Using a deceased parents name

[Liadain]

Hi all,

I'm just wondering how you feel about this situation really (the name is Mary, btw). My partner suggested using the name as a memorial to my mum. She died very suddenly and unexpectedly.

I'm in two minds about it - on one hand, I think it's a lovely tribute and I would really like to honour her that way.

But on the other, it may be too much of a raw reminder of her? And I also wonder is it better to give her her own name so she can be her own person, instead of the fanily always being thinking of my mum when she's called. I'm not hugely keen on Maria/Marie etc.

All opinions welcome!

I think Mary is a great name. Be brace an go for it. Fab way of remembering too.

Dd has 2 'tribute' middle names. Ds has one a massive regret of mine that he has a name for dh family but not mine It's a nice compromise for us.

My mothers official name is Mary. However, she's always been known as Moya, the Gaelic alternative. Something to consider if you don't like other versions?

My DD has my late mum's name as a second middle name. My DD loves it and I find it quite comforting. I love the fact that my DD knows she had a granny X who she sadly never met but her memory will always live on and her middle name is a lovely reminder. It may be raw now but it will be a bit easier to hear years down the line. I often forget my DD has that middle name as we never use her full name but when I remember I'm so pleased we used it.

Thank you all

After talking to dh we're thinking it's a no to using Mary as a first name. It just feels like there would be an expectation that she grow up to be the wonderful person my mum was. I'm sure she will...but in her own way, rather than as a copy of my mum. I think he still thinks it would be a lovely tribute as first name, but he totally understands why I'm not all over it. He won't push either way, anyway.

I'm still open to the idea though, who knows - maybe it be perfect once she's born. And it definitely is the middle name.

My DCs all have their grandparents' names as middle names, which I think is lovely - both of my parents are dead, and it's a nice nod to the past. But I agree that having it as the first name is maybe a bit much - it does set up an expectation that they'll be like that person, which isn't really fair.

My daughter has my dead sisters name as her middle name.
I know it's different as you knew her as mum but I couldn't have given DD Dsis' name. It's relatively unusual and no one else could ever be 'DSis' name' IYSWIM.
I don't think it'd have been easy for family to have a second 'Dsis' name', especially my parents.
I love that she has her name as a middle name. It seems the perfect tribute.

I was named after my maternal grandmother who died when my mother was quite young.
She was an amazing woman who accomplished a lot despite having a heart condition her whole life that often left her bed-bound.
Growing up I adored being named after her as it made me feel very close to her and I liked to think she was my guardian angel (and still do)

We named our second son after my dad, who had died 2 years before. It felt strange at first, saying the name, as he was 'dad' to me, if that makes any sense. I don't make a day to day connection between him and my dad as they are so different. He is wearing the name in his own little way. I miss my dad and know that he would be bursting with happiness at having a grandson named after him.

Love Mary by the way. There should definitely be more of them.

All our children have a "tribute" name for middle name. We considered naming DS after his uncle (on my DHs side) who died as a child, but decided that- even 40 years on- it would be too raw for DH and my in laws.

DD1 is named after my mother who died when I was young. She likes having the name and the connection (teenager now). It is a cool name though 😎

DDs middle name is after my father but adapted to the female (Italian) version.

If DP would have let me I would have given her my surname as opposed to his too, so she'd have the full Italian name (it would of been beautiful) but instead she's got two Italian names and an English surname. wish DP was Italian too

My middle name was the name of my paternal grandmother, who died when my Dad was still a child. DH was named for his grandfather and both our dcs have family names as middle names. We like the connection it gives us to our history

My son isn't named after as such but my Grandad was put on end of life care 3 days before my son was born. I wanted my dads name as middle name without doubt but wasn't sure if I wanted my grandads name. When my son was born I still couldn't make up my mind but I did introduce him as having both my dads and grandads name as his middle name. My grandad died on my due date (4 days after my son was born) and that was what got me to officially name my son after my dad and grandad as middle names. Everyone I have spoke to have said how lovely it was that I named him after my Grandad and how it was a lovely tribute to him. Whenever I say my sons full name, I always smile a bit at the sky and think of my Grandad. My sons also only 13 weeks old so my Grandad didn't pass that long ago and honestly, it feels more of a nice feeling than a horrible raw feeling.

Oh Liadain, I am in the exact same position. My DM died very suddenly and unexpectedly in October. We're now expecting our first in January. To me, I couldn't use DMs name directly as it would feel wrong calling someone else by her name if you see what I mean and a bit raw for the rest of my family. I'm therefore using DMs name as a middle name as a nod to her.
If it's right for you, by all means use her name, there's nothing wrong with it at all. for you