Name regret or PND?

[Fantasiaglitz23]

My DD is coming up to 3 months and we had such a hard time agreeing on a name and I'm abit uneasy about posting about it as I know there will always be a split opinion on it. Anyway we named her under pressure and it just wasn't sitting right and we chose to change it to a name we kept coming back to throughout pregnancy. The reason why I didn't automatically choose this is because it was similar and only 1 letter off from my nieces name. I love the name and I don't think I could bare to change it again but I feel like I've done my daughter a huge injustice which is leading me to think that this might be something more than name regret. I'm the only person in my family who is at odds with this my darling neice thinks I've changed our babies name because we love her so much which is sweet bless her. I don't even know what I'm asking here but I just need some advice, on either cousins growing up with similar names or name regret and whether it gets easier or suffering from PND I don't know.

Thanks in advance x

I'm sorry, I don't know much personally about PND, but if you love the name and loved it throughout your pregnancy then I think you've made the right choice. And it seems your family (not that it matters anyway) and your niece love it too. What does your DP think?

He always wanted the name, he had final say in the end. It's just me who can't get to grips with everything. She wasn't registered or anything when we made the switch I'm just so consumed with worry that she'll grow up and think we had no imagination whatsoever. I'm also sane enough to know that there are bigger things to worry about my daughter is everything she's perfect in every way I'm just in a shock that I've been feeling so down and I seem to be obsessing over this matter x

I had PND and remember feeling obsessed. It's exhausting, isn't it?

Do you have a GP you can talk to? Mine was really good. If you don't, then ask to speak to your midwife.

I really don't think your daughter's going to think you had no imagination - seriously, she won't give it another thought.

I'm worried about going to see my GP if I'm being honest, I don't even know what I'd say. I really just feel like I've taken 10 steps back I'm not usually an indecisive person and just feel like I've gone against every naming rule I ever had. I just didn't think past my front door in the end of you see what I mean, feel bad for my poor mum who now has 2 granddaughters with identical names never mind but at the same time I know it's only me who's struggling at the minute that's why I'm starting to think maybe I should talk to someone x

It sounds like you do need to see someone to have a chat. GP, health visitor, midwife?

Please give your health visitor a call. Pnd is very common and they are trained and experienced in helping mums and dads with pnd to recover and feeling like their old self. It's hard to do it on your own and pnd is such an awful thing to suffer with alone. Hv will be more helpful than your gp as can see you at home and spend much more time with you. Your not alone in how you feel. The sooner you talk about it the sooner you can feel better.

Thank you, my HV did the test thing on me last time and he knew all what was going on but just kept encouraging me to go out and talk to family etc. but all the overthinking and wondering whether I've done right by daughter is starting to make me feel drained. My partner is one of those get out of bed and get on with life type of people and I am aswell to an extent but I seem to cope better with problems that I can't control and I think because I did have control over this name thing I've just been fixated on it. I realise how crazy that's making me sound x

We have 3 called Ben if you count cousins and uncles and another if you include a dog there is Big Ben, little Ben (who is now bigger than Big Ben), baby Ben and, well, the Dog. It can be confusing but mainly it's just one of those family oddities that no one thinks about much. My family actually has a lot of imagination so that's not the reason.
I think that if it's a name you love then stick with it and it won't be an issue for long, if at all.
As for PND, do talk to the GP they are experienced with new mums and know what to look out for, you shouldn't have to explain yourself.

I know deep down it was the right name I was drawn to it in more ways than one I don't know why. It's a fairly common name, and I know she'll meet others, same with my son he's first name last name in his class cos there's about 10 of them lol. It's just so many people have opinions on cousins sharing or having similar names I never thought it was an issue until I googled it (I shouldn't Google things!) which has only fed the obsession. I'm definitely sticking with the name I haven't come across another name I love and as I said DP loves it, older son slightly confused and calling her the first name we chose, cousins name and then her name ???? poor lad!

Jesus, Fantasia, never Google anything. You'll discover you have done things it never occurred to you are unforgivable, and probably diagnose yourself with a terminal illness to boot.

This isn't really about the name, is it? Escalate things beyond the 'chatting to family' stage with your HV or GP. The newborn stage can feel like a bomb has gone off in your life.

I agree with above I think you need to go back to hv and say you've spoken to family but your need feeling better. I'm a hv and honestly there so much we can do to support you, please make the most of it and don't suffer in silence.

Agree that fixating on this name business is perhaps a symptom of something else.

But for the sake of argument it has often happened with families that cherished names are selected and repeated and it doesn't pose a problem.

DP loves it so you and he are the ones that count.

