Middle name in memory of sister

[Steph1502]

Ok this is a sensitive subject tbh. I genuinely am in 2 minds about it. I had a sister but she passed away when I was very young. (She was only 3 months old of cot death). I know a lot of people who may not believe in this kind of thing but I strongly feel she's my little guardian angel. If I have a girl Ive been thinking of using her name as a middle name. But I'm not sure if this would be in bad taste or upsetting to the family as she passed away so young. I don't know what's making me think like that. No one ever talks about her, like she never existed. And I would like to have my daughter carry her name in her memory but any time I try and speak about her the subject gets changed. What are your thoughts?

I think it's lovely

I lost a sister in her teens and would love to remember her in such a way

Thank you. The only reason I worry is because of the way the family completely avoid talking about her... Sorry for your loss afreshstart x

I have done this and have never regretted it once in 25 years
My youngest brother died on the same day I found out I was pregnant with my first child
Ds has db's name as his middle name

I think its lovely, but check with your mum first.

See.. That's another thing, after she died my mum went off the rails slightly. I was taken into care and then raised by my grandparents. The relationship with my mum is strained at the best of times and at the moment we don't speak. I've yet to hear a congratulations for my pregnancy. Families eh? x

I think it's a lovely idea and it obviously means a lot to you.

As a middle name it won't exactly be in your family's face every day so I don't think you need their blessing to use it.

someone in my family did exactly this, I think it's lovely as my sister's name is being carried on.
If you are not in much contact with your mother does she even need to know, I doubt my dm knows my dc's middle names tbh.
It sounds like this was a massively difficult time for your whole family. I think now you're entitled to do what feels right to you.

Thank you all for your kind words I think I feel better about using it now xx

Not quite the same, but I used my father's name as DS1's middle name because he died just before I found out DS1 was coming. Everybody thought or at least said it was a nice thing to do.

Just a lovely idea

A lovely idea. Do it for yourself.

It sounds like your sister dying had a huge impact on your family. Much as it is painful to remember and talk about loved ones who have passed away, it is better than dealing with it internally. By remembering her in this way, hopefully you will bring some healing to your family! And I am sure your sister will appreciate it too!!

Follow your heart, it's a lovely idea. I lost my lovely brother and had I had a son that was exactly my plan too. Xx

If you want to do this, I think you should. You don't need to tell anybody if you think it will upset them.

In earlier times, when infant mortality was high, it was very common for the next child to be given the name of a brother or sister who had died. It was not considered to be "bad taste".

My sister died before I was born and my niece has her name as a middle name (as do i) I think it's a lovely way to remember her

Do it for yourself, your sister and your daughter if it will make you happy.

My niece is a twin and her twin sister passed away, cot death, at 5 mo this old
My niece has given her little girl her sisters first name as a middle name
Lovely idea

I have done this and my parents were really pleased. I think it's a lovely thing to do.

Thanks everyone that's really put my mind at ease. x

Just to go slightly against the grain but my dh's brother died at 4 months old. (Dh was 4 at the time so he remembers.)

When we first started talking about babies I suggested using his name - either as a first name or a middle name (it's an absolutely gorgeous name so I would have been quite happy with that) and Dh was adamant that he didn't want to. He thought it might upset his mum at a time that should be a happy one for her.

I think it is a very personal decision that only you - knowing your family - can decide how it would be seen.

My DD has her older brother's (on her dads side - not my son) nickname as a middle name too. He died before she was born. A couple of people close to me thought this was a terrible idea, that it's a 'burden' for her to carry. I don't see it that way; for me it gives her a link and a continuity from the family that was there before her, and honours his memory. It is a sensitive issue though, a very individual decision.