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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Opinionated mum and sister.

35 replies

JUSTLOOKING20 · 11/04/2019 13:43

Have you come up against problems when suggesting baby names with your family?
My mum and sis are very opinionated /verbal when it comes to baby names
They like old fashioned, frankly frumpy and dull names and amazing. My partner and I like modern names or names they think are tasteless and common.
They are snobs but I'm finding it really difficult to let it go and choose a name we like.
What can I do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Lokidokiartichoki · 11/04/2019 13:45

Keep your mouth shut about what name you’re choosing!

Tell them it’s going to be Gertrude or Wilbur and let them froth until you announce the real name.

Original poster

JUSTLOOKING20 · 11/04/2019 13:46

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 11/04/2019 13:47

Just don't discuss names with your family. At all. They are unlikely to say anything when you announce the name after the birth. Or you could have some fun with them & tell them you are going to call the baby some preposterous, outlandish name that they will really hate. Which will have the effect of making whatever you choose come as a relief to them.

Wolfiefan · 11/04/2019 13:48

Don’t discuss it with them.
But FFS don’t choose something youneeq that your poor kid has to live with.

DramaAlpaca · 11/04/2019 13:48

Haha, cross post there

Lokidokiartichoki · 11/04/2019 13:51

But FFS don’t choose something youneeq that your poor kid has to live with

Fuck sake.

OP choose what the hell you like

Wolfiefan · 11/04/2019 13:53

Choosing a baby name without thinking of the person who actually has to live with it is really crap. I couldn’t care less what strangers or family care about the name compared to how my child will feel about it. Isn’t that what a parent should prioritise?

HelenUrth · 11/04/2019 14:00

When you think about your own name, who do you think should have mattered most in the choice of it

You
Your parents
Your grandparents and/or aunts and uncles

Name your baby for the right reasons, and let people know after baby has arrived, and tell them it is not open for discussion, the decision has been made.

By the sound of things you need to lay some boundaries now or your mum and sister will be deciding where is the best nursery or school that they think baby should attend.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 11/04/2019 14:02

No, because I was never daft enough to discuss potential names with anyone except DH!

ReginaPhalange89 · 11/04/2019 14:06

Definitely just don't discuss names with them

My last pregnancy, my OH mentioned a name I loved to his family . They hated it ! I already had my heart set on it but just didn't say anything. It upset me a while later when they asked about names , I said we hadn't decided and they said "I hope it isn't xxx " and it was 🙈 I didn't let them put me off though , we just told them we hadn't decided , and announced it once she was here. I'm so glad I didn't change my mind on it. I'd have regretted giving her another name . You can't please everyone .

Original poster

JUSTLOOKING20 · 11/04/2019 14:20

FFS don’t choose something youneeq that your poor kid has to live with

Think the point of the post has well and truly been missed.

I suppose my question is has anyone had personal experience of this situation?

OP posts:

flumpybear · 11/04/2019 14:23

Don't tell them til you e names your baby. I had a similar problem with my mum, she rang me regularly with a raft of names, and I kept telling her we think we've chosen but aren't telling anyone til she's born as we're unsure. When she was born my mum phoned the hospital (lived in a different country) and said am I ALLOWED to know the name now ... so I told her and she said 'what!! No, what about Isabelle, or Meredith ... she hated our name choice! Tried to get my family on 'her side' - it was awful for months, tried getting me to change her middle name too as she didn't like any of her names (I'd given one middle name after my mum) and I honestly thought she may try to change it behind my back!!

When DS was born again 'what's his name' and we told her and she said oh that one is ok ... ridiculous!! It never really resolved itself before she died

Original poster

JUSTLOOKING20 · 11/04/2019 14:24

WeepingWillowWeepingWino

I haven't been daft to discuss it. My mum has already given me her opinion ie urgh you won't name the baby that or this name blah blah

My sis likes the name clementine. I hate it but I just smiled because I thought that's your taste.
It's just my sis and mum are so unforgiving and bit blinkered.

The irony is i wasn't named for 6 weeks because of an on going baby name fight between my mum and her Mil.

