Dante. Is it too mean in these circumstances?

[QuickGetTheEggplants]

DS is due in 3 weeks, and we have the first name sorted but we're still deciding on the middle name. We thought we were set, but then my DH suggested Dante "because he's put us through 9 circles of Hell".

I counted, and that's literally true. From being a rainbow baby after a late loss, to various scares and misdiagnoses, to having high risk cord complications and an increased risk of stillbirth, there are actually 9 different incidents that have caused us a lot of anxiety during pregnancy.

To be fair, we have both always liked the idea of Dante as a middle name anyway, but I'm not sure if the extra meaning it carries now makes it more perfect, or too negative.

If he ever asks us how we chose it we wouldn't say, "because you put us through Hell", obviously, because this poor little foetus hasn't actually done anything wrong, we'd probably just say we liked it. Even so I'm not sure if Dante is fitting or mean?

No. Aside from the negative aspects, if you told me that story I would think you were a bit .

Why not call him Dante because he GOT you rather than put you through hell?

Having been told multiple times that i was "such a horrible baby that they should have chucked me and kept the afterbirth lol " i would choose a different name without any negativity attached.

If he is a rainbow baby then give him the middle name Unicorn or something.

No one will think of the whole of the divine comedy, they will just think of the inferno. And it’s a really mean name to give to a baby.

There are plenty of strong, positive names associated with literary characters who have overcome.

What you’re basically saying is “you put us through hell”. Regardless of how you justify it.

Plus, is that what you want to think every time you look at your child?

Your DH sounds like a bit of a knob, actually. “Dark humour” often translates to “arsehole, but people don’t get me wah, wah, wah.”

But it’s your kid!

What’s that poem?

They fuck you up, your mum and dad...

This is awful, however you try to justify it. Please do not do this to an apparently much wanted and loved child.

Why not call him Dante because he GOT you rather than put you through hell
I like this. Divine Comedy isn't just about hell, its about endurance and perseverance.
You and he have gone through the 9 circles of hell to be together and now you are you can climb the rest of the mountain of luge y together.

However I'd probably just tell him yiu really like the name / named after a favourite author until he's older and stick with we've (3) began through hell

Use the name. Just don't tell him or anyone why!

It isn't that he's put you through hell though is it? It's that you went through hell to have him and here he is, all worth it and fabulous. It could be a really positive thing!
Look how much you went through to have him and now he's almost here!

I'm sorry for you past loss, OP. That's really sad. But I wouldn't use this name in these circumstances. I love the name and it was in our list for baby DS, but if I was already thinking along the lines you are (which I wasn't), I wouldn't use it. It keeps the negativity at the forefront way too much. I'd name him something with more joyful (or at least neutral!) connotations to you.

I'm so sorry for your loss Op. I too, have been through something very similar.

For me, it sounds as though you are naming your baby for YOU. What he put you through, what his birth means to you.
You're not naming him for HIM. He will forever be burdened by this and really it's quite selfish imo. I'm not sure how I'm explaining it well but I think it's a negative idea.

Like the name but the explanation is just horrible even if it is just a dark joke.