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Baby names

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Original poster

Arguments over surnames?!

18 replies

allie836 · 12/12/2016 01:24

I am pregnant and starting to think about names for my baby. Without thinking ahead too much, me and my partner have been talking about surnames. Although we have been together 2 years on and off, we both come from broken families (fathers wanted nohing and no contact) and this is why I want to give the baby both of our surnames. He has his fathers surname which is in the process of changing so you would think we would understand where I am coming from. I do not want to possibly end up regretting giving my baby his name only. Plus I think a lot about schooling etc. I don't really want me and the baby to have different names because it will be me dealing moreso with school. He on the other hand is determined that it should only be his name. Am I over reacting or should I stand my ground?

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Cuppaqueen · 12/12/2016 02:13

Stand your ground. You are the mother of this baby and the surname choice is equally your decision. Given you aren't married, you could have chosen to simply give the baby your surname - I think using both is the ideal compromise. Ask him to give you one good, practical reason why you shouldn't.

FWIW I am married but chose not to take my husband's surname. We're now expecting our first child and he will have both our surnames. My husband is entirely supportive but even if he wasn't, that's still what would be happening!!

JenLindleyShitMom · 12/12/2016 02:18

Absolutely stand your ground! There is no reason at all why your baby should not have both your surnames. What on earth is his objection to that?

ITCouldBeWorse · 12/12/2016 02:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoreThanUs · 12/12/2016 02:32

If he doesn't want your DC having both surnames, they can have just your surname. It's a simple as that. Don't compromise on this one. Citing tradition in these circumstances is hysterical!
Given you've been on / off for two years, once a baby here, its statistically highly likely he won't be around that long. Stick to your guns.

nooka · 12/12/2016 02:39

I think you need to stand your ground, choices are your surname alone or both surnames. It doesn't sound as if your relationship is that stable, and as you are anticipating being primary care giver having your surname may be quite important to you.

WhereYouLeftIt · 12/12/2016 04:15

"we have been together 2 years on and off"
Definitely stand your ground. Both names or only yours, no other options.

"He on the other hand is determined that it should only be his name."
And the reason is ... ? Smacks of treating the baby as 'territory' to be identified as his by pissing his surname all over it. Just no.

Rainbowqueeen · 12/12/2016 04:18

Tell him that traditionally a baby has the mothers surname. If a couple were married then it also happened to be the fathers surname.

Otherwise it just didn't happen.

stand your ground, you have offered a sensible compromise

NinjaLeprechaun · 12/12/2016 04:26

"we both come from broken families (fathers wanted nohing and no contact) and this is why I want to give the baby both of our surnames."
If you present this as a sort of "I want the baby to have my name in case you do a runner" option I can see why he'd view it as a bit insulting. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you wanting the baby to have your name (as well) though, for a variety of reasons.

SorenaJ · 12/12/2016 08:15

Stand your ground. Why on earth should the baby have his surname, but not yours? If he doesn't give in, just give the baby your surname.

Enidblyton1 · 12/12/2016 08:34

You are not overreacting.
As you are not married, the baby should have your surname.

PoldarksBreeches · 12/12/2016 14:42

Stand your ground. It is quite likely you will end up separating (most couples do, and being on and off already doesn't bode well) so why wouldn't you give the baby yours?

Purplebluebird · 12/12/2016 15:18

Definitely stick with both!! Stand your ground for sure. We did a x-y name for our son, and are very happy about it.

raviolidreaming · 12/12/2016 18:17

Tell him that traditionally a baby has the mothers surname. If a couple were married then it also happened to be the fathers surname

Exactly this!

BingThing · 12/12/2016 19:01

Stand our ground. I'm not married and my 2 children have my partners name which I now regret. We're going to separate but it is invariably you who'll end up dealing with doctors, schools etc and it's not nice having a different name from your children. I think your compromise is more than reasonable! Unless he wants to get married?

BingThing · 12/12/2016 19:03

Sorry should be we are NOT going to separate!!

EllaHen · 12/12/2016 19:06

Stand your ground. In fact, give the baby your surname with your dp's as a middle name.

Who the fuck does he think he is?

Oysterbabe · 12/12/2016 19:15

Absolutely give the baby your name.

EweAreHere · 12/12/2016 19:37

I would stand your ground. Why is his name more important than yours? It's not.

Both names or your name only.

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