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Baby names

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Original poster

SIL took my baby name and I can't get over it! Help!

50 replies

UsedToBeASize10 · 01/06/2015 21:00

This may sound ridiculous but honestly, I am losing sleep over this situation and am seeking some advice/support/empathy from other mums who might have been in a similar situation.

Here it is, on a plate: my fave name for DD1 (Rosie) was vetoed by DH as he couldn't get along with it. I ended up using it in the middle, 'just in case' I never had another girl. At least in some way, it had been used. I was sad, and never really came to terms with my decision to back down. I made a mental note to use an adaptation of Rosie (Rose or Rosa) for a future DD. Well, I got pregnant again and guess what? So did SIL. I think you can guess where this is going. At the very last minute, after announcing 'she' was going to be called Seren, they chose Rosalie! And guess what? They call her Rosa like ALL the time! And they (SIL and my brother) KNEW how I felt about Rosie. So I feel quite let down about it all actually - especially as they have tried to 'disguise' what they've done and left me unable to use a variation of my absolute favourite name. Their DD arrived a few months earlier than my DD2, so there was nothing I could really say or do. So, I plumped for Rowan, which is nothing like what I wanted really. Now, I just feel burning resentment towards them and I really don't want to as they are actually both real nice people (if not a tiny bit smug). Please tell me if you have ever been through this, and if it gets better with time....anyone? At this moment in time, I don't feel like I will ever get over it. P.S. It might also be worth mentioning that my mum liked the name too and my brother had always been a bit of a kiss ar£e - this annoys me even more!!

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:

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Tequilashotfor1 · 02/06/2015 08:21

Call your baby Rosie. My dd1 and her cousin have the same name. Dd1 was born first ! No one cares!

NuggetofPurestGreen · 02/06/2015 08:28

When did all this drama about people 'stealing' names start? I'm not very old and I have a cousin with the same name as me and male cousins with the male variant as well as uncles. No one was bothered as far as I know. These days people panic if there seventh cousin 12 times removed has a similar name as their child.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 02/06/2015 08:29

In my day etc etc grumpy old woman

NuggetofPurestGreen · 02/06/2015 08:29

Mortified *their

flowery · 02/06/2015 08:35

I can't imagine it even occurred to them that you'd actually use the same name twice.

And it's weird you seem to view it more as your SIL stealing the name than your brother.

YonicScrewdriver · 02/06/2015 08:41

"I was sad, and never really came to terms with my decision to back down. "

TBH, OP, I think the person you are most mad at is your husband. But he has the right not to like Rosie just as much as you have the right to love it. You couldn't force him to go with Rosie by "not backing down" any more than he could force to go with, I dunno, Amelia, if you didn't like it and he loved it,

SoupDragon · 02/06/2015 08:43

I can see why you are upset, given you'd wanted the name for so long and they knew this. I wonder if, like others have said, they thght you wouldn't use it as you'd given a version to your DD1 as a middle name.

That said, I far prefer Rowan. It is both beautiful and strong :)

YonicScrewdriver · 02/06/2015 08:43

"especially as they have tried to 'disguise' what they've done and left me unable to use a variation of my absolute favourite name. "

I really doubt they've done this. Maybe they love Rosalie but think it suits an older girl better so they are using Rosa whilst she's a baby.

SoupDragon · 02/06/2015 08:45

And it's weird you seem to view it more as your SIL stealing the name than your brother.

Only in the title. All through the OP she refers to "they".

tiggytape · 02/06/2015 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GobblersKnob · 02/06/2015 09:01

If I had wanted it that much, I would have just used it, we have lots of name duplications in our family, mostly by marriage, it doesn't cause any problems.

But Rowan is much nicer imo.

VinoTime · 02/06/2015 09:23

I have a friend who called her little boy Harry. A couple of months later, the SIL and brother called their little girl Harriet. To make matters worse, the SIL often shortens her daughters name to Harri. Oh, and the family business is farming, and they all live on said farm...right next door to each other...so Harry and Harri play and see each other every day

To say friend was pissed off would be an understatement. I think she had to be peeled off the ceiling.

It's not funny and I would hate it if it happened to me, but the story of Harry and Harri really does make me secretly chuckle sometimes, I think because it seems to absurd to me that anybody would ever do that!

