Choosing same name as extended family member?

[anon201807]

Trying to settle a debate between myself and DH.

Would it be unreasonable to name our daughter the same name as our SIL's grandmother?

For no sentimental reason and I never met the lady. It just so happens that I personally love the name and always have even before I even knew the GM's name. Sadly she passed away a few years ago. We aren't very close the S/BIL (DH's brother).

SIL & BIL are expecting a baby very soon and don't know the sex. Obviously they haven't mentioned any names to us at all and neither have we. If the baby is a girl and they choose the name we have in mind then obviously it's a non issue but what if the baby is a boy?

Would it be an issue if we named our daughter the name we like? DH seems to think I'm unreasonable but we have no reason to think they would be annoyed or are even thinking along the lines of that name? Our Daughter is due after in laws.

Most people I've spoken to don't see any issue? I mean I know I would defo not name my baby after my grandmothers as I feel their names are too old. I'm so confused!

Ps I'm not mentioning name as it's a bit outing!

Thanks x

If baby is a girl and they choose the name we have in mind then obviously it's a non issue but what if the baby is a boy?

I don't understand sorry. You're having a girl aren't you?

That sounds fine op, if they don’t use the name there is no reason why you shouldn’t. I wouldn’t avoid choosing my favourite name in case a relative may want to use it in the future!

Yes we are. What I meant is that S/BIL don't yet know the sex of their baby and obviously if it does so happen that they pick the same name we were thinking of for a girl then it doesn't matter and we have other names in mind. DH still seems to think that if they have a baby boy then the said name should be 'reserved' in the case that they have a baby girl at some point.

I don't know if he's just being over dramatic tbh..

Don't have the kind of relationship where I would ask them? He seems to think we should mention it to them before we name baby. I don't see any issue but maybe I'm wrong?

Don't have the kind of relationship where I would ask them?

Does your DH? If they're his family and he wants to ask; I think I'd go along with that.

If you're worried it will be her cousin's name I think that would be weird, and if you won't ask I think you should assume they might use it. But if you ask them/get your DH to ask them what names they're considering and your SIL's grandma's name doesn't come up, I don't think that distance away is weird to repeat a name.

If they have a girl and call her after the late GM I don't think you should use it personally, if they have a boy then I might do. I guess they can still use the name if they ever had a DD.

I don't know, it's a bit of a funny one because you don't want to tread on their toes but then nobody owns a name and all that.

DH seems to think I'm unreasonable

What does he think is unreasonable? To want to call your baby this name or to think this is an issue?

I don't even know what my SIL's GM was called. If they don't use this name, there is nothing to stop you from using it, imo.

I think it depends on what the name is and if it’s something that’s just associated with your SIL’s grandmother.

If the name is a more ‘general’ name like May or Elizabeth then I think that’s fine, but if it’s something unique like Balonza then that feels slightly different.

It's a total non issue to me.. I wouldn't even mention it. Unless it is a really unusual name.

If dh feels its unreasonable of you then tell him to mention it to them and see what they say.

There's no issue at all. It's the name of someone who's only distantly related and is no longer alive. And you've said that if the SIL picks the same name for their daughter, you won't use it.

I can't think of any reason at all why you wouldn't give your child that name.

Thanks All, you have put my mind at rest and I've told DH he's the only one that has an issue lol!

Can you speak to them? SIL and I are due a few weeks apart and DB and I lost our grandma a little while ago, my SIL asked if I was planning to use her name, as they had considered it as a middle name but weren't dead set, and if we were using it they wouldn't. I'm not using it as it won't go with our first choice girl name, a few years ago I would've used it as a first name but it's getting a bit too popular now (violet)

If you absolutely love the name and really want to use it then I would use it anyway (as long as they don't have a girl and use it before your baby is born).

If you're not absolutely wedded to the idea and have other names in reserve, your husband could just casually raise it with his brother and ask if they were thinking of using it at any point.

Or, if they have a boy, once you've congratulated them and everything, you could ask them what names they were considering if they'd had a girl.

I'd ask SIL how she feels. I'm guessing your DH just isn't very keen on the name.

I think you should establish whether SIL has any intention of using the name for her baby before you start stressing. You aren't really treading on anyone's toes if the name is currently quite mainstream, but if it's something incredibly uncommon and strongly associated with the grandmother, I'd step away.

As others have said, unless the name is completely unique, I don't see any issue if you use it. After all, their child will be born first, if they have a boy and can't use it, well, that's the way it goes. They might only ever have boys.
Also, I'm not sure I know my SILs'mothers first names, let alone their grandmother's names! I really can't imagine getting upset had either of my sils chosen to use one or other of my grandparents names for any of their children. There's nothing to stop several people in a family shairng a name somewhere within their names. My FIL Dh, DC, dgc and two of Dh nephews all share a name, some as first name, some as a middle name. No-one gets precious about it.