSprout · 23/04/2019 08:51

We had a rule that if we didn't both like it, it didn't make the shortlist.

Think it's selfish for one parent to insist on a name the other doesn't like.

Flamingosnbears · 23/04/2019 08:55

Both choose together not one over the other just talk about how your feeling.

archivearmadillo · 23/04/2019 08:58

Is he my way or the highway with with everything, or only naming babies?

I find it extremely weird to have an unnamed 2,3,4,5 week old baby, it is so very odd to be nameless for so long. I totally understand not wanting your baby to be unnamed for weeks after birth.

Original poster

ThisAintAScene · 23/04/2019 09:05

I agree with you archive. While some may be okay with not having a name decided weeks after the birth of their baby, I'm definitely someone that would 100% rather have a name before my child arrives. I know that it doesn't 'have' to be picked out, but I too couldn't deal with having a nameless baby, I think it would make me rush even more so to find a name!

He's not controlling at all, we do have a very 50/50 marriage, I guess I'm just the more likely one to back down and go 'okay, we'll go with your choice' sort of thing.

I like the idea of giving him a list of names that I've picked, and telling him we're to go through that list together and only that list.

OP posts:

Catsrus · 23/04/2019 09:07

We agreed either of us could veto. We were lucky, we agreed girls names really easily - and had girls. We only ever agreed one boys name. We also agreed girls would have my lastname, boys his. Yes we were married. It really does have to be negotiated. I think the idea of giving him a list you like and asking him to choose from that is a good one, or have an agreed list and then wait and see which one you think fits?

Our first dd has a longish, traditional, name with lots of possibly nicknames and we'd chosen a cute one - it never stuck, it wasn't her, so we used the full name until she chose her own nickname once she was at school. If you choose a long name then you can both use different nicknames if he wants? My dad used a nickname for me that my mother never did. Even now it feels like a special thing to be called that - reserved for special people.

Ipanema01 · 23/04/2019 09:25

You get to choose this time!

Lweji · 23/04/2019 12:18

He's not controlling at all, we do have a very 50/50 marriage, I guess I'm just the more likely one to back down and go 'okay, we'll go with your choice' sort of thing.

That's not really 50/50, is it? Do you "win" as much as he does? Or do you just happen to have the same opinion 50% of the time?

TigerQuoll · 23/04/2019 12:20

"If you choose a long name then you can both use different nicknames if he wants?"

Great idea

NorthEndGal · 23/04/2019 12:25

But what about the DC, how will they feel growing up knowing that their dad doesn't like their name?
You said both previous names were ones your DH picked, or wanted, but they were also ones you liked at least, even if they were not ones you'd have picked.
It's different to actually go with a name one of you really doesn't like.
There are thousands of names, can you find one you like that he would too?

ParisWilton · 23/04/2019 14:44

Presumably if the baby is a girl you can decide given he got to choose with ds1 being a boy? If you have another ds I think you'll just need to keep saying no to his suggestions unless he comes up with one you genuinely like, that's what he's been doing to you hasn't he?

I sympathise. I like my dd's names but they don't have the names I wish they'd had. DP didn't choose their names as such (I suggested them) but it does make me a little sad that I didn't fight for the names I loved a little more.

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