Your little girl will grow up with her name and be used to it, she'll find it completely natural.

Many children go through a phase later of wanting to be called something far-fetched or other family members adopt a pet name. Sometimes nicknames evolve. That just happens; it won't be a criticism of what you call her.

Your niece is chuffed with you choosing a name similar to hers and your mum is happy with another grandchild and won't confuse the children so please don't fret about what you picked.

Now back to the bigger question of how you feel. It can be overwhelming whether this is a first or second (or third etc) baby. Please don't worry anyone will think less of you for asking for extra support, when you doubt yourself it's tough trying to put on a brave front. Keep talking and see what the doctor says.

Thank you so much everyone for taking the time to read my post and for all your kind words. I was abit unsure whether to post on here because I've come across a few other threads relating to this name sharing business and people have ended up not using the names they love because of similarities with family members. But yeah I think you're all right I do need to speak to someone other than family, I suppose I'm just scared because it's not that I'm not coping my children mean the world to me and they are in the most caring and loving environment I just can't stop beating myself up, it's just not like me. My sister did point something out to me that I never really thought of she said the normal me wouldn't give a crap and that's very true and when I think back to when I had my first I was so convinced I could do it all my own didn't want help from anyone and I suppose that can be the flip side to PND can't it to the way I'm feeling this time round, maybe I've always had it x

I can't say, but I can tell you this. I was in a relationship with an abusive controlling critical man when my children were born, and named. I think, I knew that I'd get free and start again but I also knew that they'd always have the names he chose for them, as well as his sur name! I obsessed over it for years, even after I left. I think you are wise to at least consider that the problem is not the names themselves. I don't mind about my children's names now, they're nice names. They always were, they just weren't exactly what I'd have chosen. But it's no biggie and it doesn't matter to them or to me now.

I'm so sorry to hear that you where in an abusive relationship Urbane Fox and glad you have come through it with your children, you sound really strong. See the sane me knows that these children would never question any decision we've made because I know me and my partner are a unit were best friends and everything we do is for them, but at the moment I know if I don't find help from something we're all going to miss out because of something silly. One of my biggest fears is this getting out of hand and us separating xxx

Hi Fantasia

If it helps even a little bit, my DH's brother has a cousin with the same name as him, and to my knowledge it has never caused a moment's thought for either of them! Bear in mind that only when they're little, and only within the family will the cousins ever be thought of 'together'. Outside of the family and when they're grown up they'll be individuals, as they should be, and nobody will ever give it a second's thought.

x

Ps.. Please go speak to your GP if you feel like it's becoming more to you than it should. It's worrying that you're thinking as far as the issue causing a separation! x

Thank you, no I'm worried that if I am suffering from PND that it will start to make us unhappy and I would hate for us to fall apart x

Take things one step at a time. Having a baby is a time when you feel very vulnerable. YOu may never feel that the success of the relationship is as important as you feel it is right now! So don't worry about the future, because in the future you might be able to shrug over things that seem overwhelming in their importance right now.
I'm not saying that you shouldn't bother to communicate well, be considerate to each other, find time for each other etc etc, but that's not just down to you.

If you're happy now and strong now then don't worry too much about the future. Take it one week at a time!

PND can manifest itself in strange ways. Before I had the second child, I obsessed over the gender! My real problem was that I was having a second child with an abusive man but I got all caught up in the gender of the second child. So transference, smoke and mirrors, hormones, they can play tricks.

I took anti-depressants for a short while. Everything began to seem clearer.

Thank you so much Urbane Fox for your kind words. I'm going to speak with my HV and see if I can get some help. If I'm being honest with myself this has been going on a lot longer than I'd like to admit, I've been terrified from the moment I found out I was pregnant again about silly things really I was convinced she was a boy even though docs kept saying girl I didn't really believe them. Then obvious worries like would I cope with 2 would my eldest think I wasn't spending enough time with him, juggling work and keeping the business going, then a family member falling ill. I've just had so much going on I think I've burnt myself out so I'm going to get help xxx

Hi OP, I'm so glad to hear you've decided to get some help. I suffered from PND and I know how hard it is to take the plunge and tell someone how you're feeling. It's the hardest bit, but once it's out in the open, you can start to get well and you will be able to start enjoying your little one properly. Good luck and please PM me if you fancy a chat with someone who has been there and come out the other side

Good for you. You can't really address any thing if the things you're feeling anxious about aren't the things that aren't right. So who knows, a chat with a professional or a course of SSRIs (did me the world of good although I know some are always against) and you will see what you need to change in order to reduce the various anxieties.