What problems might arise if our child has a different surname to its parents?

[Steve12345]

My wife took my surname when we got married but would like her maiden name to be included in our child's surname i.e. double barrelled. Our child is due in August.
I'm open to do doing this but would like to know if we are opening ourselves, or our child, up to any unforeseen hassle further along the line?

Has anyone got any practical examples of this causing a problem/hassle?

And if I wanted to remove my children to another country, I'm sure I could print out a letter saying I had DHs permission

It's ridiculous to say parents with a different surname can't take children in and out of countries!

I don't have the same name as my DDs. It's traditional for Chinese (and plenty of other cultures). I have never heard of any Chinese mums refused entry to any country with their children). I have never been questioned about it and DD1 is 4.

And plenty of people now have very complicated families. What if a women remarries and the children have their dad's name. Surely that happens a lot?

And if you are talking about custody when you are living overseas and want to come back to Britain, plenty of countries won't allow that. Same surname or not.

I am not married to my partner and have 3 dc all of whom have his surname. have never had any issues whatsoever - he has always been with us while travelling though. No biggie to just carry the birt certs if necessary.

I have only traveled to Spain with DD1 myself, and Asia. So not Switzerland or Germany. Didn't get asked about surnames at all.

The reasons border control (in many countries) will ask questions if a parent has a different surname to the child (or looks different) is because they are signatories to the Hague Abduction Treaty. They're asking questions to ensure that the child is travelling legitimately and not being addicted. Different countries interpret it differently in terms of the rules on how to check.

It's not a big deal. We have different surnames in our family as I didn't change my name on marriage and DD has my name (next DC will have DH's name). You just carry a birth certificate copy with you, which cost us all of £3 at the registry office, and if the different-surnamed parent is travelling alone then a letter from the other parent can be a good idea. But not all countries will insist, it depends on where you go.

My DS1 has a different surname from the rest of us, never caused any problems when travelling or anywhere else.
I did occasionally get the secondary school phone asking for Mrs (his surname) but I just said 'yes' - it was easier.
( whether the children would want to be saddled with a double barrelled name is another matter. If it was me I would drop half as soon as I was able)

Both my children (20 months and 4 years) have their fathers surname, I don't. Never caused any problems, just means that sometimes I have to verify that I'm the parent. For instance appointments and they ask for my full name. From what I've heard the time you will encounter any problems is going abroad.

Border Control do not focus on parents with a different surname. They are looking for child abduction. Many parents with the same name as their child attempt to abduct their children, in fact this is the most common scenario. You are most likely to be asked if one parent is travelling alone with the children, regardless of their names. They want to know that the other parent approves of the travel. My husband (same name as dc) has been stopped, and so have I (different name). And when I say stopped, I mean politely questioned for about 60 seconds during routine passport inspection. It is not a big deal and this could happen to you whether you choose a family name or not. Some countries (Canada) will always stop a lone parent. Most (the UK) are more slapdash.

I'm a teacher and many of the children I teach have a different name to at least one parebt if not both. I can never remember the names of the parents so I tend to say to the parent of Jane Smith, 'Is it Mr/Ms Smith?', on first meeting but I often forget.

You can take DC with non-matching surnames in and out of Switzerland.

You (or the DC if old enough) might face some questions about why you are travelling together (and you need documents, such as birth certificate to prove relationship if they are too young to answer credibly for themselves).

Not everyone changes names on marriage (and in some cultures it is rare), so border control and all other parts of officialdom see differing names all he time and it really is no problem. My DC's surname is not the same as mine, and there have never been any bureaucratic or travel difficulties (as I am not abducting them).

I don't know if it would bother you but I think if I met your family and you and your wife were both Smith and your child was Smith-Jones I would assume you were not the biological father (Mr Jones was) and you had met since their birth and married.
Like I say you may not give a toss what people think but that would be my assumption.

If you do this (and I think you should), please make sure that anyone who is likely to pick up your phone at work when you are not at your desk does understand that you are also known as Mr Smith Jones, so when the school rings about your child they aren't told no one of that name works here! Obviously same goes for your wife. Probably less likely to happen with a half-matching name, anyway, provided your colleagues have a modicum of intelligence :)

I'm really confused by the travel thing - does that mean my mum can't take her grandchildren out of the country on holiday??

I have a different name to my DC, and I have never had a problem with it.

I have a friend who has a different a legal name to her DH, but is known by his name in most situations. Their DC have a double barrelled name, which contains her DH's name, but not hers. She originally meant to change her name to the double barrelled one, but decided it was a bit of a palaver.

As her DC are now all over 10, and she still thinks the business of name changing would be worse than the inconvenience of having different names, I can only imagine she doesn't find the different name bit too inconvenient.

Anyone can take any child from country to country, as long as they can prove that they aren't abducting them.

No, it doesn't mean that at all. It means that she may be asked to prove that the DC should be travelling with her, so she'll need copies of their long form BCs (showing the parents) and a letter of authorisation signed by those with PR. If for example they're going to an obvious holiday destination during half term on return tickets, with children who are happy and confident to be travelling, then there will be no problem.

dragdown, what will happen is that the customs officer may ask a few questions. Sometimes they chat with the children, in a specific way to ensure they are satisfied that everything is above board.

If you are concerned, you could write a letter for her to take, although, obviously this could be forged, anyway.

I have taken DD1 and DD2 out of the country, on my own, and we have different surnames, and a different nationality. I have never experienced difficulty, but it is absolutely possible that immigration have checked me out by asking judicious questions, and I just didn't realise it.

What Sweet said. I just often see the 'different names will mean trouble when you travel' line being trotted out on these threads. That is not true. Border control are not looking to establish that you have the same name or are even the parent; they want to know that you are not abducting a child.

I'm Ms Smith and dp is Mr Jones, Dd is Ms Smith-Jones.

No problems for us.

What Base said

I keep reading these scaremongering threads on MN " you will have terrible trouble if you don't change your name to your mans name / give all your kids your mans name " etc etc

None of them tie up with my own experience , and we have three different surnames and three ethnicities between myself , Dh and our kids .

We have NEVER had any problems with officials such as teachers,doctors, passport control . I Think you'll find that most of these people have zero interest in your sex life , who fathered which child , or if you are married, co habiting or something else . Theyare mostly just trying to do their job

Teachers will assume that you are Ms / Mr Your childs surname . If you are in fact Major / rabbi / prince something else , JUST TELL THEM. They don't care .

And I don't give a flying fuck what someone might assume socially from the names in our family . I wouldnt really want to socialise with the kind of person who is that judgemental / narrow minded

I kept my name when I married DH and both DCs are double-barrelled MySurname-DHSurname.

The only problem we've had is with elderly relatives writing cheques who cannot fathom what we've done and we have to return cheques, sometimes more than once, with yet another explanation. In the case of DH's paternal grandmother I think it was deliberate. She was horrified that I didn't take his (and therefore her) name and resolutely refused to address me as anything other than ElphabaDHSurname, and the DCs the same, until DMIL gave her a row

Doctors will just say " are you mum / dad ? " , if you attend with your child .

They won't say

How can you be mum , you look at least 45 years older than this child ? Surely you are his grandmother !

How can you be mum, when your surname is different?

How can you be mum , when this child is Asian and you are white ?

How can you be mum, you are not wearing a wedding ring ? Show me your marriage certificate !

How can that be a wedding ring , if you are wearing it on your right hand ?

This isn't 1950 . They just want to know that you can consent to the treatment of your child .