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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Baby name regret - disagreement

67 replies

RCornelsen · 28/08/2017 17:24

My wife and I had our son 9 months ago, and deliberated over his name for a couple days in the hospital before settling on Braiden. My wife started to have significant concerns with his name around 4 months old and her concern has only grown with time. She has wanted to change the spelling, add middle names to alter his initials, and now wants to completely change his first name. I personally love our sons name and could not be more against changing it, but I am trying to be supportive and sympathetic to my wife's concerns. It has literally become a daily discussion in our house. I have read a few threads on name regret, but all of them seem to have agreement between Mom/Dad. Has anyone else ever been in my position, one parents wants the change the child's name and the other doesn't?

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Sophronia · 28/08/2017 18:38

Could you have Jonas as a first name?

Original poster

RCornelsen · 28/08/2017 18:38

It was always between Jacob and Braiden before he was born. We decided he was more of a 'Braiden' before we left the hospital, and that is what was recorded on the birth certificate.

She calls him Braiden, and likes the name itself (we also call him a plethora of NN's), her concern mostly stems from other peoples feelings of his name/spelling/initials, and what might happen in the future.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 28/08/2017 18:58

I've never heard of Braiden. But I've certainly seen a lot worse on MN. I suppose the best solution if you're wife wont let it go would be to chose a different name that you both like. Can't see any point in just changing the spelling.

EvelynWardrobe · 28/08/2017 19:00

Well, that's a good start if she likes the name itself. What do other people think about it as a name, rather than just the comments about the spelling and the initials? It's a very un-English name, so for lots of us on this site it's hard to see what they're seeing, if you get my drift.

I don't think I'd worry about the BJ thing, but then it's not as common here to call people by their initials as perhaps it is in the US.

Imnotatypicalsausage · 28/08/2017 19:05

I agree I wonder if your wife is maybe depressed, anxious, or did she experience any trauma at the birth? The reasons she's giving for changing it seem relatively trivial to be stressing over. I'd be more reassured if you said that she has just changed her mind and doesn't like it anymore.

Fwiw Braden is a nicer spelling; I don't think anyone will notice the BJ thing as it's only a middle name; I doubt he will be bullied for having braid in there; Jacob is also nice but obviously a big upheaval to change.

If changing the spelling and/or middle name order will set her mind at rest then why not just get on and change it - it won't be that hard and better now than later. However I would be alert to underlying other difficulties she might be facing x

TestTubeTeen · 28/08/2017 19:26

Ah, OK.

One of my Dc has a name regularly paraded in horror on MN, but we love it and some other people love it. It is gaining in popularity.

Braiden may well be such a name.

You can't make decisions based on a few (rude) people who don't like a name. You would have no name at all.
If she loved the name, put a name in between Braiden and Jonas.

Tho ' people are usually known at school and work by first-name surname initial, not middle name.

If you swap to Jacob half of MN will tell you it is too commonplace...

You can't win, so support your DW to have confidence in a name she does like.

TestTubeTeen · 28/08/2017 19:27

Brady is a deeply cool NN, IMO.

rackhampearl · 28/08/2017 20:01

Yes my husband and I named our baby Rosa and it was a total snap decision from me, I should have gone with the name I had loved all along but people he put me off. Husband loved it and she was named it for 11 months before husband realised I only referred to her has the baby and he knew I wasn't happy. My hormones were still all over too so he agreed to change it even though he loved Rosa. We changed it one day before her 1st birthday and she suits her new name so well. It's an awkward situation. I hope it works out well for you all.

grufallosfriend · 28/08/2017 20:40

I don't think it's fair to change a 9 month old's name. And his initials won't be BJ as middle names are never used!

C8H10N4O2 · 28/08/2017 21:11

And his initials won't be BJ as middle names are never used!

They don't need to be used for kids to see them in a register. In the workplace (in the UK at least) new staff routinely have to show passport ID and companies increasingly mandate the passport name as email address/corporate identity.

I would definitely do something about the initials - it sounds like that is your main concern so adding an extra name could help (although BSJ has its own connotations). Or possibly swap the names around?

BertrandRussell · 28/08/2017 22:37

I think people who say middle names are never used must only have very little children. In about year 3/4 they go through a phase of spelling their names bachwards, doing anagrams..... just generally messing about with their names. And I am afraid that BJ would be considered funny.

TestTubeTeen · 28/08/2017 22:55

BJ would be considered funny in Yr 3?

Yr 3 know about 'blow jobs'?

grandOlejukeofYork · 29/08/2017 00:19

I think people who say middle names are never used must only have very little children

No, I have big children. Also I am not a child but have never used my middle name, except when applying for a passport I think?

MaitlandGirl · 29/08/2017 00:29

A friend of ours has a 2yr old called Brayden. I'd never heard the name before but it suits him.

Would this spelling help your wife settle into the name more?

TroysMammy · 29/08/2017 06:07

I know a Brayden too.

FuzzyOwl · 29/08/2017 06:15

Regarding your wife's concerns.

I've never heard the name before so really don't think it is trendy, at least not where I am.
Unlikely but when children want to bully they will use anything they can, so I can see her logic. I would also imagine your son would pick up hia mum's concerns and be more sensitive to it himself.
I agree, he will be bullied for it.

What about Jonas Braiden? That way he can still be called Braiden if you prefer, as some people do go by their middle names, but it gets rid of the BJ initials and gives him another name to use if he prefers.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 29/08/2017 06:19

To be blunt - she's right. Braiden is awful and it will date him to within a few years.

Jacob Jonas is lovely.

ohlittlepea · 29/08/2017 06:28

Mt daughters best friend at bursery is called braeden. I hadnt heard it before. I think maybe some counselling first? Its jard people comenting now but people will jave even more to say if you change the name...it doesnt guarantee universal approval or freedom from teasing either way unfortunately.

CleverDick · 29/08/2017 06:34

Jonas is fab and, as gently as possible - Branden isn't. I can't see how you persuaded your wife to use this name but I'm in agreement with the suggestion of a pp: PND. If your wife is becoming distressed or anxious on a daily basis about this issue I would do the decent thing and change the baby's name. PND or not, your wife is clearly mentally unhappy with your the choice.

CleverDick · 29/08/2017 06:35

Braiden, not Branden.

RoderickRules · 29/08/2017 07:06

Change it!
You have to live with it forever.

auntym · 29/08/2017 10:32

Dig deep and support your wife, agree an alternative you are both happy with it and change it. It will be surprising news for those around you for about 24 hours then everyone will simply accept it and move on.

grufallosfriend · 29/08/2017 15:31

I think at 9 months your son knows his name. It's not really fair to change it now.

Soslowmo · 29/08/2017 18:53

Definitely change it now. Better that than to regret it forever.

GinasGirl · 31/08/2017 16:40

I love Jonas. Maybe change it around to Jonas Braiden if you still really like the name Braiden? You can still use it day to day.
Both my Dad and Brother go by their middle names, I don't think it's unusual to do that.

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