Plain and safe or exciting but controversial?

[katonic]

I'm due in a couple of weeks and we've compiled a short list of names but have agreed we want to see what she looks like before committing to anything now.

My big issue however is that I'm getting quite hung up on the fact that I'm choosing a name for someone else, who has to go through their entire life with that name.

So, using a couple of names off our short list for illustration, this is what is going through my mind:

Choose a plain, safe 'normal' name like Robyn. Classic, inoffensive, totally acceptable by anyone in any situation as a real name, however I struggle to imagine any personality that goes with it. I have a really plain name, and I find it doesn't say anything about me, it's boring. I wish I had a more individual name. But could this be a benefit? She won't get any pre-judgement based on her name and can make it her own, if she's quiet and bookish or loud and outgoing she could carry anything off as her name doesn't imply anything about her.

Alternatively I could pick a much more unusual name such as Indiana. Rarely used and massively linked to a single character for pretty much all of my peers. I love that it's quirky, it sounds lovely with our surname, there are lots of nn options, and I can imagine what an 'Indiana' might be like. But will she feel it's a real drag because everyone automatically says 'Jones' when they hear her name, or it doesn't suit her personality as the image I have in my head probably won't be anything like who she turns out to be. Will people judge her (and us as her parents) for having a 'trashy/pop culture' name rather than a classic? Is it just my own longing for an interesting name that makes this option more appealing and if roles were reversed I'd be begging for something plainer!

Your opinions and experiences would be much appreciated! If you didn't use an 'exciting' name do you regret it? Or do you wish you'd gone for the safer option as you've received some negative responses to the name you picked? Do you ever feel awkward introducing your baby as something unusual?

I've tentatively discussed this with friends and family but it's so hard to know what people's real opinions are! Robyn gets 'that's nice', Indiana gets 'Jones' followed by 'that's pretty cool and I like it' (from my peers) or 'that's ridiculous' (from parents and older people). I'm just finding it so hard, as she'll be my baby for a few years but for most of her life she'll be a totally independent individual, so I want it to be her name, not my name if you see what I mean.

I totally get your dilemma... I'm due in August with my second and having huge issues choosing a name for a girl. My first daughter has got a name which is gaining massive popularity (totally accidentally - I genuinely thought it was completely unusual!) and I really, really want to avoid this again.

BUT - the way I see it, naming a baby is on the one hand an enormous responsibility and a total minefield but on the other hand not hugely important - beyond that initial first impression, I don't think a name really defines us. And DD's name really suits her so what does impending popularity really matter, anyway?!

I think the ideal is to try and find that magical balance somewhere between the two - not too 'plain and safe' and not too 'controversial'. I actually think Robyn kind of fits that bill - it's not hugely popular (IMO you're unlikely to get multiples in a classroom - it's not 'plain and safe' LIly or Evie or Olivia!) but it's still a recognised name. I think it's really beautiful.

Having said that, it's clear from your post that Indiana is your favourite. I don't think it's too out there, either. Incidentally, I taught an Indiana last year and I never once thought 'Jones'! She was known as 'Indi'.

OK.

There are lots of unusual names that are still names and have been names for a long time. You don't have to call your child either Jack or Olivia or Meribar or Hakluyt.

Life can be difficult. Why do something that might make your child's life even a tiny bit more difficult? It might well not make it more difficult- but why risk it? Remember if there are any problems with it, it won't be you who has to deal with it, it'll be your child.

An anecdote. My brother has 3 step children who were given very, very unusual names. When the eldest got to secondary school age he said he was going to change his. When asked, he said that no, nobody had ever bullied him or laughed at him and he actually quite liked the name- it was just so boring having to explain it every single time. And he was fed up of doing it.

It's clear from your post that you love the name Indiana. So use it! "Indi" is a cute nickname or she could use "Anna" if she wants a more common name.

I think your mistake is discussing it with other people and caring what they think. Stop discussing it and just announce the name after she's born. Even if people don't like it they will have to be polite and they will get used to it so after a while it will just be her name.

Perhaps using them both (one as a middle name) could buy you some time?

I have very common first name but an unusual middle name. My parents have always called me by my middle name, to the extent that I only realised I had another name when I was able to read my children's passport. It's a minor annoyance when I have to do admin, but otherwise not a problem.

My DD has a fairly unusual name - not particularly 'out there', but very uncommon in this country. People comment on it often and I have to spell it out pretty much every single time, but I am soooo glad we chose it. It suits her perfectly and she loves that she's the only one.
In contrast, my DS has a really, REALLY common name. I know half a dozen others just in our acquaintance circles. It does suit him, and I can't imagine him being called anything else, but I do wish it wasn't so common!
Having done it both ways, if we had another I would definitely try and go for a more uncommon name again. I agree with the others - it's so obvious that you prefer Indiana! It's a proper name (ie you didn't just make it up) and it's pretty cool imo. From your OP I think you'd regret playing it safe more than you would going a bit out there. I say go for it!

Is Indiana the name you want or is that just an example?

Some unusual names I like and would use, others I wouldn't. It's difficult to say without knowing the names .