OP posts:

Original poster

JUSTLOOKING20 · 11/04/2019 14:38

flumpybear
I can see the exact same thing happening with us and my mum.
She doesn't mean it but can be very overbearing... But means well. Unfortunately my sister is ten times worse.

Luckily my partner and I have similar ideas and taste
We like Sienna (probably won't use it because it's quite popular) but my mum would give me so much grief because it's not seen as a traditional name.
Ironically my name was non traditional.

OP posts:

Jessabean · 11/04/2019 17:21

We decided to not tell family the name we have chosen for this reason despite their constant persistence to find out and guessing/opinions on names. Is tricky with family at times and you can't stop them either telling you they don't like the name when she is born or talking about names at you before then unfortunately e.g just please tell me it's not x or something like x and if that happens to be the name you've chosen or something similar is going to obviously be upsetting. Important thing is to stay firm to YOUR decisions for YOUR baby. Just say that's their taste you've already made up your mind & they'll find out soon enough when the baby is here & when she is if they have a problem with it that's their problem and they can like it or lump it. Some parents/grandparents seem to weirdly emotionally invest in this kind of thing as well and think that gives them a right to dictate things e.g. oh I'd always imagined I'd have a granddaughter called x. Similar to weddings and imagining how they'd imagined how their little daughter or son's day should be. But at the end of the day they need to accept that this isn't their child, your an independent adult and have the right to make your own choices.

Sienna is a beautiful name btw and I'm sure whatever you choose will be too. Unfortunately we can't always pick our family as easily as our babies names!

DinoMamasaurus · 11/04/2019 17:33

I’d really try not worry about what they will think and try not to get sucked into name discussions with them. The rules are 100% - if you want to name a baby, have one.

In my experience announcing the name after baby is here helps avoid people giving unwanted critiquing of a name. Also even if on paper a name isn’t their cup of tea it’s SO different when that name belongs to a gorgeous little person and it’s their name. You choose a name you love for your baby. Congratulations!

Original poster

JUSTLOOKING20 · 11/04/2019 19:19

Thanks for all the wise words. Has made me feel much better

OP posts:

flumpybear · 11/04/2019 22:12

Sienna is lovely!

whitehalleve · 11/04/2019 22:24

Never suggest names!!!!

Only tell them once you have decide and make it clear you're not interested in anyone else's opinion.

OopsOhNoZHM · 11/04/2019 23:17

With my sons, we announced their names as soon as we knew we were having boys. We got stick for my eldest’s name because of the spelling - it’s not even an unusual spelling - and with our second, who we gave an old fashioned but rarely heard of name, people either loved it or hated it. With my daughter, I told nobody until she was born. I don’t have family so thankfully don’t have to deal with this from them but there will always be people that try to put you off your name choice. And that’s just it, it’s your’s and your partner’s choice and nobody else’s opinion matters.

PlatypusLeague · 12/04/2019 03:20

Your mum has had her turn when she chose your name. Now it's your turn! Sienna is a lovely name.

Original poster

JUSTLOOKING20 · 12/04/2019 11:07

Thanks everyone! Taste is so personal... Grayson Perry did a great book and TV doc about taste. No one has better taste.
I don't understand why my mum/sister think it's OK to be so judgemental.
But great advice to only announce name post birth.

OP posts:

PBobs · 13/04/2019 03:14

Oh crumbs. Don't talk about it or share thoughts for sure. I love my mum and she's pretty chill but even she had an opinion on baby names - and that was just the surname choice.

Cookit · 13/04/2019 08:15

No because I’ve never discussed names with my parents / siblings or extended family.

Just stop all conversation about it. If they ask say you’re still thinking and move on.

ReginaGeorgeous · 13/04/2019 10:10

I feel you OP. I'm 39 weeks and I'm fed up with being asked if I've thought of a name.

When I had my first, my FIL asked me about names and I said I would most likely name her Freya. He pulled a disgusted face and said "urgh, I don't like that". No idea why people think it's acceptable to be so rude. I named her Freya anyway and she so suits her name. This time we have told FIL that we'll be naming our son Nile-Cruise

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