Mixed background surnames

[milkyteaway]

I can’t be the only one that tries to see how your chosen baby names would sound paired up with your current partner.

I am not pregnant nor expecting. DP has one surname, I come from a different cultural background which means I have two surnames (not hyphenated).

What would you think is best in the event of having a child together?

1. Give baby the father’s surname only
2. Give baby my first surname as middle name and my partner’s surname
3. Hyphenate our surnames (Not a big fan of this in general)
4. Give partner’s surname and my first surname (Would this turn into a nightmare when filling out forms in a country of only one surname traditions?)

I would like to point out our surnames don’t sound particularly nice together as they have completely different origins.

Any other thoughts on this or people that have been through the same? I would really like to pass on my first surname as it is very unique and my father is the only male in his family as he only has sisters.

Yes I know I’m way ahead of myself but I hope I’m not the only one thinking of this

I'm in a reversed position, and expecting soon.

As we intend to raise the child here (UK), I want to choose a (fairly) common place first name that could be used in either culture... and keep one part of his surname, so that the (non-resident) country/culture can be clear in the name.

Now it's just deciding which which half to use! ... Both together just don't fit on official forms!

Option 5. Give the baby your surname?

None of the above.

As you are not married - give the DC your name. It's both practical and traditional.

Especially as you like it and that's what it sounds like you want to do.

springlake Are you using your or your partner’s surname? Are they both foreign sounding?

GaraMedouar I haven’t discussed this with him but I’m wondering if he’d be offended by me just ignoring his surname

@milkyteaway when DH & I had our first he wasn't bothered if we used his surname, heck he was even willing to take my name when we got married!! But I took his and gave our DC his. Just depends on what YOU and HIM want and what sounds best with the name you choose xx

Dh has 5 surnames, it's a cultural thing. When we married I took his last surname. Our children have names which work in both of our cultures and go well with the surname.

If we were not married any children would have my surname.

OP he can be offended but if he would like his lastname to be your child's he should marry you as he does not have automatic parental responsibility in the UK as he's not the one who gave birth. The soonest he can get parental responsibility is when he comes with you to register the birth which is why you only get to choose all child's names.

Btw by child's lastname is hyphenated. My lastname is foreign but European, short and rare. My partner's is British, short and very common. Due to his name being common and the problems very common lastnames have caused people I know I decided to hypenate it. We could have gone the way of one of my married friends' and just given our child the mother's lastname.

DH and I have different cultural backgrounds in that my dad is from somewhere very different to him!

We got married; I kept my name, but the DC have his. They do not seem unduly confused by this, and I like to think it makes them more aware that Mummy has her own ancestry/history that is distinct to Daddy's than they perhaps would if I'd just adopted his name.

In your situation I'd pass on one of your surnames and your partner's surname (as a courtesy, since you're not married). It could also be his surname as a middle name and yours as the 'proper' one.

Fun historical fact: Isambard Kingdom Brunel was the son of Marc Brunel and.... Sophia Kingdom that pleased me greatly!

I changed my name to DH’s name when we got married - it’s common in is home country but doesn’t sound particulary out of place in the U.K. either - easy to spell and pronounce for English people.
I did initially want to include my very Eastern European maiden name into our children’s names, but decided against it in the end - just way too many letters, their names would never fit into boxes on forms, and English people struggle to both spell and pronounce it So they just have DH’s surname.

Would you consider the scenario to be different if we were married?

I wouldn’t take his surname as I could never give up on any of my names. I wouldn’t mind DC having his but I’m wondering if I’d ever regret them not having that direct connection to my background via their name

milky that bothered me at first to - that they have an obvious, in your face connection to their dad’s country through their surname, and not mine. But now they are a little older isn’t doesn’t bother me, because they’ve been immersed in my culture just as much as DH’s from birth - the youngest actually speaks my family’s native language better than he can speak DH’s language, and sometimes blatantly refuses to speak English, preferring my language. They are being raised multi-lingual, as my parents don’t speak English at home unless my DH is there, so it’s great for the DCs to be able to speak to their grandparents easily. They’ve visited my parents native country lots of times whereas they’ve only been to dH’s country once.
There are so many other ways to immerse them in your culture

Agree with @GaraMedouar. Why have you got two different options to give baby the fathers surname and you’ve not presented any option to give your surname? It sounds like you are attached to your first surname so I would definitely use that, or double barrell it with your partner’s surname. It’s a personal choice but I wouldn’t want my baby having a different surname to me!