Dilemma

[Frazzlerock]

This is really early days to be thinking about baby names. I've only just got my BFP and after two MC's I'm playing quite a dangerous game thinking about names, but I can't help feeling excited.

When I was pregnant with our first little lost one 2.5 years ago (MMC). I had a list of names. We named her the top name on the list.
However, the second name I absolutely love too and had hoped to use it for a future child.
I've not divulged my list to anyone. Not even DP. Now I'm pregnant again and would love love love to use this name. It's fairly unusual but pretty.
The dilemma is DP's sibling had a baby last week and has chosen this very name! 
Obviously it is a complete coincidence but I'm desperate to use it if we have a little girl one day.
I'm so happy for DP's sibling but I feel gutted about the name.
Would it be terrible to use the same name should our baby survive this pregnancy and if they are a girl?
Or is that ridiculous?

I know, I know. It is JUST a name. But I love it so much. Maybe we'll have a boy so that decision is taken care of... and of course DP would have to agree to it too. But uugghh.

PS. I know this is the least of my problems as I've so many hurdles to get through yet

You can't have cousins with the same first name! You could use it as a middle name. My parents used a name my auntie wanted but I was born first so I have a cousin with my name as a middle name.

Unless...you don't have any relationship with them.
Also congratulations ✨✨✨

Me and my cousin have the same name, we were not close growing up though she lived in Ireland I live in the UK so it wasn't an issue, I think it depends how close you will be

I was worried you wanted to call your DC Dilemma! (Pleases your not )

Congratulations!

My cousin and I have very similar names with just a different first letter. We're now in our 30s and everyone in the family is still exasperated by it. For purely practical reasons. My nan once hung up on me because she wanted to speak to me but thought I'd said I was my cousins when she answered. She called me back a minute later laughing that she'd just called my cousin by mistake... People have been known to go to the wrong person's house because they've misheard the plan. And don't get me started on how annoying it is for my cousin and me.

Sorry, I know that's not what you wanted to hear. We're a very close family though. If you don't talk to your in laws, rock on.

No, you're right, I'd be mad to use it.

I do feel irrationally sad about it though.

Just really crappy coincidence that she's used it.
Time to get over myself I guess!
Though I might take the advice of using it as a middle name if we get to that point.

Ha! Yes it doesn't look like I'm looking for opinions on 'Dilemma' 😂

I think it's OK for cousins to have the same name. It's fine.

I think it's absolutely fine as long as you have the conversation with them that it's always been top of your list and you hope you're not stepping on anyone's toes. In many countries, they are far less creative with names and there is a much smaller pot to choose from. Where I live, it wouldn'g be odd for cousins to have the same name, or some variation of the same name once you take into account any compounds.

Maybe you could spell it Dilema instead so it's not exactly the same as her cousin's

I've got a similar dilemma but the cousin is called a short version of the name I like so they're called Becca and I wanted Rebecca type thing. I made my decision on a few factors so they don't live in our immediate area so won't go to any schools together, we rarely see each other and they have different surnames. I think you need to consider those factors and it depends what the name is also, if it's common it's probably easier to get away with.

I am very much of the opinion that no one owns a name, and if it was anyone else I'd say use it. But I agree, you can't really have cousins with the same name. You will find another name that you love, and you'll. prefer the name of your own child in the end!

I say people do own a name, you need to use another.

Unless you really don’t care what the family thinks.

Ah what a shame. I honestly don't think you can use it sorry. Hopefully you'll find something as lovely. Best of luck with your pregnancy.

I’ve said this before in these type of threads, but I have three sets of cousins/cousins once with the same names. Yes, my GPs had 3 sets of grandchildren/nephews called (eg) Peter and Paul.

Why can't you have cousins with the same name? We had 2 Jeans and 2 Lynnes but one of each lived in London, the other in South Wales.

For me I wouldn't use it. My nieces and nephews are really close to us and I would worry it would become their Louise and our Louise (for example) and to me that divisive we are all one family.

If you aren't close it might not matter as much.

I think as long as you don't call your baby Dilemma (which was what i thought you seemed to be suggesting!) then all is well. People don't own names. If it's a really unusual name it might look a bit odd, but if it's Amelia/Lily/Emily/Isabelle etc I don't think anyone can reasonably object!

No, cousins shouldn't be given the same/similar names. My cousin "stole" my top name 4 months before I gave birth, yes I was annoyed but we thought some more and are very happy with her name

It depends how close you are to them, and also whether there are any nns... So if the name is francesca and you would call your dd Frankie and them call theirs Chesca I think it's OK.

I don't know, I feel like it's ok for cousins once removed to have the same name, just not first cousins although I suppose it depends how close you are to your brothers/sisters/in-laws. If it was any friend I wouldn't think twice about using the same baby name...

My DH shares his first name with his first cousin. Never been an issue. They were close as kids and played together often... when in each other’s company it was big x and little x. It worked for them. I would mention it to your DP siblings tho - to save any upset that may arise! Congratulations OP x