Name Dilemma

[CrackersDontMatter]

It’s very early days for us yet so this is all just hypothetical right now. If this baby is a girl, DH wants to name her after his mum. Sadly she died before we met and I absolutely support his desire to memorialise her in this way. She sounds like an amazing lady and I’m sad that if we’d met just a few months earlier I could have known her.

The problem isn’t really the name itself, it’s a pretty name I suppose and I don’t dislike it as such. It’s not something I would choose because it’s not my style. The other issue I have with the name is that it is so popular right now.

I went through school being one of four of my name in my class. I was referred to as “First name Surname” all through school. Even by friends. I was never just “first name”.

So, I suppose what I’m asking is should I just get over myself and give him what he wants? Would I be an absolute knob to try and persuade him otherwise? Would you agree to a name you’re not really keen on in these circumstances? Obviously this could all be moot, the baby could be a boy but I just can’t get my head around a name I don’t love.

You could

*use it as a middle name (as already suggested)

• give her a "Lily-name":
  Liliana, Lillian, Lilia, Lilwen, Liliane, Liliosa, Mailys etc.

• A name that means Lily / the name of a kind of (well, sort of...) Lily:
  (Susanna, Iris, Amaryllis, Azucena...)

I personally like the name Lily.
There are some pretty hardy lily species and it's sweet without being childish (imo).

OP whatever you decide I just wanted to say you seem like a lovely,supportive partner and I wish you and your husband all the best for your new arrival💖

@mystery I think it looks lovely with a long classic name, thank you for sharing those. I hadn’t thought of that. Also with lots of replies saying they don’t know many Lilys I wonder if it’s a name that makes it on to a lot of shortlists but then people go a different way.

@zebra thank you for saying that it makes me feel less of a heel for not immediately saying yes!

You sound lovely OP, as does your dh's mum, she sounds like someone to be proud of being named after. My dd is a Lilian known by family as Lily, and named after dh's nan. She has always had at least one other Lily in her class at school and as a result uses Lilian there in order to avoid being Lily X / big Lily etc. It's been a popular name for a long time with a peak in the 2000s but does look to be on the wane a bit now. Bear in mind that even in 2011 when it peaked at no3 less than 0.7 babies were called Lily (but as a comparison there were 4761 Lilys compared with 71 Lilians and 30 Liliths).

names.darkgreener.com/#lily

Use it as a middle name, my husbands mum died just before we got married and our daughter has her name as a middle name (even though I hated the name)

Genuinely, thank you all so much❤️.

I think @mike is right and we’ve tempted fate and it’s going to be a boy! It’s actually really grown on me over the course of the thread and I’m feeling much clearer about everything. Thank you so much

I absolutely love Lily Josephine.

Also:
Lily Eleanor
Lily Theodora

As a teacher, I can say from my experience, that while Lily is a popular name, I have never taught more than one in class. I’ve probably taught 3-4 in eight years, with one a Lillian who went by Lillie.

Personally, I think giving a beloved family member’s name to a child can be a bit of a burden. It can be a lot to live upto the name. But, using the name as middle name can be a very lovely tribute in memory of a much loved person.

We had a similar issue when thinking of names for DS. DH tentatively suggested his deceased Dad's name, which is a perfectly nice name...but it was his Dad's. I politely dissuaded him from it as he would have had the same full name as a grandfather he would never meet, and I didn't think it was fair on him, or the rest of DH's family, to be constantly reminded of someone else.
We started to think of similar names and came up with the name DS now has, which we all love, DS included!
Could you possibly do the same? Lily - Lilliana, Lila, Lola, Layla etc.

There are some other name ideas here. appellationmountain.net/lily-names-lilith-liliosa-and-liliane/
I especially like Tigerlily. I'm not a fan of naming someone after someone else, but if you are ok with it, but not loving Lily enough, maybe you can find something longer for her Birth Certificate and to give her options, and her dad can call her Lily and you can call her Tigerlily (or whatever).
DH and I call our DD variations on her name - I use the long version (think Elizabeth) and he calls her Liz.

I really wanted to name our son after my terminally ill father. It’s was a nice name which went well with our surname. Dh couldn’t come up with a decent reason why not to use it other than he didn’t love it. He had no other names lined up and he had given me the impression through the pregnancy that he liked the name. We had to have the arguement during labour over what we would actually call him. Son called something completely different to what I wanted. So instead of a
Name one of us was indifferent to we have named him something bland and everyday which both of us are indifferent to. I adore my son and he’s my super little man or litttle sausage or mr cutie....I use his baby names rather than his given names-
But I guess I can’t do that for long 😂 I still wish we’d called Him after my dad 😢

In your situation I'd definitely agree to her having his mum's name. It's a nice enough name, his mum isn't still alive to confuse the matter, and she's clearly been an incredibly important person in his life.

I agree with bridgetreilly.
Now you need to think about a boy's name.

A friend of mine was in exactly the same position and she agreed to her DH’s mum’s name despite not loving it.