Help

[laddie77]

Please help me I've got a 7 month old & I hate his name I can't think of anything else but how I hate it, my partners family will disown me if I change it, I feel guilt every second I just feel so low what should I do

Did they pressurise you into using it?

You can change it up to a year.

If you want to share the name, that might be helpful as you could get some non-biased feedback on it, and maybe other names you might like.

How did he end up with his name- did you like it at first but have changed your mind? S it a name from his side of the family?

I liked it he came early & pregnancy hormones I though yeah that's so cool, I can't even say it I feel so bad, my husband likes it & thinks I'm a mad woman his family say I'm cruel if I change it, I find myself getting hysterical about it I'm going to the Drs tomorrow as my husband thinks I've gone mad maybe if they drug me up I'll like it, I'm so scared & feel so guilty, sorry to rant I think I needed to talk I feel so alone

You sound pretty traumatised. Was the early arrival very difficult for you? Did you feel bullied into choosing the name by your husband's family, or is it more that you picked a name in a fug of hormonal post-natal panic and you've now gone off it? Aside from regretting the name choice, are things OK OP?

Could it be the name is reminding you of a shitty horrible time?
Have you tried using another name even just in your head?
Maybe ask your hv if there is someone who you can discuss the birth with.

Yes he came 6 weeks early by c section it was all weird, I was in a bubble of love for a long time& now just feel the guilt of his name, I think I'm suffering some kind of depression or having a breakdown, I've tried out another name, my husbands parents say it's cruel to change his name though, let alone what everyone else is going to say about it, poor little baby he didn't ask for this , he's so perfect

Laddie definitely see the GP and tell them how you feel. They can refer you to perinatal services. It's ok if you want to change the name but make sure that you want to and it's not just anxiety clouding the decision. I suffered very badly with anxiety post birth and I'm under perinatal at the moment who can definitely help.

Thank you I'm going to my dr tomorrow 1st thing

It's OK to change your mind if you really don't like his name. But sometimes fixating on the name can be a sign of PND. Definitely talk to the GP. You've had a tough time so be kind to yourself.

Do you want to say the names?

Firstly, it is NONE of your inlaws business. Have a talk to your H and say that you'd not for them to comment and any decision about name changes will be between you two from now on.

Secondly, yes of course you can change it. It's not cruel and it's not even unusual! People would get used to it pretty soon. A good way of doing it is to amend his birth certificate so that you give a new middle name. You could then start using that.

However, it does sound as if it might be more to do with potential pnd/anxiety. Definitely go to the doc! Not unusual at all, and they certainly won't medicate you so you're unable to think clearly - on the contrary, if it seems you do need anti-ds or anxiety medication, what it will do is help you START thinking clearly. Then you can maybe judge better whether you think the name is a genuine mistake or not!

But definitely tell your H that from now on this is between you two. If he can't respect that then you have more problems than the name issue!

There is no problem changing him name, he is only little so in no way is it cruel. Get to the GP for some advice with depression but please try not to feel bad about changing your baby's name, it isn't an unusual thing to do, it's fine! Go with your gut. Hope you feel better soon.

It's not cruel, echo the post above x

Another vote for not cruel & sounds like there's more to it. Is the name unusual & wacky? You can change it up. To. A year for a reason. Have you another name that you love that you feel suits?

Either way you will probably learn to live with it at best or if you change it, everyone will be in the habit of the new name within a couple of months.

It does sound like you should talk to gp if you're obsessing about it. Hope things get better for you

Thanks, his name is Axl 😩

I like the name, but if you are really unsure then changing is possible and something you should consider.

It does sound as if you need a chat with your doctor though, childbirth can be traumatic enough, without all of the added stress of an early arrival.

Does he have a middle name that you like?

Changing a child's name is not cruel though... I know someone who calls his daughter by her middle name (the only one who does) and she doesn't mind at all (she is an adult now).

Change it. I quite like it, but if it's not the right name for you and your son then personally I think you will continue to regret it and it gets much harder as he gets older. You can keep Axl as a middle name for the sake of appearances if you're worried about that. Just tell people you sopped them around. Saying your son's name out loud should make you proud and happy. No one's opinion matters but yours and your husbands.

Ok, I can see why you would want to change it. Not because there is anything wrong with it - it's quite cool! - but because it's an unusual, 'out-there' name. The kind of name that one can absolutely fall in love with (especially given pregnancy hormones!!) and then change one's mind about- particularly when you probably get 'oooh that's unusual!!' or 'you what?' when you introduce your DS!

So I think your change of heart is absolutely understandable. Just to say again: it's a good name!! But yes, look into changing it. Absolutely normal and more people do this than you realise. Hunt for threads on here - there are quite a few - and show them to your DH.

One idea- how about changing the spelling to Axel? That's a solid Scandinavian name, lovely and unusual but most people will have heard of it. Plenty of historic Axels.

What other name did you like? Does DS already have a middle name, if so how do you feel about that? How about changing the spelling of his first name to Axel (I'm liking that more and more as I type it) and adding the other name you like as a middle name?

Do you like Alexander? You then have a choice of gorgeous classic shortened forms and your partner could still refer to him as Axl as a pet name

It's really only up to your dh and you which name to give your ds! I also don't think you should change his name if you're not feeling 100% well.

It also shouldn't matter whether we (random internet users) like the name, although I do.

Hope you feel better soon.

Thanks all, I've been to the Drs & he ref me to counselling & meds, I think I'm just gonna change the name & use his middle name & just deal with the consequences, it's got to be better than feeling like this

Great stuff OP. If you want to change it, absolutely change it x

Hope you feel better soon OP whatever you decide

Hope you feel better soon OP, you did the right thing going to the doctor.

Do you have another name in mind? I think you should definitely change it if you're unhappy.

PS my son was born 6 weeks early by C section too so I understand how stressful it is. I'm pretty sure I had PTSD for several months and even now I find it hard to talk about the events that led to his early arrival (he's now a year old).

Thanks again everyone, I think maybe the birth got to me than I realised, he was in hospital for a month, all comments have really helped in my final moment of despair so thank u, just 1 more bit of advise ... after the in laws how do I tell people I've changed it, do u think they will all think I'm mad

Get him some t shirts made off eBay.
My new name is.........

I love the name. Hope you are OK.