"Stealing" baby names

[Fayaa]

Alright, so I have just been accused of 'stealing' my DB and SIL's baby name (almost 4 years ago, might I add). I didn't know that this was a thing. How does anyone have claim on a name? Please, tell me.

I have 2 questions for you:

1. Have you ever "stolen" a name? Tell me about it? Do you feel bad?

2. Has anyone ever "stolen" a name from you? Do you still resent this person? What was the situation?

Background (in case you're interested): SIL and I were pregnant at the same time. I was living abroad. She was having a boy, I was having girls. SIL didn't ever want to discuss names with me (claims we did). I named one of my DDs Valentina, she named her son Edward and I never heard anything about it for almost 4 years. She is now 5 mo pregnant with another boy and had a bit of a hysterical sobbing session at my mum's today because she has "run out" of boys names after I "stole" hers. Pregnancy hormones and everything are intense so I'm not offended or too worried, I don't think. Apparently SIL wanted to name her DS Valentine after mine and DB's grandfather. I also would have named DD Valentine should I have had boys, but didn't. I'm just confused. I didn't think to ask her before naming my children, should I have? I don't have many mum friends and definitely didn't at the time. Just wondering both for my conscience and because I'm now interested into how others feel about this situation

could *understand your brother

I have not but I have two friends, one very close who was and still (10 years later) cross that friend 2 stole her DS name , there is only a couple of years between the DC. We did all think it very odd that friend 2 used the same name.

We have a two family names in our family which have been used in the last 2 and present generations. No one is offended because they are all trying to honor the same people. For instance I have an uncle and 2 cousins who all have the same name.

Your brother and SIL can still use it if they really wanted to.

VU to claim rights to any name, IMO. Though I agree it can be a bit confusing if you all live close by and see each other a lot.

Dh of a colleague of mine insisted on his son being named after him, and then that son named his own first son ditto - 3 of them! I think it'd drive me a bit bonkers, never mind the kids not having their 'own' names.

Recently in this extended family, two first cousins have given their babies the same name, but they live quite a distance from each other and don't meet very often.

When DD was stuck for a name for no 2 that she and her dh could agree on, and was asking for suggestions, I mentioned one that had just occurred to me. She said she really liked it, but couldn't use it since her friend X had called her baby that - X lives in Australia!

I didn't mention that name again, so was surprised after no 2 arrived that they decided to use it after all.

What always baffles me about these stealing baby names threads is the fact that people so often seem to have big, generalised discussions with friends and family about names they are considering for their unborn (and sometimes unconceived, and unlikely to be conceived for some time!) children. DH and I only talked about what to call our son during the last few weeks of the pregnancy and the first anyone else knew of it was after he was born and we sent around a text to say little X had arrived and weighted eight pounds.

The sense of entitlement to a name, especially for a child who may not be conceived for years to come, if ever, is pretty weird (I can honestly say that before I got pregnant I had never sat about thinking in the abstract about baby names) but then, so is the 'consulting group' approach to naming!

Incidentally, I knew a Valentine when I was at school (not UK) - he was devilishly handsome, freakishly macho, and got into a lot of fights.

I can honestly say that before I got pregnant I had never sat about thinking in the abstract about baby names

I do exactly that. It's called dreaming / longing or whatever.

But would your 'dreaming or longing' translate into you making a general announcement to pregnant friends and family that you were reserving the name X for your future offspring and would they be sure not to use it???

No one owns a name. If she wants to call her kid the same as yours, she can - even if they are cousins

But would your 'dreaming or longing' translate into you making a general announcement to pregnant friends and family that you were reserving the name X for your future offspring and would they be sure not to use it???

Absolutely not.

If a friend or relative picked a name I liked and I then had a baby if I wanted to use the name I would and explain, well I always did like the name, great taste etc.

But certainly not say a word if anyone else was using it. There is no one name I absolutely must use, so I wouldnt have that issue anyway.

Why can't she just use Valentine anyway?

My niece and my ds have very similar names. Jesse and Jessica. Both get called Jess and no one bats an eye!

We have agreed with my DB not to use a specific boys name as he and DSIL have their hearts set on it.

Do your's and SIL's dc see a lot of each other? If not I don't see why she can't just use the name anyway.