Surname

[Lonoxo]

We are having a girl and thinking of giving her both our surnames to give her more choice in life. DH was ribbed for his surname during school but it would be worse for a girl (e.g. think Hooker). We wouldn't hyphenate. My questions:

• is there a standard order for surnames such as father's first.
• practical consideration such as baby having to remember to use both surnames on official docs.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

You can call you local registry office to get the correct info wouldn't want to guess really, I can only presume that you can have the name anyway you want it ie your surname first or father's.

Your dc can have any surname you choose. . In any order.
My ds has dh first name as his surname - same as me!

There's no 'standard' when it comes to names (is it Whore?) You can call her anything you like, that includes surnames, doesn't have to be either of yours.

Yes, I thought 'Hoare' at first. If this is the case, I wouldn't worry at all about giving her choice. Don't use it. Give her your name.

Why don't you just give her yours?

Just use your name. Why saddle her with an odd name ? Surely your husband cares more about his child's welfare than carrying on an old fashioned and out dated tradition .

If I were you I would put her father's name first or as an extra middle name and then she wouldn't have to use it day to day if it would cause her bullying. So if he full name was Rosie Hooker Johnson at school or doctors she could just call her Rosie Johnson. Congratulations.

One of the commonest reasons women give, on MN, for taking their DH's name on marriage or giving their children DHs name is that they don't like their own name / is has given rise to teasing etc. So why would you give your child such a name? Why does your DH want to pass on a name that would subject her to the same ribbing he got, but worse? The whole family could adopt your name!

As other posters said, you can give your child any surname you like, in any order.

We did DHName-MyName for the Dcs surnames as it sounded better that way.

Dcs manage perfectly well with two names totalling 5 syllables.

In your situation, if your DH insists on passing on his name, I would put if first but not hyphenate so that our DD can abandon it or ignore it as an extra middle name and just use the last part: yours.

It is just as valid to give your child your surname as your DHs.

Did you take on his surname, if not I'd stick to yours.

I have a male friend whose surname was Raper, he decided to take his wife's name when they married.

Give her your name - it's obvious

The last name will be taken as the surname on official documents, so to avoid this put your dh surname before your own if you decide to use both (unless you go with pp suggestions of using an entirely different one.

Just give her your name. If your husband got the piss taken out of him, why on Earth does he want to subject his child to the same?

My children all have just my surname. The world hasn't imploded yet.

I'm also thinking it is probably Hoare. I don't think it's that bad, however I agree why not just give her yours, with his as a second middle name.

Give her yours.

Hooker for a girl's surname? Yikes. What a burden. Give her yours.

Just use your name if his is so bad! Why saddle your child with something awful if you can avoid it?

Agee - just give her yours. If your DH wants you to all have the same name he can change his name to yours.

Why won't you hyphenate?

Thanks for the replies. It's not Hoare. His surname is foreign, and during his school years was associated with Christmas only. Now due to gangsta rap, it's a common term for women. We kept our own surnames so don't want to hyphenate. If we have a boy, we want the children to have the same surname. It would be nice to have both surnames to represent both parents, for cultural reasons and not giving into small minded people.

Oh. That thing Santa says a lot?

How about meshing?

Lots of people have double barreled but not hyphonated (sp?) surnames. I think the woman's usually goes first but no reason you can't swap

I actually don't think your dh's surname is that bad.

We all use a portmanteau surname, so a syllable from mine and a syllable from DHs. It works for us but some names don't lend themselves to it.

Personally I think Ho is fine, and much better than Hoare!!!

If you want to use both your full surnames I'd put his first so yours becomes the 'usual' if that makes sense

Hmmm. Might depend on where you live. S London, Ho would be a terrible name to burden a girl with, it really would.