Middle name debate!

[amyem]

Hi,

So I'm really struggling with middle names and my husband and I can't agree

I've always thought a middle name is either meaningful or just another name that you like that goes nicely with the first name - my sister and I both have middle names that don't particularly come from anywhere else in the family. Whereas my husband says middle names should always be meaningful - he and his brother both have one of their grandads names as their middle name.

The issue we're having is that we don't know if we have a boy or a girl - we chose not to find out - but with a boy the first name we've chosen begins with H and our surname begins with M. My husband said we should use Andrew for the middle name as his dad and mine are both called Andrew, however that would make the initials for the baby HAM! We've tried thinking of alternative names within the family but all of the nice names begin with either H, A or M so it would always be ham or some variant of it!

To me it just doesn't seem right! Does this matter or am I totally overthinking it?

We're struggling with girls names generally and also none of the women's names in our families really work for us - they're quite old fashioned (but not in a good way!!) so we don't have any 'meaningful' ones for a girl. My husband says just don't bother with a middle name then but it just seems odd not to, purely because everyone in my family has one.

Are you having a middle name? Does anyone else have this battle over what a middle name 'should be'!?

We were always gonna have a middle name! I don't think I left no as an option. Mine and my siblings all have middles names my parents just liked and my OH has his grandfather's name. I think it's nice and we did consider a family name but I didn't like leaving my Mum out of it so we just didn't bother in the end. I think it's kinda mean sometimes that people only get 'honoured' because their name sounds nice with the chosen first name. Kinda sly on the rest of the family who's name didn't make the cut. But that's just my imo.

Also a lot of kids hate their middle names because they're family names rather than something that goes well. And I think it's nice to give a kid a chance at a full name that they'll love!

We just decided to use both grandfather's names. They will appreciate it, it saves time, keeps the cross country link and middle names don't matter (to us).

That's the problem isn't it trying to 'choose' a family member in terms of grandparents on the male side they are all H A or M!

I think I'll have to try and talk him round to just a nice name that we like, otherwise it looks like we may not be bothering either!

Thanks for the advice, like you say I guess middle names don't matter to us at all, I think most people probably hate theirs too!

I mean. It's really not that bad if the initials are HAM.

My dh doesn’t have a middle name and his sister does. He was adamant that our children have middle names.

Ds has fil middle name as his middle name as it worked nicely. We saved a second family name (from my side) incase we had a second son. Dd has 2 family names hyphenated as her middle name as I wanted one from my side and I felt it would mean a lot to dh that his late mother’s name was included so I suggested it as it flowed well. Dh suggested that we hyphenated it so she has one middle name and therefore the same as her brother. I agreed because he was affected by the no middle name and sister has one whereas my brother and I both have 1.

I wouldn’t of used family names if I didn’t like them/they didn’t go with our choice of names.

HAM is a little silly, but could be worse!

Options:

Reverse the names, so Andrew H, known as H.

Two middle names, e.g. HAHM or HABM or whatever.

"Meaningful" doesn't have to be the first name of someone in the family. Could be your last/maiden name, or another family name. Or an author or character or historical person you both admire. Or something to do with a place you love. Or your favourite flower. "Meaning" can be all sorts!

No one will ever pick up on the Ham thing. If it really bothers you, add a second middle name.

We're struggling to pick a first name as it is so we're not giving DD2 a middle name

That's a lot for the help everyone

I guess maybe it doesn't matter and it would only matter if it was written down, I just didn't want to start off with something that could potentially get them picked on for at school etc but maybe I am just way overthinking it

Good idea to add a second name in there though thanks for that I'll definitely give it some thought

Kind of hoping it is a boy really as at least we have some idea of names - if it's a girl we're completely stuck! Can't even find a first name that we both really like!

Thanks everyone xx

Can you add DP's name in, too? H A (dad's initial) M?

My friend in school had HEW for her initials and she was forever known as Hugh.

I think middle names should be meaningful personally. But it's totally down to individual choice. My kids middle names are after my grandmother, dhs mother and my best friend. They weren't picked because they had the nicest names of our family and friends but because of what those people mean to us.

Could you add a second middle name to avoid HAM? So H- Andrew John M-?

If you really want a middle name for a girl, perhaps take it from something that's meaningful to you both? An abstract noun, or a place name, or a fictional character you like? Maybe something to do with what you wish for her future/the qualities you hope she'll have.

HAM wouldn't be that bad. They'd probably just he first and last name initials anyway ?

Also, you don't NEED a middle name , so if you're struggling to find a female family name that you like /would use , why not just leave it? I don't have a middle name, neither does my OH or our 2 kids, and this baby won't either! I personally don't see the need , especially if you don't love the name

For me a middle name is meaningful - both of mine have middle names, but only because there was a Grandparent on my side and DHs side that we wanted to remember. And also my Grandpas middle name (which we used) was my Maiden name, so it felt right using it.
If these hadn't meant something we'd have probably gone without.
I don't have one and neither does my Dad, so I would have been fine skipping one if it wasn't for the above reason.