Quodlibet · 02/06/2015 09:31

My DP (second child) has the same name as his older brother's middle name, as his mum couldn't use the name the first time round. TBH I think it's pretty weird that they share a name, and it creates an odd dynamic that feels like DP's brother was the test run and DP is the proper version! I think you and your daughters are far better off with them having different names.

PfftTheMagicDraco · 02/06/2015 09:33

I would imagine that as they have just had a baby, all of their thoughts are centred around that. And not actually focused on disguising things to hide from you.
You've had a child. More than one! How much time in the few weeks after giving birth did you dedicate to thinking about your SIL and DB and trying to outmanoeuvre them? I would imagine not very much.

You used the name once. As a middle name. It is reasonable for someone else to use that name.

wesH · 02/06/2015 09:37

Think of it this way: your first kid has the middle name Rosie. A Rosie and a Rosa as siblings would just sound very silly. You might be bitter now but I think in time you might think this is for the best.

ChopOrNot · 02/06/2015 09:42

I think you just need to give yourself a grip, accept it is a bit disappointing and move on.

PebblesBamBam · 02/06/2015 13:21

I have the same name as my cousin, it never occurred to me as odd!

I had a friend who gave her husband final say on the birth of their third child and only boy. He wanted Thomas but a few months before she was due his sister gave birth to a boy and named him Thomas (not knowing her brother also wanted to use it). My friend assumed it was off the list but her husband just phoned his sister and explained that they had also chosen that name for their son and now there are two little cousins named Thomas a few months apart and everyone is fine about it.

I think if you do really want to use it then I'd talk to them sooner rather than later. It might seem a big deal now, but it won't later.

But as everyone else has said, sounds like you need to get your husband on board first! Good luck.

HesterBlue · 02/06/2015 14:17

I imagine SiL thought she'd chosen a different name for her daughter to your DD1's. And has no idea that your DN's nickname was one you really like to use yourself for DD2 (as you'd already used a similar name for DD1).

It's your DH who knew just how much you liked it, not necessarily your SiL. So if you feel disappointed in anyone it should be him!

However, maybe he also thought you'd used it once and wouldn't be using it again. Or he thought you knew how much he didn't want it as a first name for DD1 and that it was therefore a non-starter for DD2. Or he thought it just wasn't an issue with cousins having similar names.

FWIW, my brother has the same first name as one of our cousins and its never been a problem. My nephew has the same name as my step-nephew and its never been a problem - the kids like having the same names as each other!

The real issue is not cousins having the same name, but the fact that your DH has never liked it. So it WBU of you to insist on using a name for DD2 he doesn't like at all.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 02/06/2015 14:22

Well my opinion is skewed by the fact that I think Rowan is a much nicer name than Rosie or Rosa so if I were you I'd let it go. I think secretly your pissed off that you didn't get to call your dd1 Rosie and this is causing that resentment to resurface

LittleBearPad · 02/06/2015 14:29

But you'd used it as DD1's middle name already.

You're cross at your husband. You're going to have to let it go.

BellMcEnd · 02/06/2015 14:35

I'd have been annoyed too. But.....I really much prefer Rowan. It's a gorgeous name

Whiteshirt · 02/06/2015 14:46

In the nicest possible way, get a grip, OP. You had used the name already, your husband had vetoed it, and Rose and its variants are so common that hundreds, if not thousands, of girls are called some version of it annually. Names are like seats on the tube - you can't slap a reserved sign on them. And to imagine that your SiL plotted this, rather than just choosing a name she and your brother liked, and which you'd already used as a middle name, is quite mad.

Mehitabel6 · 02/06/2015 14:54

It must be a modern thing that you can 'steal' a name- very odd! They are free for anyone to use - you can't possibly 'steal' it!

Whereisegg · 02/06/2015 14:55

I know a lady who has 3 sons that all have the same names.
ds1 james john jack
ds2 john james jack
ds3 jack john james*

It's incredibly odd IMO.
*not their real names.

JessiePinkman · 02/06/2015 15:03

But..you don't OWN a name. Just call your dd whatever you like, it doesn't matter if her cousin has the same name..oh wait, you can't cod your hubby doesn't like it

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