Family just changing DD's name?

[duckdarlington]

DD's name is uncommon, but is often used as a nickname for a much more common name.
We dont like the common name and didnt call her that, family members however expressed their dislike for her name when she was born.
It was her birthday yesterday and we recived 9 cards adressed to the more common name that isnt her name!

Would you make a fuss? Is she damned to a life of this from now on?

Did you not think when you gave your child a name that it could be changed to a "common name"?
Yes your DD will be stuck with the nick name and its your fault.

That’s very rude of people (certainly to express their dislike of it after you told them her name at birth!!), and frustrating for you.

I guess it depends on whether you can see yourselves ever using the other name or not. If not, then maybe a note/text/call to say “thank you so much for the card - [realname] had a lovely birthday. Would you mind using her given name instead of [othername]? Otherwise it’s going to get a bit confusing for her as she grows up! Thanks again and looking forward to seeing you soon etc”

If you get nowhere with that then I think you have to be a bit more forthright....

Posh do you seriously mean that the OP should just suck it up if she’s called her daughter Libby and her family are referring to her as Elizabeth?! Or Charlie/Charlotte? Or Kitty/Katherine?? Do you think that’s reasonable?!

@Poshindevon

Since her birth name is itself a short 'nickname' that could be used for a few longers names, no. We didnt expect people to feel the need to change her name to longer different word.

@poshindevon stop being an arse!

OP - I would have a word and remind them that dd is called X not Y. Could they please address things correctly

@Laquila

Thankyou, yes I think a polite text just confirming her actuall name would be the best way to start.

What is the name, please? It's difficult to tell from your post.

I'd be annoyed and would let people know as politely as possible that they'd made a mistake and DD's name is actually [whatever].

The thing is, they're not using her name. She doesn't know herself as Elizabeth (for example) or Katherine but as Beth or Kitty. She knows herself as the name you have given her! I'd send grandma a birthday card with the words, "To a wonderful Auntie on her special day." Because that's the equivalent of what they've done really.

So for example your dd is officially called Lulu and family members address her as Louise? It's a pissy pass-agg thing for them to do and I'd politely tell them to refer to her by her actual name from now on.

My niece has a name like this. And my sister gets asked all the time if the longer version is her real name. She has had cards from nursery friends with longer name on. If it was from close friends or family she would be really annoyed. Yanbu people are being ignorant

It's rude, pure and simple.

Getting cards from school friends with the other name is one thing - probably just an innocent assumption that (for example) Izzy was an Isabella etc.

Cards from family who have known the correct name since birth is another matter entirely!

Has one family member told all the other relations that X is actually her real name? And they've just used it not knowing any better?
As an example, DM is a terrible speller. She would relay details of births etc through to our side of the family but often with the wrong spelling of the name. So we would all send congratulation cards to, for example, Jaine instead of Jane. Or Lewis instead of Louis. These days with FB and WhatsApp it doesn't happen any more.

Yes all the family members (apart from maybe 1) Know that dd's name is the 'nickname' version and that we dont like and didnt choose the longer name hers comes from.
I dont want to post her actual name but as other posters have suggested, its like calling her
Isabella when her names bella or Katherine when her names Kitty.

I would text them asking if they forgot your daughters birthday if they say no we sent cards just say well I wasn't sure. We got cards with x name but that's not my daughter.
I know that's very petty and passive aggressive. Sorry not much help.

I'd be annoyed by this too, and would have to reiterate that her name is Beth, not Elizabeth, or whatever.

Your relatives are being strange. Pick them up on it, now. Tell them "DD is called Liz not Elizabeth" or whatever.
I know people with names like Mandy who get called Amanda or Stevie who gets called Stephanie when they are just Mandy or Stevie. Not a lot you can do about it really.
Some people are incapable of accepting that a pet form is the full name and will insist that they know best. If you've told them then just ignore their mistake unless it's on a cheque or official document.

They're rude. I'd send a short text along the lines of 'Dear Aunt, thank you for Bella' s card. Much appreciated. Just to let you know she is just Bella, not Isabella. Take care x'

If they continued to refer to her as Isabella then I'd start calling them a name you prefer so Aunt Ruth becomes Aunt Lisa and when challenged just say you think Lisa is nicer than Ruth.

My DM does a version of this to my DD, and it's incredibly arrogant and rude.

Repeatedly asked/told her not to do it, but she still always does, deliberately. Always.

One of the many reasons I think my mum is a cow and visit her as little as possible. It may be a tiny thing, but only a shitty person would insist on doing it after multiple corrections.

Depends if they are close family or not. If they aren't could they have possibly forgotten/ just assumed? If they are close then it does come off as being rude. I'd personally give them a phone or go over in person and explain, it's best to nip this in the bud now before your DD gets any older. Tell them it's on the BC and its what she's called and you don't want her to get confused. Good luck OP.

Very rude. My daughter has a normal traditional name, and we call her a diminutive of it, also very common. The amount of people who spell the NN wrong is so annoying, and I do correct them.

E.g. say her name is Elizabeth and we call her Lizzie. We get cards addressed to Lizzy (ok, not outrageous, don't mind this one too much), Lizy, Lizi, Lizzi etc.

We always write Lizzie in all communication so it's not like they've never seen it written down.

We had the opposite problem in our family, my sister has a name that can be shortened my dad hates the shortened version and if anyone used it he would say "I don't have a daughter called X, I have a daughter called Y." People got the message loud and clear and very quickly.

Tell your family your daughter's name is X and that is how she is to be referred to, it's rude of them to do otherwise.

I’d call them and politely thank them for the card/gift but say that DD was a bit hurt that they put the wrong name in her card.

She’s 9yo, family should know her name by now.

Thankyou everyone for your replies. Me and Dp have just sent out a few text thanking them for dd's card but confirming her name is just x and not y so we would appreciate it if she could be called by her actual name