If it's Indiana, I would use it fwiw. It's easy to spell and people would remember it. Some unusual names, a lot of people are just too lazy to learn, so they forget and say "oh her, what's her name? It's a bit like Sarah but isn't? The one with the red hair and pink handbag?" IME.

Thanks all for the feedback, it's really interesting. Yes Robyn and Indiana are probably our top two names from each category, also in the 'safe' list are Erica, Nina and Leanna/Lyanna, and in the more out there list are Callista, Emerald, Vesper and Athena. But DH and I don't necessarily like all those names equally, while we both really like the top two.
Yes I think the balance is really important - not top 10 and not a made up name, those are definitely out, but it's the finer balance once you get rid of those that I'm struggling with!

Some of my dc have unusual names. . One dd has never known anyone with her name. . She loves being different!!
She stopped a sales assistant in our supermarket to chat to her as her name badge was her name!!
Ds has an unusual name and his job as a chef has seen him poached from jobs as people remember his name as well as his cooking!!

I actually like Indiana (and Robyn fwiw).
It sounds nice, has a few nickname options and isn't 'made up'. I'm not sure the Jones connection would occur immediately and certainly wouldn't to her peers

I also like both Robyn and Indiana. I do wonder about the US state Indiana, but at least it would make her anonymous on the internet.

Also, some kids love being able to see their name in a TV show or film

I like both Robyn and Indiana the most from your name lists, I don't think they are too boring or too 'out there'

I know a little Indiana, 2 years old. The only Robyn I know is 30ish. I like both names but I think Indiana is 1) prettier 2) more interesting 3) has more personality 4) has more potential nicknames (does Robyn even have any??).

I definitely get the 'it's her name not my name' thing, but also, presumably you and her father are going to somewhat rub off on your child, so she, like you, might want/appreciate a more interesting name.

I think Indiana will be most popular than you think in a couple of years. I do actually know one. There were 79 in 2015 and it ranked 549th over all.

names.darkgreener.com/#indiana

The trend is steeply upward in gaining popularity. I think it will be even ore popular in the next statistics due in Aug and will continue to grow in popularity for a good while yet.

I personally think it safer than you think. It is generational, but older people will just get used to it through exposure.

Callista and Vesper definitely are in the out there category. But not Athena. Athena is bang on trend and is currently MORE popular than Indiana with 135 in 2015 and ranked 340th.

Robyn for a boy is unusual but the Robin spelling is currently sitting at 232th with 239 in 2015. The name is gaining in popularity at the moment, but that does look to have about peaked. It has been fairly consistent in popularity for the last twenty years. That's why its pretty uncontroversial, as its fairly timeless.

I'm of the opinion that a name in the 200th - 500th ranking area which is on the rise is a nice sweet spot. Its usual enough, but people like it and its of the moment. There will be people that don't like it, but its less controversial than you think. And whatever you pick someone won't like it.

I would compromise and go with exciting but safe.

Nina is by far the nicest name from your list.

Your other names:

Erica - 350th 118 babies in 2015
Emerald 2314th 11 babies in 2015
Nina 203rd 331 babies in 2015 (looks like it peaked in 2014)
Leanna 207th 19 babies in 2015 (definite trend that its declining in popularity - peaked in 1996 and then again in 2008).

Do check out names.darkgreener.com. The popularity of some names might surprise you.

Indiana is nice. It matches your need of being more interesting but is easy to spell with nice shortening options. Anything too outlandish would be mean.

Don't worry about the personality a name imparts. Your baby will make that name her own. It won't be anything like you're imagining it right now, and whatever you decide you'll love it because it's hers.

I know an Indi. Love it

Nina is cool and not common if you wanted a compromise?

Love all your names except Leanna.

Robyn is beautiful.
Nina is great, really vivacious and I have always like Calista. You could have Cally as a diminutive which is so sweet.
Indiana is very cool but I am not sure I'd use it for a girl as I think of boy for some reason. Indie / India is on our very short shortlist if this third and final one is a boy

Congratulations whatever you decide!

Ours have unusual names, one very much so. However - we made sure there were good short forms which were easy to spell and say. Plus, with very unusual name, a middle name alternative it would be easy for them to swap to.

I think if you go unusual, you've got a duty to give them alternatives!

I love Callista and Nina. Not so keen on the others. Leanne sounds dated. Erica just doesn't sound pretty. Robyn is quite nice. Indiana makes me think of Harrison Ford.

I vote Calista.

Hey, that's Mrs Ford's name, isn't it?

I have two kids. They both have unusual names. The first has his dad's name as a middle name (but his first name isn't easily shortenable) the second has a crazy middle name that I was obsessed with while pregnant, and an unusual first name that can be easily shortened to something common.

Neither of them have any problems, and if they ever do, its only 35 quid for an official deed poll (OK, so they go to an international school, so almost every kid has an unusual name to my ears - but when they were at school in the UK their names didn't stand out either - this is multicultural Britain after all)

YY to an unusual first name (preferably with nickname options) and a more classic middle name. Then they can use a nickname or the middle name if they prefer.