Name regret - does it fade?

[toastedteacakeswithjam]

Second DC is now nearly 7 mo. DH and I disagreed for ages about his name and it took us right up to the 6 week deadline to find a name we both agreed on. Even then I didn't feel completely sure, but obviously had to register so just went ahead and hoped it would start to feel right in time. As time passes I still can't seem to get used to it. I do like the name and it has family significance for us, but somehow I can't get used to it being "his" name, and it feels weird every time I hear someone say it, or I have to introduce him. We also know a couple of other people (the son of a distant cousin of DHs about 18 yo and a good friend of mine from an old job) with the same name, which somehow makes it feel a bit less special.

I never felt this with DDs name (now 4 yo) so am wondering whether this feeling will fade - will I get used to the name, or will I continue to feel regret?

I don't think I can face changing it (and DH loves it so I'm sure would be horrified!). Part of me wonders whether the name is really the issue, or whether it's just a channel for other anxieties (I can be quite an anxious person). Do children "grow into" their names, even if they feel strange to start with?

That sounds tough OP. Does he have a middle name you prefer? I think you probably will get used to his name with time. We called DS a name we both liked but to be honest I never ever use his name always his nn to the point that family and friends do too. I sometimes think we should just have called him the nn as it works as a stand alone name! Also, it's pretty much impossible to name someone something unique anymore- I know so many people who chose what they thought were really different names, only for said names to suddenly become really popular so I wouldn't worry about knowing people with the same name. I hope you feel better about it soon OP - fingers crossed the regret will fade.

I had a little bit of name regret after dd was born. Took us ages to choose a name and the one we settled on wasn't really a favourite, more that it was the nicest one we could agree on. I liked it, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't my favourite.

For the first few months of her life, her name just didn't feel right and I regretted choosing it. However we stuck with it and she is now 5yo and I couldn't imagine her with any other name. It has totally become her - I no longer associate it with anyone else I've heard of with the same name and I couldn't imagine her being called anything else at all, despite there still being other names I like more.

A friend of mine always regretted her choice and changed it in the end.

Depends on the name really. If it’s something classic I reckon you will get used to it. If it’s something like River or Torquail or Bear - maybe not.

Could you tell us the name OP ?

You sound very like me. Chose a name due to pressure from lots of people (and myself). It never suited her, I always felt the name belonged to someone else. We changed it at ten months once I realised that it wasn't going to fade. I found the whole thing to be quite embarrassing to be honest but most people didn't bat an eyelid. I'm very glad we did it. I had another specific name in mind.
Good luck whatever you decide.

Congrats on your baby boy. If you disliked the name, I would say don’t hesitate to change it. However, in your case it sounds like you may just not yet be used to the name. This happened to me when I had my eldest. I could not get used to using her name or introducing her to others. It felt so strange. Five years later and I am (nearly!) over it. I agree with a PP that if it is a classic name you will get used to it, and I certainly think the feeling that it’s less special because you know others with the name will disappear entirely.

Both mine grew into their names; now I can't imagine why I thought they were 'wrong'.

I felt like this. My x had such boring taste in names. But 14 years later I'm at least partly glad I didn't give my dc1 the names that felt right to me . Her name seems l8ke a not overused classic now which at the time felt boring but she never comes across another. I never feel awkward telling people her name, and I can imagine various x colleagues rolling their eyes at some of the nam3s I felt were right.

She is a lot more than her name now.

Sorry to disappear for a few days and thank you so much for your replies.

@Wenchelda I think that's exactly our situation. I didn't like any of DH's suggestions, he didn't like any of mine, so the name we ended up choosing was neither of our first choices, but at least one we both liked. I still like it - it is a nice, classic name, and has family significance - but as you say I think it's just going to take some getting used to before it feels "right" for DS.

That said, staying with family over Christmas and hearing them using the name has really helped, and using it is starting to feel a bit more natural.

I'm feeling positive! Thank you all again for sharing your experiences

You have one tear to give a name not 6 weeks.

6 weeks to register a birth not name the child, you can go back and put in the first name later

I didn’t feel my fourth child suited his name for ages and he was “the baby” in my mind for 7/8 months. I loveda other name and really toyed over changing it to that. But he is now 5 and as he grew and responded to his name he became that name and it suits him.

So yes I think you can and do get over name regret.