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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Call 1 year old by middle name? Name issue

17 replies

Itsme12345 · 28/09/2017 06:13

My baby girl has just turned 1 and I always wanted and thought her middle name would be her first name. This post is about two things 1) I wish her middle name was her first name 2) I don't like the flow of her first & middle name, as much as I adore both names seperately. Her first and middle name are both names we loved but we couldn't agree on so used one as her first and the other as her middle so she has a middle name which I thought I would have only ever used as a first name - think "Penelope Lucinda" / "Florence Isabella" / "Amelia Philippa" (I never thought I'd do this as both my sons have at least 1 family name and I am very particular about things matching / flowing correctly ) but we just mushed 2 names we were only considering as a first together that we couldn't agree / decide on 4 hours into labour/ a couple of hours before she was born.. my husband wanted the name decided before he/she was born I wanted to wait to meet him/her. I have always loved both names but always wanted what her current middle name is as her first. As soon as she was born I felt this way and it hasn't changed in almost 13 months. My husand and immediate family/ friends know this has stressed and upset me. My question is... do you think at 13 months I can start to call my baby by her middle name ? Or the nickname of her middle name? My husband doesn't want to call her by her middle name but is happy for me to call her by the nickname of her middle name and see if it sticks. My other option is to forget her current middle name (even though I just adore it) and change it to the family middle name (my middle name- a classic middle - think Grace, Claire, Rose, Louise Mary,) I always thought my daughter would have. (I decided against it 2 hours before I gave birth as with the name we agreed on as a first was too similar to mine with the exact same initials - hormones / epidural made the decision as well as a husband who had to confirm the name pre-birth) Her current first name people mispronounce (there are 2 ways to pronounce it) and shorten it. (I did factor in the nickname before birth but not the constant mispronouncing!) On top of this, a different nickname we have been using an immediate in-law has decided to nicknamed their newborn the same- which has completely put me off using it.This may well be our baby and only daughter. Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

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Changerofname987654321 · 28/09/2017 06:15

Is it not a bit late surely by now she knows her own name.

SandBlue · 28/09/2017 06:42

Taking your first example of Penelope Lucinda.
Are you suggesting DH would call her Penelope, and you'd call her Lucinda or Lucy? I think that would be really confusing.
If you are all going to switch to calling her Lucinda/Lucy, I'd start by calling her Penelope Lucinda for a bit, then dropping the Penelope bit after a while.

I'm called by my middle name. It's a pain at times, but nothing major. But I've always been known as my middle name (to prevent initials such as BUM).

Original poster

Itsme12345 · 28/09/2017 07:32

I would test out "Lucy" and if it sticks switch first and middle. I regularly call her "Penelope Lucinda" or "Penny Lucy" for example. Alternatively I'm considering giving her our family female middle name and keeping her current middle if we ever had another daughter. Thanks for your suggestion.

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CamperVamp · 28/09/2017 07:43

Whatever you do you need to address the stress over this and the constant issue over it between you and your DH.

You seem to have got yourselves into a right state.

If you are going to change it, get in with it, as you are doing.

Don't bother with the 'family name' unless you love it.

pipilangstrumpf · 28/09/2017 07:47

Your dd is over age 1, I think that would be unfair to change her name, especially if your husband isn’t keen on it anyway.

Original poster

Itsme12345 · 28/09/2017 08:16

Good to know there's the point of view it's unfair but I would say it is her middle name, it's not as though it's a whole new name. Thanks for your comment.

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Original poster

Itsme12345 · 28/09/2017 08:21

CamperVamper Yes, thank you & I completely agree. Yesterday was a turning point when someone at the playground said "Wow! Now that's hard to say!" (About her first name) I left and rang my husband in tears. As a usually confident person I was upset as it wasn't my first choice for her name and everything can rushing back.

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SumAndSubstance · 28/09/2017 11:25

I would say it is her middle name, it's not as though it's a whole new name.

My DS is 5 and hasn't a clue what his middle name is! It's a bit different if you do use it though e.g. actually calling her 'Penelope Lucinda'.

PetitFilous123 · 28/09/2017 11:31

Just call her her first name, it's a bit weird to suddenly expect her to adjust to you calling her something different. She doesn't know it's her middle name. We got a rescue dog when we were kids, he was 8 months old and his name was Monte-Cristo ...we wanted to call him jack...didn't work. we had old monte-cristo for years and had to suffer the indignity of calling him by his full double barrelled name or he wouldn't come.

Bowsandbugs · 28/09/2017 12:26

If it's causing you distress then call her by her middle name...she's only one, she will 100% adjust!! It's not an unusual thing to do at all. Speak to OH and if he agrees with you I wouldn't give it a second thought. Good luck xxx

pipilangstrumpf · 28/09/2017 15:36

Your dd knows her name at this age, so I really wouldn’t change it at this point. When she’s older she can choose to use her middle name?

over40andpregnant · 28/09/2017 15:40

I think it’s fine to change but you both have to
You can’t call her different things

Also it was very mean of your dh to pressure you in labour. Have you forgiven him that or is that another part of the resentment ?

pipilangstrumpf · 28/09/2017 15:41

No, you and dh can’t call her different names!

RosieTheRiveting · 28/09/2017 15:43

My DS has chosen to go by his middle name - he decided to do so in his 20s.

Most people remember and nobody Batavia an eyelid.

RosieTheRiveting · 28/09/2017 15:44

*bats

user1499786242 · 28/09/2017 16:36

You need to sit down with your husband and have a proper conversation about it
Make a decision
Personally I think changing her name now would be kinder than letting her live a life with a name that you hate! Or waiting until she's 5 or something

But if you decide to leave it then you need to accept that and move on! Learn to love the name!

Original poster

Itsme12345 · 29/09/2017 07:50

Thank you for you comments & suggestions. I'm using "Lucy" to see if it sticks & if so will officially switch the two around. I've mentioned this to some close friends & family they were very supportive & didn't seem shocked or thought it was odd. I think it helps I often call her "Penelope Lucinda" as she does response to "Penny Lucy " or even just the nickname "Lucy".

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