Question about official names v nicknames

[Bellabelloo]

My husband and I have finally agreed on a name we both like. It's been tough! Ha! Each of us seem to know a complete wally with the name that the other person likes and it's hard to shake that association.

The only conflict now is whether we just go with the nickname officially...or the traditional full name which I think sounds really pretentious. If we go for the full name but rarely use it, would he have to be officially registered as that at school etc and called that on the register, school teams etc or could we just register him with the nickname and he'd be known as that? I don't want him to be teased! And then it can be up to him what he does in the future!

Our school has a 'known as' option when filling in forms. And when I was at school I told them on the first day that I preferred the shortened version and it sticks!

So many Kate/Katherine's etc - it will easily work if you use the long version and call them the short version!

Alternatively. Our DS is called Bertie - we just didn't like Albert. So he's bertie.

I'm usually very much on the team pro 'official name' on the bc. But I do think it depends on the name/the nn.

We have DD a full name as it's quite a serious, sensible name - good for a professional setting when she grows up.

We always refer to her by her nn. It's slightly jarring when her is called by her full name (e.g. at the doc surgery) but by giving her the options we have afforded her more
flexibility to choose how she wants to be addressed when she is an adult/older child.

PS dying to know what name and nn you've chosen!

Depended what the name is

Fred v Frederick, either work at main name

Flick v Felicity, Flick is fine as a nickname but daft formally

A friend called her son Charlie but Charles on his bc - 'in case he wants to be a solicitor'

My parents chose my nickname, put the full version on the bc and I had an argument with the HT in reception who kept calling me this name that wasn't me! He got the register in the end to prove it to me

The official version was only ever used at school, I found it a bit alienating really (they didn't do known as back then) and I dropped it the day I left school. Tbh would have been easier all round to just stick with the nickname. Occasionally it appears on official forms at work and colleagues not in the know wander round trying to find out who this person is that there's a letter for. They're usually quite shocked to find it's me!

Agree with PPs, do the official name for her sake and then call her what you like. DS2, has this and school were very obliging with calling him his short name.

As long as it's a normal shortening then I would go with the long version on the BC. Loads of children are Benjamin known as Ben, for example. DD has one of those names and is universally known by the common shortening with no issues.

DD's name is Clarissa, which I genuinely like. Buuut some people have given her an absolutely awful nickname.

Which makes me kind of wish we had called her Clary on the bc, I think that would have been less likely to be shortened.

I would go for the full name- pretty much all schools have a 'known as' or 'preferred name' section when you register and it's on the UCAS form when applying to uni. It just gives him more options later!
Dying to know what the name/nn is now...

Am scared to say because so many people on here are so horrible about other people's name choices!

But I really appreciate the help. Think we'll go with the full name on the birth certificate if we can register him at school etc under his nickname.

I have a child with a nickname which is used day to day. We expected to use his birth certificate name but the nickname developed naturally and has nothing to do with his real name (think Christopher and Ace). He answers to both but if you ask him he'll say his name is Ace.

Preschool use Christopher on paperwork like registers and reports, and Ace to address him and label his "artwork" etc. We expect this to continue into school.

So actually I'd give different advice from what I'd have said before my "Ace" came along: children don't know that eg Chris comes from Christopher and Ace doesn't. Nowadays people give their children nicknames without birth certificate names far more than they did when we were babies. If you genuinely think you'll only ever use the short version and you don't particularly like the long version, I'm not sure what you gain by using it.

And after all that you might end up calling him Bear or something and where will your long and short names be then?

Depends on the name.

I know a Charlie and a Tommy (in fact I know 2 of each) who have that name on birth certificate. No longer version.

I also know people with a Christopher (Kit) and a Joseph (Joe)

I personally have a loathing for given names and nicknames. Nicknames evolve. Otherwise aren't you just being greedy and picking 2 names

All mine are known by the short versions of their longer names.

On school forms etc I write ..Edward James - known as Ned.. and underline Ned

So what crunchy? I like the fact that my children have a couple of choices they can use. I don't think being 'greedy' is the case, what an odd way to look at it.

I love a long name that can be shortened and neither of my dc are called by their full names.

I have an Alexander James and and Oliver. Daily, called AJ and Ollie.

Ollie was no issue at school - we've never even provided a known as, 'Ollie' was just picked up by teachers and used.

AJ is obviously a completely different name but we've still had no issues. He's down officially as 'Alexander' on the register but we added a known as name. At the Dr's etc, he's inevitably asked 'How are you Alexander' and now happily says to people 'Great thanks, you can call me AJ' himself (age 8).

You don't "register them at school by their nickname," you register them by their formal name and indicate what you want them to be "known as" on another part of the form. Every school I've worked in or my children have attended has been happy to call children by their "known as" name, but you do need their full name on the school's records, especially as they get older and start taking external exams.

The only problems I've ever come across have been when children decide they want to shorten their names, especially to something non-obvious, partway through their school careers. Unless the parents make a point of formally adding the "known as" to their records at that stage, it sometimes ends up that some teachers shorten and some don't, usually depending on how stuffy they are in general.