So DH and I have our boy name chosen but have been really struggling to agree on a girl's name. There are ones which we are both OK with but one or the other of us doesn't love. Last night DH suggested a name without realising that it was the female version of my ex's name. I actually really like it and so does he.
To explain the back story- I am from another country and was with someone who was very controlling and abusive. I left to get away from him and it's the best thing I've ever done. I didn't return home after leaving for a few years and eventually went back and ex and I just ignore each other and act as though we've never met each other before (it's a very small town so seeing each other around is unavoidable). DH and I returned to my hometown to get married which was really important for me as it made my home stop becoming the place where these horrible things happened or where my ex was and became a part of my DH and I's relationship instead. It almost felt like we were reclaiming it and what it means to us. Since then I genuinely couldn't care less about ex or what he does or thinks, he's a total non-issue and that's all behind me.
The female version of my ex's name is fairly common where we are from but they are very similar just with a different ending- it's like calling her Paola when his name was Paolo (although different names). I told DH that it was my ex's name and he said it didn't bother him as long as it didn't bother me. It doesn't as I've never associated the female name with him, I have a few friends with the name over there so it is more likely to make me think of them.
However my family and friends know how horrible my ex was and why I left so I don't want them to connect my daughter's name to my ex.
Would it be really weird to use this name? It's the first one we've both really liked (there is one that I prefer but DH isn't keen).