I hate DH's names....

[pinkspeckle]

DH is adamant that baby is going to be called Khadijah for a girl or Yusuf for a boy. I absolutely hate the names!! I think they're too old fashioned!!

DH is Muslim, I'm a Christian. I think we should think of names that match both religions/cultures.

My favorites are Isaac, Zachariah, Jacob for a boy and Jasmine, Sarinah, Aaliyah for a girl.

WWYD?

Maybe let him choose a boy's name and you the mn. If it's a girl you choose first name and him mn?

Problem is that we are double barreling surnames which are both long so decided not to have a middle name.

The usual protocol is that each of you has name veto and you choose names that you both agree on. He doesn't get to be unilateral, but neither do you.
Go through the baby names books independently and each of you write out a list of names you like. Then see which names are on both your lists and choose from that shortlist.

Person that pushes gets final say.

My friend is Christian and her husband is Muslim. The boys are Elijah and Eshan.

That's the same background as my DH and I.

My DH is a bit more lenient and understanding about the names, although not as much as I'd like!

We gave our DD a name which has Muslim origins, but is also very European sounding. I was adamant that her name should either reflect us both, or else we should choose one that is from a different country and culture to us (he really didn't like this idea).

If we have a son in the future, I have no idea what we'll call him though, as I don't like many boy names, and those I do like, my DH doesn't!

He loves Osman, and also wants to use his own first name as our son's middle name, should we have one. I don't like Osman, and I don't agree with the use of my DH's name as a middle name either.

I think you'll have to keep reminding your DH that you are not of the same background as he is, and tell him you really dislike the names.

Tell him you feel it's really important that both identities are acknowledged.

Inform your DH that Muslim names do not have to be used, and that any name with a nice meaning may be given to a Muslim baby. Most of my DH's family were not aware of this, and were insisting on a Muslim name. One of my in laws researched names, and found this out.

It seems like you are very willing to compromise, as I've seen the names that you like. Maybe you could suggest one of those as a first name, and Khadijah or Yusuf as middle names - if you like them at all, otherwise, do not consider this as you'll always regret giving your child a name you've felt forced into.

What about Yazmin for a girl?

I like Yusuf, fwiw - but mainly because of Cat Stevens

I think if one parent really dislikes a name then it's ruled out. It's one thing to be a meh about it but if you actively dislike it then it's a no go.

I had the same problem with my ex. He offered one name, which even his uncle said was old fashioned and not very nice sounding, I came up with a few choices (even researched names from his culture and found some lovely ones) but he insisted that if it wasn't the name he chose then he didn't care... so I chose on my own.

You both need to like a name or it's in the bin.

No point naming a child something one of you hates. It's a big decision, you need a double opt in so you're both happy.

If you like a name but he doesn't then take it off the list.

Thanks everyone I just feel a bit pushed out because he told his parents the names and apparently they are so happy I'm like what about me? I guess I'm only pushing it out!!

That's not on, he sounds like a prick.

LTB.

That's not on, telling his parents before you've agreed. Smacks of bullying you into it and treating your opinion as insignificant.
You are the one pushing that baby out - no one's opinion outranks yours!

Is this the first of many things that he will force your child to go through in the name of his culture?

No way. He can be as adamant as he likes and tell the whole extended family, that doesn't mean he gets the final say. You both need to like the names. Don't be bulldozed into agreeing with him.

he insisted that if it wasn't the name he chose then he didn't care... so I chose on my own.

I'm not surprised he's your ex!

Neither of you should be accepting a name you hate.

I think a compromise name that fits well with both cultures would be the best plan. Hopefully something you both like!

Could your DH choose the name, if you have a son, and you name your daughter ? That's a fair compromise.

It's not a compromise I'd ever agree to, in case we never had a child that I was 'allowed' name.

DH is adamant

He can be as adamant as he likes but that's not how choosing a name works.

Adam works across both.
Other than that, you need to agree so he doesn't get to impose his choices on you just to appease his parents who are probably pissed off he didn't marry a Muslim girl

Parents are not pissed off he married me, they're lovely. He just really likes the names and wants baby to have a traditional Muslim name. I was just asking for general advice and have been given some such as going through baby name books!! DH certainly doesn't bully me into anything!

@wizzywig Really don't know what you're insinuating? Care to elaborate?

I have read tons of threads on here where men have liked names/picked names/told family names that the mother hasn't liked! I'm not saying that it's right at all but it's certainly nothing to do with him being Muslim!

OP explain to your OH that whilst you're happy to have a traditional Muslim name those specific two are not to your taste. Don't give in to a name you're not happy with or your hormones will no doubt end up catastrophising it leading to an inevitable name change later down the line. Good luck! I'm sure you will find the perfect name for both of you xx

Tell him that you've told your parents that you're going to use the names that you really like and they too are really excited and pleased at what you've chosen. If he protests and says that it will upset his parents then point out that he is happy to upset your parents so you need to compromise and upset all parents and jettison all the names that parents have been told. (Maybe tell your parents your second best names so your favourite ones are still available!).

When you next talk to his parents make sure you mention about how difficult it is to find names and that you are both still looking for the right one; that you both have favourites but that the other person doesn't like them so they are all out and you are back to the beginning of the hunt again. If they mention the names your dh likes, explain that although they were your dh's choices, as you don't like them (invoke past boyfriends/bully at school etc to explain why you will never have those names) they are not on the joint shortlist. Ask if they have any ideas for other names that fit your joint heritage criteria and distract them from your dh's choices.

Might be worth considering having a middle name even though you are double barrelling the surname. Less risk the middle name gets pushed into being a middle name rather than a surname for one and a chance for both sides to be represented in the name.

And on a practical note, if there's any danger that your dh would register the names without you to get his way, keep a close hold on the form they give you to take to register the births!

@pinkspeckle How long before you have to um, make the final decision, as it were? I would be tempted to let it lie for a little bit (if you can!) and let your name ideas settle in his mind a bit. He might be a bit set on 'his' names at the moment, but yours might start to appeal if he's left to think about them by himself!

BTW, DP and I are also facing this situation for forthcoming twins (DDs). We both want something which 'works' with both cultures. So far we've come up with Lina, Sara, Yasmine/Jasmine, Luma and Aliya. I'm not so keen on Sara (his fave) and he doesn't like Luma (my fave!).