AIBU .. my father other OH father .. name wars

[MrsWakey269]

We are currently expecting baby no.2 at the end of June and have been having some issues choosing names. We are quite set on first names for girl and boy that isn't the issue but when it comes to a middle name for a boy the arguments begin. I lost my dad when I was 18 and we were really close and I was always my daddy's girl and my OH knows this and witnessed the bond we had for a short while before he passed. We have agreed (under some of my duress) that the name variation I had originally liked has been vetoed but now every time I mention my dads name as the middle name my OH response is 'what about my dad?' To which I respond both our children have your dads surname. OH gets defensive and shuts off and says he doesn't want to talk about it just now. AIBU to think this is a silly argument and that I am fair in what I say about surname and middle name

Did your dad have a middle name or could you use your maiden name as a middle name?

I think you dh and in-laws are being selfish twats. They are all still alive. Your dad who you were extremely close to is not. You must 100% have Malcolm and no other names as the middle name. Stand your ground. I am getting angry writing this as I just think they are being so heartless. I absolutely love that my daughter has my dead mum's middle name. It makes me so happy when I have to use the whole name as I feel my daughter has that connection to the wonderful lady she never got to meet. If my dh had in any way disagreed with that (other than hating the name itself possibly) I would have lost my shit at him. Agh I'm so annoyed for you! Eat chocolate for courage then tell your dh that Malcolm as a middle name means the world to you and you will not be budging. Maybe say he can pick the first name (as long as it's not his dad's!).

Also the Elsie-Ann instead of Elsie Ann is reidicyloys!!!

I swear to god deciding middle names is much harder than deciding first names.

My DS has my late dad's first name as a middle name, I put my foot down on that because DSD has MiL's name so it's not like 'his side' is missing out on a family name in their grandkids and also both his parent's are still alive.

We could only give one family name as a middle name because the other middle name had a special connection to us as a couple.

This time around, if we have a daughter then most likely be my mum's middle name as her middle name (because my mum's middle name is much nicer than her first name) and if we have a son he would have FIL's name.

I'm not having a third child to even out the distribution of middle names

Sorry but am I correct in thinking that your DH doesn't want to use your much beloved deceased dads name as a middle name in case it insults his very much alive father. I would be fuming if I were you. Dhs dad passed away young and we named ds after him. I never knew my late fil but he sounded like a wonderful man and I know my dh really feels his passing especially now that we have children.

My dad's name will probably be a middle name for our son. I haven't 100% decided, but not only has my DP had two former chances to name his sons after his father, he insists that his name be the name before the surname. So he gets his name or his dad's name, up to him! Hoping very much he chooses his name because his dad's name next to my dad's name = a nursery rhyme. Think birds that are encouraged to fly away...

I hope you get the outcome you're after OP, if it helps at all, I think your DP is being very selfish and his DF should clearly be able to see why your DF would be honoured in the name. His DF is honoured enough to be around to be in the life of your baby.

Dead father being remembered definitely trumps alive dad being possibly upset- he should be flipping grateful he is alive to enjoy his grandchild. Yanbu at all.

His dad's still alive, that would be my point. jI refused to name any of our children after anyone living.

I think you are being reasonable, OP. Good luck.

Finally managed to catch up on the new messages and the 'conversation' still goes on. Dh is not against using my dads name but still wants to have his dads name in there as well but hasn't actually gone into detail of how he think this should be done. He emailed me late one night during his night shift to discuss the matter and he seems to find this easier (he was not raised to talk about things very well so prefers non-contact conversations - can be frustrating for me who is opposite) saying he wanted to honour and remember both fathers which is fine but I quite bluntly put it to him that his father is not dead and you dont honour someone who is not dead to which his reply was but he won't be here forever. I have been pushing the whole FIL will be happy to have a grandson to carry on family name I.e. Surname which DH agrees but still pushes the actually use of his dads first name and I just don't get it! Seem like 3 steps forward and 2 steps back. I took matters into my own hands at latest consulting appointment and asked to check sex of baby and have it written down so that if we decided to know I can just call midwife. So now we have that option and it's becoming more and more viable but I was so dead set on not finding out again 😡😡😡😡😡