Middle name for girl - MIL's mum's name?

[TheMshipIsBack]

DH and I have settled on Tamsin as a first name for our baby girl, due in a few weeks. We'd like her middle name to be May, for DH's grandmother (his mum's mum), who died when DH was a child so I never met her, but all his family talks about her with such love. We haven't told anyone the names, although we did say baby was a girl. This is our second child and we hadn't found out the gender with DS, nor did we tell anyone our names until he was born, but there wasn't the same family connection - just DH's first name was used as DS's middle name, which is traditional on both sides of the family.

It's just occurred to me, after reading some of the threads about relatives being upset about the use of deceased family member's names for new babies, should we ask MIL if it is ok with her to use her mum's name? We never thought it would be more than a nice surprise, but maybe that was inconsiderate and she should be asked.

I think middle names are less likely to upset.

Once you've had your little one, tell your MIL her first name and then say you'd like to use May as her middle name after your GMIL and would that be ok with her? Then you still get the surprise and the chance to not use it if it upsets her.

TBH, I'd be more worried about it becoming some kind of name war between both sides of the family, with yours wondering why no name from your side was used. (Unless you have, I mean.)

its a way in which for her to be celebrated, so I like the idea. However, I would maybe seek council off a couple of close family members first just to be sure

I used my (dead) grandads name for my DS's middle name, I didn't tell or ask my grandmother beforehand but she was delighted with the choice. I think you are safe with this one to be honest, most people would see it as a tribute, which it was is our case.

Thanks everyone, appreciate the contributions.

HeavyFrost Happily not a problem - my DB's son has me and DB's dad's name as part of his, so he's already got one grandson with his name, and mum has always said she dislikes both of her names, so I will respect that and not pass either on. Neither of my own names really go with Tamsin and there aren't any other family members to whom I would pay that sort of tribute.

Melonaire That's a good way of going about it, thank you very much for that suggestion. MIL and FIL will almost certainly be baby's first visitors so we can ask then, and just tell everyone else that we haven't settled on a middle name.

Missmonkey I think I may take your advice too . DH and I are close to MIL's oldest (and favourite) sister, and she'd know for sure.

I love Tamsin BTW. Great choice.

I've got a Tamsin :) Great name. I can't imagine MIL would be anything but touched and happy at your choice but if you are not sure, why not sound her out? You don't have to say precisely what you are thinking but you could have a general chat about using old family names.

Nice name and you sound lovely OP.