Regret over dd's name

[LaNomDeChange]

Dd is not that far off turning 2 but I still worry that I got it wrong. Her name is Lila, pronounced Lyla. My main concerns are that the pronunciation is confusing and that it's too feminine.

I knew that pronounciation could be an issue before she was born but I just preferred to spell it the way we did. I didn't realise it would worry me so much.

A few months after dd was born I read that Taylor Swift's parents named her Taylor because it's unisex and wouldn't hold her back if she chose a corporate career. Then I read about a man with a feminine sounding name who got a lot more interviews once he changed the name on his cv to a more masculine sounding one. Ever since finding that out I feel like I've reduced dd's chance of getting a successful career. I can't stop worrying and it's too late to change.

I come from the opposite side of the same worry. I wanted my DD to have a name that didn't shout out the gender, partly because I'm not a very feminine person and partly because I wanted her to be judged on merit, not gender. But I wobbled about her name right up until she reached 3, I think. I worried that her name wasn't as pretty as the other nursery girls. That she'd be sad about that. Then she suddenly became her name and I couldn't imagine her being anything else. FWIW, DD (4) loves her name. And that made all the difference too. I think in a year's time, you'll suddenly feel an awful lot better! And Lila is a lovely name. Not too frilly at all.

Reading to her is a great way to engage her, widen her language

I have an unusual, very feminine name.

I'm doing well in a male dominated area of a male dominated industry. I'm known for being pretty tough and highly competent at work.

I've never had a problem getting interviews.

I've given my daughter a very unusual, highly feminine name.

She's only 7 yo but I can tell you, she so completely amazing she is going to rock whichever career she chooses.

Ps if your wee girl is 2 yo she already learned most of the words she'll need to know for the next little while, they are in her head already, even if they haven't come out her mouth yet. Plus you won't be teaching her all by yourself, there will be a whole host of family, friends, Playgroup, teachers, Cbeebies etc for her to learn from.

It's all good, don't stress.

Ps Lila is a fabulous name.

I think Lila is a really pretty name.

If you're worried about the pronunciation not being how the name looks you could always change the spelling to Lyla before your daughter learns to recognise her name written down.

To be honest I would pronounce Lila as Lee-la and Lyla as Lie-la but that could just be my ignorance and I would only need to be corrected once anyway.

Oh Nom I have the opposite problem, I called my daughter Alexandra, and now wish I had chosen a more feminine name. Damned if you do and damned if you don't. Lila is a lovely name. IMHO, you did well.

I would pronounce Lila as lie la.

My name is sara, and everyone always pronounces/spells it sarah or zara which is annoying, but I still wouldn't change it. I don't think you should worry. Lila is a lovely name and to be honest if your daughter is going to encounter sexism in the professional world it'll be based on the fact that she's visibly female and not on her given name. Stop worrying!

ps I would definitely pronounce it Lie-la so I think you're all good

I think you picked a lovely name too, honestly though, I would change how you spell it, it must be annoying have to correct people all the time - in your OP you said "Her name is Lila, pronounced Lyla", why not spell it Lyla? It's a bit odd.

She can change that herself when she's older though if it's a pain for her.

I work with a Lila. Management accountant and hard as nails. You've given her a beautiful name and she can grow up to be anything she wants to be. Please don't worry - I have a name that isn't spelt as it is pronounced and vice versa. I do spend a lot of time good-naturedly "correcting" people, but I adore my name and it can be a good way of breaking the ice when you first meet people.

I think 'lie-la' is the most usual pronunciation for Lila/Lilah? That's what I would automatically think it was if I saw this name. Plus 'Lila' somehow looks nicer written down than 'Lyla'.

I love the name Lila and even more so now I know the meaning. Thanks Freedom. It's going on my list

I have a Lyla (6 year old) and had the same concerns when she was tiny but her name suits her perfectly, she is definitely a Lyla and at the end of the day if a name is enough for a company / employer to judge her merit and hard work on then I wouldn't want her working for them anyway.

She is a very bright girl and her name won't hold her back, she will make sure of it. And going by all the names of her classmates hers will be deemed pretty normal in 10 years time.

I've been feeling overwhelmed lately at teaching her words. The thought of learning a whole language and concepts, not to mention reading and writing, it seems impossible to me at the moment.

You don't have to teach her a whole language. In fact, you don't have to teach her anything. She comes fully equipped with inbuilt software that means she can learn just from hearing you. Just talk to her. Keep talking about the things you're doing, the things she's doing, what's around you and she will do the rest.

I'm about to send DD1 of to uni. If I'd felt responsible for teaching her everything she had to learn in her life or tried to second guess every possible positive and negative effect of all the decisions I had made for her in that time, I would have gone bonkers years ago.

You will make thousands of decisions about your DD over the years. You will look back on some and think you go them wrong and on others and feel glad you made that call. You'll regret some things then, years later, realise you did the right thing after all.

The one thing I can tell you for certain that you will regret is if you spend so much time worrying now that you forget to enjoy her being little.

You have a miracle unfolding in front of you every day. Watch it in wonder and savour every moment because, all too soon, you'll be pondering what to send her off to uni with and wondering where on earth all the years went.

OP didn't read the complete thread but also wanted to add my voice to those reassuring you. First Lila is a lovely name. I have also worked with women with very feminine names that were much more unusual and have not been any hindrance. Our accountant was called Rainbow for example. I also had an incredible female boss called Miranda who had a much more commanding and intelligent manner than the four men at her level in the organisation.

I love the creativity of many female names and wouldn't (and didn't) chose a more neutral or unisex name to pacify a business culture that attempts to make male the norm.

From a personal perspective when I look back at the time when my 3 children were tiny I realise that I experienced a great deal of generalised anxiety that often was focused on various choices I made regarding the children. I think this is quite common from discussions with friends. We all found we could get quite obsessively worried or focused on decisions we had made or had not made when it came to the kids. For me I believe sleep deprivation had a lot to answer for (!) but the intensiveness and isolation in modern mothering especially when the kids are small doesn't help.

And I consider myself laid back!

So along with others on the thread I would encourage you to engage in some stress relieving activities such as seeing more of kind, loving friends and see if that helps to lift your worries.

When it comes to talking, in a couple of years you will be longing for blissful silence as 4 year old girls in my experience chatter non-stop! You won't be able to hold back the explosion of development so as Goldmandra said have fun and squeeze and cuddle them non-stop