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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

Help Please??

35 replies

vintagerosesxo · 31/08/2015 15:59

So, I am a few years off from having kids, but, I'm having quite the problem with my lists.

I love the name Betty, and have done for quite a while now. The only thing is, my best friend of four years, who I usually take my name lists to and discuss names with first, is very upset with me and mad at me for wanting to use it. Her grandmother, who passed away when she was 12 (she's now almost 23) was named Elizabeth but went by Betty and Bet, and for about two years now, she's actually called me insensitive, disrespectful, heartless, and tried to talk me out of using it, because of this. I do love Betsy, but she still thinks that it's close to Betty and bordering on disrespectful, and she loathes Bessie, so I sort of gave up the fight.

I mentioned this all the other day and asked her if like, she was ok about it now, and she said yes, and that she didn't remember calling me anything the previous times I mentioned it, and apologised. Then, today, during a fight about how I feel that she disrespects my feelings and my name lists and everything, she said that she was lying then because it was what I wanted to hear (apparently), and again, that I'm disrespectful.

So, then I opened my mouth and said "well she wasn't my grandmother...", and apparently now I'm heartless, disrespectful, and about 19 other things. I'm still confused though...

This is my best friend who's opinion I do usually value highly. She's calling me heartless and disrespectful, but I really don't know how I am? Her grandmother died long before she and I met, and I've always found the name Betty cute, but I feel like I'm being controlled at the moment. I didn't mean to disrespect her with what I said, but I am seriously frustrated by the fact that she is so quick to call me things like that over a name, when, if she were to use Bonnie or Valerie (my grandmothers), I wouldn't have a problem at all.

Am I really being disrespectful and heartless because I want to use the name Betty, or is she being irrational?

OP posts:

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Boardingblues · 31/08/2015 16:26

When you say you are a few years off having kids, is that because you are 12?

Boardingblues · 31/08/2015 16:30

Mind you, I do think it would be really disrespectful and heartless to pick either Betty or Betsy if you have a boy.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 31/08/2015 16:31

Why are you concerned about names, when you're a few years off from having kids? What if the child's father wants to use a family name? What if you have a boy? What if your taste changes? What if name fashion changes? What if you never have kids?

You are being ridiculous.

Original poster

vintagerosesxo · 31/08/2015 16:59

I'm not 12...I'm nearly 20, and I am a few years off from having kids, but I'm also planning?.....And this would be for a girl, obviously....?

OP posts:

nhkamptz · 31/08/2015 17:52

Come back and post when you're pregnant with a girl and this is an actual issue. As MrsLeigh said, there are LOTS of scenarios that could make this a non-issue down the road. Why stress now?

BikeRunSki · 31/08/2015 17:57

You are 20, not planning a baby and you have name lists and discuss them with your best friend????

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 31/08/2015 18:07

You're way over thinking things here.
You could have a boy.
You might not even be friends with this women by the time you have you children
You'll probably change you mind about the name by then anyway
Your partner may not like the name
TBH. It's not the nicest name out there

wigglesrock · 31/08/2015 18:13

So nobody in this story is actually pregnant? For the love of God, relax, you both are actually creating drama for the sake of it.

scatterthenuns · 31/08/2015 18:34

Yeah just leave this alone. Neither of you may have girls, or even children for that matter. No point fighting over thin air.

susurration · 31/08/2015 18:54

Write them down in a notebook, forget having conversations with people, come back to it when you're actually pregnant. Drop the drama, life will be much better.

Hassled · 31/08/2015 18:58

How is this even an issue? When you're 8 months pregnant with a girl, then it can be an issue.

SmugairleRoin · 31/08/2015 22:10

Do what I did and write them down in notebooks, then forget about them for years. Bonus of that is you can laugh at the names you picked in years to come! When I was 18 I was all set on having a daughter named October Rose...

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 31/08/2015 22:17

Stop having actual arguments with your BFF over the name of babies that don't exist yet. Barking.

GloriaHotcakes · 31/08/2015 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

reuset · 31/08/2015 22:25

So, I am a few years off from having kids, but, I'm having quite the problem with my lists.

You've done lists years before Why?

reuset · 31/08/2015 22:27

As somebody else said, it's not worth arguing about right now. Postpone the discussion for a few years!

LibrariesGaveUsP0wer · 31/08/2015 22:29

Oh for goodness sake. Get a grip and stop arguing.

You may never have kids. One or both of you.

You may not have girls.

You may have lost contact when you do.

Your partner may hate the name.

Vixxfacee · 31/08/2015 22:33

This thread is hilarious. You both sound ridiculous. Betty and betsy are both horrible and yes it would be wrong for you to use the name. It doesn't matter anyway as neither of you are pregnant.

scatterthenuns · 31/08/2015 22:37

At 19, do you even have a partner for life? Will you be considering his name choices too?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 31/08/2015 22:38

I feel like I'm reading a thread about 2 four year old babies playing house and they're arguing over what to call their dolls.

johnImonlydancing · 31/08/2015 22:46

This is ridiculous. What everyone else said: wait till you actually have any intention of sprogging up before worrying about it! I used to do this (make lists of names) when I was 14, grew out of it well before 20. Next baby name list I made was when I was actually pregnant. Honestly, get a hobby.

redshoeblueshoe · 31/08/2015 22:47

Iliveinalighthouse I think your right

CosmicDespot · 31/08/2015 22:49

Do people actually make baby name lists when they're not actually pregnant? What on earth for?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 31/08/2015 22:58

Have to confess Cosmic me and DP have a list, but we are TTC

StevieJo · 31/08/2015 23:04

I agree that you shouldn't allow a name to start a major argument when neither of you is pregnant but lots of people think about names/make lists before they're pregnant...I'm about 4-5 years off fertility treatment and with medical issues it may not even work but I still like to look at, think about and discuss names/combos and have since I was 14. I don't see anything wrong with that but again I would never start an argument over any name until I am actually pregnant and know the gender.

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